[001 ★ voice]
So... my world's been destroyed. Yeah, not buying it. It's been tried before, by bigger and, well, probably better than whoever's behind this. In fact, I was sort of in the middle of the whole preventing the apolocypse game show right before I got zapped here, so if I could pretty please go back to that
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It's more the fact that I've never met a witch who didn't want to kill me. I've been stabbed, scratched, pecked, and nearly been hit in the face with explosive tadpoles. Sorry I'm not exactly a fan of your ilk as a result.
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The only people I want to kill are... well, no one. The occasional demon goes the way of ashes, but most regular people aren't my jurisdiction. I know some witches are more of the cackling evil type, but no cackling here. I swear.
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[Stein doesn't... Quite believe her. But hey, someone else who kills demons is sort of neat. Usually witches don't get involved with that sort of stuff. The enemy of your enemy is your friend, she supposes.] So less wanton destruction, more baking goddess-shaped cookies?
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Less wanton anything. [Short pause. Whoops, unintentional innuendo, but she's made way worse ones of those before.] And there aren't really goddess-shaped cookies, but there are definitely goddesses involved and definitely cookies. I am big on the cookies. Oh, and real magic, too, as needed.
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Anyway, to be honest, lately I've been sorta having the other problem. I'm so strongly connected to the magic now that it... makes things happen if I feel too strongly about them. I have to do all kinds of meditating to get it under control.
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So you're having trouble controlling it? Maybe you are a real witch after all. I was starting to think I had it wrong and the female ones didn't have any issues keeping their chaotic urges in check. Good to know that even witches have equality among the sexes. [She actually sounds more amused than angry at this point, though.]
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Magic is much better. Very factual. And hey! You better not be insinuating that my "chaotic urges" end in violence and or mayhem for anyone other than me, cause they so don't. [She makes plenty of mistakes that result in problems for other people, but it's totally not cause she can't control it. Most of the time. Anymore.]
Turning yourself invisible cause you're convinced your friends hate you now, not exactly bothersome for anyone else. That episode ended in me getting my skin torn off in little strips and getting eaten by a creepy thing, so can we just, okay, maybe not this topic either.
You are just bringing the fun conversation.
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[A pause. Well, as long as they're sharing...] I've hallucinated about getting my skin torn off and eaten, if it makes you feel any better. I know it's not the most fun sensation in the world.
I couldn't imagine why you thought anyone hated you though. Other than the whole witch thing, you seem very lovely.
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Oh. Um. I'll... decide not to take offense at that and just thank you. And maybe we can just-- skip the whole skin eating part, I'd really like that.
It's too long a story to explain why I thought they'd hate me, and also, I'd probably start crying partway through. I'll spare you that experience until you've at least committed to putting up with me as a friend. Just-- basic commitment.
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I've been friends with a rather obnoxious woman for about 20 years at this point. If I can handle her, I'm sure any sort of friendship-commitment I make with you will be substantially easier. Just don't completely forget I exist when you find yourself a husband and I'm there. [Because blaming other people for your friend ignoring you for 15 years rather than coming to terms with the fact that it's because you're a total sadistic creep is definitely the most healthy thing.] Now, where were we about your friends?
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Oh no, no husband here, not ever. All gay. 100% with the gay. [She cuts herself off to stop this awkward march to its intensely, unbearably awkward conclusion.]
You sure you want to hear this? It's not pretty. And will probably reinforce your "witches are timebombs and not to be trusted" belief, which I think I am wholeheartedly against.
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Or maybe hearing about your problems will just make me see you in a more sympathetic light. Why not give it a shot, little miss 100% gay witch extraordinaire?
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I guess there's no reason not to. [She's not exactly hiding it anymore, anyway. Willow's more or less come to terms with her bad life decisions in that respect, at least.] I better give you a little background first. Okay, so, rewind to when I'm a sophomore in high school. All normal -- pretty geeky and unpopular and Ms. Dressed By My Mom, but I wasn't with the magic yet.
Then there was a new student, named Buffy, and she saved my life from a vampire and I learned that, hey, vampires are real, and guess what? My high school library has a portal to hell under it, and Buffy has this big cosmic destiny to kill ooglie-booglies.
Xander got dragged into this, too. Buffy and Xander are the best friends I've ever had; I would do anything for them. [The undertone to that sentence implies she's well aware of what 'anything' could consist of, but at the same time, there is an air of sadness to her about it. Willow isn't exactly pleased to know what she's capable of.] We ( ... )
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