You think we don't know
We do.
I do.
I always have.
-EDITED-, -EDITED-, Phoenix Silverrain- whomever you wish to be called- you are nonetheless you. And nonetheless a liar.
You are not a member of the Yakuza. You have not killed someone in the ways you described. You came to Maine to do - well I don't know what, but you left someone hated. You blame Sean, and after this- perhaps me. But the reality is, you mare what you want to seem to be.
When I first met you, you were amazing, and full of life. You were real. You had some amazing points about reality, about life. I remember telling you about the word solipsism, as you didn't know it, and you of your band practises. I remember you as real, as good, and perhaps why this deciet has carried on so long. I let it happen, in the beginning. I don't know why I accepted it, but I did. But then even when it became a 'truth' I still knew it was q lie, yet I let it, and you, dominate my life. Don't you know what I've done to be with you, for you? I have diseregarded my parents, fought real brawls, but I have not offered you lies. Yes, I admit, in the past I might have lied, at the age of 14 or 15.. but now I will tell you, if I haven't already, those were things of my depression, not of me. The carving and manipulation, the lies and evil; That was a thing of what I had overcome, not of me.
But then you got into this entire sniper story, which I am guessing you based off of Sniper Wolf from MGS and your own imagination- plus research. To be honest, I believed you for a while, but not long. Yes it did absorb my depression. I got so worried about you, I fought my blood and cried for you, but it was a lie. You acted as if I was just a net friend, and always would be. That's why I was able to be lied to. I wasn't real. And then when I became real, you just carried on. Did you never see that I was impressed with the true person you are, not the mirage you made yourelf out to be?
You made yourself into something you're not, and dragged me all the while. Then I realized you were lying, and any sane person wouldn't want anything to do with you. But you saved me (and in another way doomed me) you were there, you understood, so what was a small lie between friends? Nothing, I figured it helped you. But no. It grew. It grew and grew until everything was this lie. You didn't help me with this depression, you doomed me to it. If you had been a friend you would've helped me, as Kevin tried to do at the time. But no, you kept on with these insane lies, you dragged me deeper into the fear and the falsehood of what you were saying. Fuck, Jesse, I trusted you. You call me gullible. No, you are too in lkove with your false pwoers of persuasion and lyring. We saw all along, but I let you. I never breathed a word to anyone, but always feared they were true. I trusted you. I am your end, as I was your false beginning.
Look, the reason we all turned on you was.. well no, I can't say out of good moral conscience. I am aware of why I stopped talking to you, and I am genreally aware of others reasons. But those are their own. Just tell us the truth, Don't go on your Yakuza crap. You shut our relationships down.
Why? For a reality that was not your own.
What are you, a non-Yakuza, Yazkua? Non traditionalist, you mean like- allowing AMERICAN WHITE WOMEN at a young age into a criminal organization made up of their genetic opposite?
Do you think that snipers are really needed in a suburaban area domianted mainly by the Italian mafia? Is it your supreme belief that you would be so out of shape if you were a sniper, that you would not be able to hold a hand gun and fire it? For fucks sake Jesse, even I can hold a hand gun and make it work. Anyone who holds a rifle knows another rifle- not exactly, but relatively. You constantly and throughout your life convince people to belief you are what you are not. You tried to do it in Maine. If I hadn't come, and tainted the possible future, gotten you to tell them a lie that was plausible at 13, but not anymore- then you would've had control. Just like you do with alot of people, including how you did with me.
I admit, I was controlling, and I did hurt and manipulate- I lied. But not for years, like you, not to scores of people. To a select few. You lied to me, you who called me your best friend, your sister. Yet you weren't sister enough to see I would have forgiven it and still loved -you-, not what you created. Now you have hurt one of your brothers, one you called a loyal compainion. You have hut my now friends, and you have hurt me.
Give up your Yakuza lies, you thoughts about being able to lie, your 'abilities' and your making failures into victories. We all saw your lies, but we let them go to see the real you. But there is nothing, is there? Only built up stories from fairy book lies. Only a truth that will never happen, and a lie that never was.
You talk about liberty. But you have shown me none of it. You have ifnact been an oppressing force. Don't be so thick as to think I've gone to the masses, I am as I was a week ago, two weeks, in March, last year. I am the same. I am merely discarding what has been clawing at me. You. You live in an RP world of extremes... But the thing is that life is not some big firework, it's not some extreme, it's a gradual process, a painfully slowly progress. Even when it changes over night, often that change has been a long time coming, and could have been averted for so much before that.
