It's a fog that painlessly burns the back of your eyelids
Today has not been at all what I expected or planned.
At all.
Partially this is a good thing. Hugely though this is a FRUSTRATING thing.
I awoke around 17:30 yesterday. Didn't have to work until 21:30. But, figured, "Hell, it's Friday! Breakfast with Autumn!"
Work went fairly well. I finished a book, finished my paperwork, etc etc.
And then day shift started. One of the consumers decided he didn't want to take his pills. Pills that I pass - usually before 7:30am which also happens to be the time I am scheduled to be off shift.
So finally at 8:25 he took his pills. This requires a SHIT ton of paperwork, by the way. When a client's pills are more than an hour early and/or late, incident report and repetitive documentation in their medical books. Oh, and my six month review is up, so since I'm there when my boss gets in, after I struggle through proper documentation and late/missed med protocols, I get to go through an evaluation.
And I have been extremely tired ALL shift due to not sleeping long enough the previous day. And oh, staff meeting at 14:00.
The plan was to get home by 08:00, sleep until 13:25 and then hit work staff meeting, maria and Autumn's, make a great dinner, then do whatever until sleep came and my Wednesday started.
Instead I didn't make it home until after 10:30. Didn't fall asleep until after 11:00. Woke up in a panic, thinking I had missed my staff meeting. Luckily I did not and I made it after getting slightly lost in Gladstone.
And you know, the first hour of the staff meeting I was okay. And then suddenly my mind and body were impacted by a dense and crippling exhaustion.
I felt close to tears as I was SO tired and the meeting kept going and going and going and going.
Then as soon as the meeting was deemed over (just after 16:30) the behavior specialist (my big-wig supervisor) announces that I have to stay to go through one of my consumer books because a review just occured. And she's not going to do the job for me.
I about lost it - barely managing to tell her I needed to go home to sleep and would get it done tomorrow (another meeting in the MIDDLE of the effing day). And it became a power struggle. A RIDICULOUS one. She must have seen that I was freaking out because she told me I could do it Thursday and I quickly made my exit.
I burst into tears in the car and actually lost it all the way home.
And then YAY bed.
I turned on sense and sensability - because what a great talkey movie to serenade me to sleep, right?
Wrong.
Because a half hour later, I finally turn over, thinking maybe if I watch it and dontt try so hard to sleep, sleep will just come.
And then another half hour later I'm still just...awake. Exhausted, frustrated, and desperate for relief.
And randomly hungry? So I decide to eat something so my stomach will shut up and I can fully relax.
Only once I lay back down again I'm stuck just...laying and not sleeping.
And then the movie is over and I restart it.
And then I'm STILL awake another while later.
So, then I cleaned my room. Thinking - I'll just stay awake and then the tired will take over.
And then I packed a bag so that if I got lonely and sad in the middle of the night I could go hang out at a friend's house.
And now this.
I haven't had caffeine since 17:45 last night. And somehow I'm still awake despite my want of rest.
I wouldn't feel comfortable driving. Or walking for that matter.
This is so frustrating. I don't understand.
I get so irrational and emotional when my sleep gets all futzed up like this! I hate it.
*sigh*
I would like to be done with this piece of my weekend now, please.
At all.
Partially this is a good thing. Hugely though this is a FRUSTRATING thing.
I awoke around 17:30 yesterday. Didn't have to work until 21:30. But, figured, "Hell, it's Friday! Breakfast with Autumn!"
Work went fairly well. I finished a book, finished my paperwork, etc etc.
And then day shift started. One of the consumers decided he didn't want to take his pills. Pills that I pass - usually before 7:30am which also happens to be the time I am scheduled to be off shift.
So finally at 8:25 he took his pills. This requires a SHIT ton of paperwork, by the way. When a client's pills are more than an hour early and/or late, incident report and repetitive documentation in their medical books. Oh, and my six month review is up, so since I'm there when my boss gets in, after I struggle through proper documentation and late/missed med protocols, I get to go through an evaluation.
And I have been extremely tired ALL shift due to not sleeping long enough the previous day. And oh, staff meeting at 14:00.
The plan was to get home by 08:00, sleep until 13:25 and then hit work staff meeting, maria and Autumn's, make a great dinner, then do whatever until sleep came and my Wednesday started.
Instead I didn't make it home until after 10:30. Didn't fall asleep until after 11:00. Woke up in a panic, thinking I had missed my staff meeting. Luckily I did not and I made it after getting slightly lost in Gladstone.
And you know, the first hour of the staff meeting I was okay. And then suddenly my mind and body were impacted by a dense and crippling exhaustion.
I felt close to tears as I was SO tired and the meeting kept going and going and going and going.
Then as soon as the meeting was deemed over (just after 16:30) the behavior specialist (my big-wig supervisor) announces that I have to stay to go through one of my consumer books because a review just occured. And she's not going to do the job for me.
I about lost it - barely managing to tell her I needed to go home to sleep and would get it done tomorrow (another meeting in the MIDDLE of the effing day). And it became a power struggle. A RIDICULOUS one. She must have seen that I was freaking out because she told me I could do it Thursday and I quickly made my exit.
I burst into tears in the car and actually lost it all the way home.
And then YAY bed.
I turned on sense and sensability - because what a great talkey movie to serenade me to sleep, right?
Wrong.
Because a half hour later, I finally turn over, thinking maybe if I watch it and dontt try so hard to sleep, sleep will just come.
And then another half hour later I'm still just...awake. Exhausted, frustrated, and desperate for relief.
And randomly hungry? So I decide to eat something so my stomach will shut up and I can fully relax.
Only once I lay back down again I'm stuck just...laying and not sleeping.
And then the movie is over and I restart it.
And then I'm STILL awake another while later.
So, then I cleaned my room. Thinking - I'll just stay awake and then the tired will take over.
And then I packed a bag so that if I got lonely and sad in the middle of the night I could go hang out at a friend's house.
And now this.
I haven't had caffeine since 17:45 last night. And somehow I'm still awake despite my want of rest.
I wouldn't feel comfortable driving. Or walking for that matter.
This is so frustrating. I don't understand.
I get so irrational and emotional when my sleep gets all futzed up like this! I hate it.
*sigh*
I would like to be done with this piece of my weekend now, please.