Now I know you're going to take a few reactions. You're going to say I never really cared. Not to think of the past. Hell you already did. But look, I went to bat for you. I argued my parents, the government docs, all shrinks, my friends.. I argued and lost that all for you, so I could know you.. I defeneded your lies all along. I came back at threat to my own net, I came to Maine, I've leid to my parents, I've defended you and gone to abt for you. But mabye they were the wiser, maybe you are just a Snake as Artea called me so many years ago. But wait, that was not -her-, and if it was her, she wasn't who you said she was, was she?
Don't attack Sean. He is a good person. He hasn't tricked me, I came to him... he is real, he is about reality. Don't be pissed at Nick- he gave you -everything-. Just as I did. Ray just knew what was up from the beginning. I thought him unobservant for a while but he's not.
And you say you'll remember me well. I will you too, but it will always be tainted by the manipualtion, the lies that you imparted upon me. It just isn't real... it's just an RP, a scripted story set up in your mind that will never reach the perfetion fo the human imgaination. Phht, I wasn't strong, I was susceptible to you. You aren't strong, you are weak. Crying is not strong, being yourself is not strong, and yet it always afflicts you. We gave you so many solutons, yet you throw them away. You opt for the extreme. And that is why I say goodbye. I can't opt for the extreme anymore. I've grown up, I've realized, I've reached a solid ground, and I am myself. So I can't live in your world, I can't live a fantasy anymore. The extreme just isn't reality.
It just isn't real...
So have a good life, and I hope you get past this, or already have. Don't attack me for saying what I think, forget about all of us, and move on into something that is healthy, that is good so that you may live a full lfie. Just be, but be yourself -this- time. I will always love the real you, but I will always hate the you that you gave to me. We won't talk again. I need a break, and you need to live. You might begrudge me openly for saying this, but whatever. It has needed to be said for awhile.
Luck and skill
A final note: don't bother posting, unless it's a confession. Anything short that does not deserve to be typed or posted. Even that is stretching it. Just leave us alone...it's just for the best. Go off and live, or die. Here we go, eh?
Heh...
And if you are Yakuza, I welcome the coming death. Let them come. But they won't, will they? If anyone comes, it'll just be you, and mabye Ben.
I do.
I always have.
-EDITED-, -EDITED-, Phoenix Silverrain- whomever you wish to be called- you are nonetheless you. And nonetheless a liar.
You are not a member of the Yakuza. You have not killed someone in the ways you described. You came to Maine to do - well I don't know what, but you left someone hated. You blame Sean, and after this- perhaps me. But the reality is, you mare what you want to seem to be.
When I first met you, you were amazing, and full of life. You were real. You had some amazing points about reality, about life. I remember telling you about the word solipsism, as you didn't know it, and you of your band practises. I remember you as real, as good, and perhaps why this deciet has carried on so long. I let it happen, in the beginning. I don't know why I accepted it, but I did. But then even when it became a 'truth' I still knew it was q lie, yet I let it, and you, dominate my life. Don't you know what I've done to be with you, for you? I have diseregarded my parents, fought real brawls, but I have not offered you lies. Yes, I admit, in the past I might have lied, at the age of 14 or 15.. but now I will tell you, if I haven't already, those were things of my depression, not of me. The carving and manipulation, the lies and evil; That was a thing of what I had overcome, not of me.
But then you got into this entire sniper story, which I am guessing you based off of Sniper Wolf from MGS and your own imagination- plus research. To be honest, I believed you for a while, but not long. Yes it did absorb my depression. I got so worried about you, I fought my blood and cried for you, but it was a lie. You acted as if I was just a net friend, and always would be. That's why I was able to be lied to. I wasn't real. And then when I became real, you just carried on. Did you never see that I was impressed with the true person you are, not the mirage you made yourelf out to be?
You made yourself into something you're not, and dragged me all the while. Then I realized you were lying, and any sane person wouldn't want anything to do with you. But you saved me (and in another way doomed me) you were there, you understood, so what was a small lie between friends? Nothing, I figured it helped you. But no. It grew. It grew and grew until everything was this lie. You didn't help me with this depression, you doomed me to it. If you had been a friend you would've helped me, as Kevin tried to do at the time. But no, you kept on with these insane lies, you dragged me deeper into the fear and the falsehood of what you were saying. Fuck, Jesse, I trusted you. You call me gullible. No, you are too in lkove with your false pwoers of persuasion and lyring. We saw all along, but I let you. I never breathed a word to anyone, but always feared they were true. I trusted you. I am your end, as I was your false beginning.
Look, the reason we all turned on you was.. well no, I can't say out of good moral conscience. I am aware of why I stopped talking to you, and I am genreally aware of others reasons. But those are their own. Just tell us the truth, Don't go on your Yakuza crap. You shut our relationships down.
Why? For a reality that was not your own.
What are you, a non-Yakuza, Yazkua? Non traditionalist, you mean like- allowing AMERICAN WHITE WOMEN at a young age into a criminal organization made up of their genetic opposite?
Do you think that snipers are really needed in a suburaban area domianted mainly by the Italian mafia? Is it your supreme belief that you would be so out of shape if you were a sniper, that you would not be able to hold a hand gun and fire it? For fucks sake Jesse, even I can hold a hand gun and make it work. Anyone who holds a rifle knows another rifle- not exactly, but relatively. You constantly and throughout your life convince people to belief you are what you are not. You tried to do it in Maine. If I hadn't come, and tainted the possible future, gotten you to tell them a lie that was plausible at 13, but not anymore- then you would've had control. Just like you do with alot of people, including how you did with me.
I admit, I was controlling, and I did hurt and manipulate- I lied. But not for years, like you, not to scores of people. To a select few. You lied to me, you who called me your best friend, your sister. Yet you weren't sister enough to see I would have forgiven it and still loved -you-, not what you created. Now you have hurt one of your brothers, one you called a loyal compainion. You have hut my now friends, and you have hurt me.
Give up your Yakuza lies, you thoughts about being able to lie, your 'abilities' and your making failures into victories. We all saw your lies, but we let them go to see the real you. But there is nothing, is there? Only built up stories from fairy book lies. Only a truth that will never happen, and a lie that never was.
You talk about liberty. But you have shown me none of it. You have ifnact been an oppressing force. Don't be so thick as to think I've gone to the masses, I am as I was a week ago, two weeks, in March, last year. I am the same. I am merely discarding what has been clawing at me. You. You live in an RP world of extremes... But the thing is that life is not some big firework, it's not some extreme, it's a gradual process, a painfully slowly progress. Even when it changes over night, often that change has been a long time coming, and could have been averted for so much before that.
Now I know you're going to take a few reactions. You're going to say I never really cared. Not to think of the past. Hell you already did. But look, I went to bat for you. I argued my parents, the government docs, all shrinks, my friends.. I argued and lost that all for you, so I could know you.. I defeneded your lies all along. I came back at threat to my own net, I came to Maine, I've leid to my parents, I've defended you and gone to abt for you. But mabye they were the wiser, maybe you are just a Snake as Artea called me so many years ago. But wait, that was not -her-, and if it was her, she wasn't who you said she was, was she?
Don't attack Sean. He is a good person. He hasn't tricked me, I came to him... he is real, he is about reality. Don't be pissed at Nick- he gave you -everything-. Just as I did. Ray just knew what was up from the beginning. I thought him unobservant for a while but he's not.
And you say you'll remember me well. I will you too, but it will always be tainted by the manipualtion, the lies that you imparted upon me. It just isn't real... it's just an RP, a scripted story set up in your mind that will never reach the perfetion fo the human imgaination. Phht, I wasn't strong, I was susceptible to you. You aren't strong, you are weak. Crying is not strong, being yourself is not strong, and yet it always afflicts you. We gave you so many solutons, yet you throw them away. You opt for the extreme. And that is why I say goodbye. I can't opt for the extreme anymore. I've grown up, I've realized, I've reached a solid ground, and I am myself. So I can't live in your world, I can't live a fantasy anymore. The extreme just isn't reality.
It just isn't real...
So have a good life, and I hope you get past this, or already have. Don't attack me for saying what I think, forget about all of us, and move on into something that is healthy, that is good so that you may live a full lfie. Just be, but be yourself -this- time. I will always love the real you, but I will always hate the you that you gave to me. We won't talk again. I need a break, and you need to live. You might begrudge me openly for saying this, but whatever. It has needed to be said for awhile.
Luck and skill
A final note: don't bother posting, unless it's a confession. Anything short that does not deserve to be typed or posted. Even that is stretching it. Just leave us alone...it's just for the best. Go off and live, or die. Here we go, eh?
Heh...
And if you are Yakuza, I welcome the coming death. Let them come. But they won't, will they? If anyone comes, it'll just be you, and mabye Ben.