Divisible Unity: Significance of the Trinity
This is something I wrote long ago and just got back and have been wanting to post it.
I have always found comfort in numbers. For a while I found this odd, math so often being seen in black or white, right or wrong. There is so much in the world that can be "organized" through numbers in such a way as to make clear to out limited abilities much deeper complexity. This fascinates me. π, √i, the golden ratio.
For the sake of making a point I will focus on the importance of three and the trinity. Birth, life, death, everything cyclical. All things connected, whole within a whole. It could be so easy to not look beyond the surface; sun and moon, black and white, right and wrong. Without the missing piece, beneath the surface, there is no cycle, or rather would be no cycle for there most certainly is one. Dusk and dawn, singular in nature; gray, black and white; ethics, philosophy, giving complexity to the question right or wrong. Reflecting on the past, being rooted in the present, acknowledging and preparing for the future.
My most basic knowledge of this connection is rooted in the holy trinity of the Catholic church. It is a concept which requires faith that is difficult to come by for people who bother to use their minds. The Father, God, supposedly the greatest yet each part equal. Separate yet one. He is all-knowing, loving, seeing, omnipotent. At once gentle, forgiving, angry, vengeful. Abstraction demanding concrete belief.
The son, the ultimate sacrifice. The embodiment of the Father, of all this great love and forgiveness. The father is the son, they are one. Yet the son is man, seeking his father's advice, solace, forgiveness. [All comments in brackets were made post script: It is amusing that all of these descriptions of the parts of the trinity appear in the bible, yet none of them grouped together as such. hrmmm....]
The holy spirit, beneath the surface. The all important third factor which is so easy to overlook. the fire within us, faith, that which makes each of us in His image. The force behind the miracles, the mystery of prayer, and what connects all living things. The glue of the cycle I suppose, but the cycle is flowing, ceaselessly. Gravity--the force holding the cycle together, keeping it stable.
The three made whole. Three distinct parts separate only in name, form. Water, ice, steam. Three wholes within a whole. This one small leap of faith so difficult that alone it has the ability to prevent people from truly being able to believe in what one of the most lucrative businesses ever conceived by man--which is what it most certainly is--needs so desperately for them to believe.
Based upon the most basic principles of three separate, connected, cycling people, themes, ideas, I have drawn parallels in my own life. Some have been static, pertaining to one small, specific aspect, while others run deeper, or are recurring. One such surface, static correlation pertains to my own father, myself, and the concept of my father and how his life and death shaped my own.
My father so fas as I can recall was loving and caring. He had an easy smile and thoroughly enjoyed life. I was a daddy's girl. He knew everything, he was there when I needed him and even when he wasn't, which was often, the was okay. He loved me and I knew it. I am writing with an intended audience of one, and since that one is you I feel no need to further explain the contradiction. You know.
Then there is myself. I have always closely associated with my father. In appearance, personality, attitude I have always identified with him better than my mother. It is because of this that the third aspect is so important. Almost everything I know if him is a fabrication, conjecture, hearsay. All that I see in myself that I attribute to him, be it through nature or nurture, is false. Fantasy, the product of my own fallible perception and biased opinions of others. I consider this his spirit, not some ethereal figment of some zealot's fantastic imagination. This particular parallel is often negative and I am best served by ignoring it.
A more positive derivation (deviation?) of this trinity will someday be the basis for my tattoo. The three parts are qualities I value in others and in myself, and the whole is the me I wish to stay grounded to as well as the ideal of who I try to be.
The first of these three is strength and perseverance. Strong enough to stand by my convictions and the perseverance to maintain my integrity through anything life may bring. I have in my life failed to accomplish each of these many times. These as with those to follow I now cling tightly to that I have found it within myself once again. [and have, since writing this, failed several times more.]
Without the ability to reflect upon myself honestly and with clarity there would be no convictions to stand by or integrity to uphold. Something at which I am remarkably adept, much to my dismay, is my ability to deceive myself. I try always to look at myself, my motives and actions, with as little bias as possible (clarity) and honestly. No excuses, no one else to blame.
Lastly of these three is intelligence. Not merely the existence of it, but also appreciation and the desire for the pursuit of it. Intelligence alone is no good. Within this trinity is another, comprised of intelligence, sense, and wisdom. I will not elaborate as these are self explanatory.
Now begins the source of my inspiration; the trinity as it pertains to us. Most people see a "couple" as simply the pair. Two people interacting together more closely than with others. I see us in terms of this trinity. There is you, working, laughing, loving. The surface and maybe just beneath. The you who is still mine, just not exclusively. The you other people can meet.
There is me; singular, individual, but one with you, inextricable (again, if it isn't a word, it should be). [It is a word.] The me that is shared, same as you. From here my mental image of how the number there organizes my intangible self begins to fractalate (fractulate? fractalize?) [all are wrong, at least one should be a word], as we go further into each of our depths.
Then there is all which connects the two of us, so many different connections at varying depths, from coincidental superficial similarities in likes and dislikes to the overwhelming drive that continuously pulls us ever closer together. There are so many factors I can barely grasp the concept of them within the most right-brain inexpressible reaches of my mind that for now I will stick to the simple and the obvious. That does seem to be the norm for us though, doesn't it? It has all been simple, surprisingly easy, and painfully obvious.
Our minds, thought precesses, and the overall manner in which we think is so familiar with each other. That isn't to say we are of all the same opinions, like, dislikes, so on and so forth. Futher more, we don't have to, how boring. We think along similar paths. We will be able to disagree on something (David Lynch) and know that two people can feel differently about one topic without either being wrong. Communication is easy and open, comfortable, and beautiful. I actually look forward to arguing over something with you someday just because I anticipate how healthily we will be capable of doing so.
Clearly our emotions and feelings towards each other are not only "the same" in likeness, but are somehow fused, carried broken for so long from a past in which we were already one. Those emotions so intense are one and the same, parts of a whole in a way that doesn't detract from the wholeness of each of us. Wholes within a whole...
However, it seems to me that our emotional reactions, our impressions of the world around us and all it encompasses, as well as the feelings that all of these factors leave us with, are the same. How nice to not feel so alone, to know that someone else shares your own frustrations and joys, understands you.
Which brings me to the final trinity which has been on my mind. This particular thought precess pertains specifically to you and the various roles you play in our future together. I have before asked if you feel you are ready, knowing full well you most certainly are.
Soon you are going to be thrown into the world of what society has deemed appropriately titled step-parenthood. I have always hated that prefix, for some reason it just sounds so negative. You are going to be in a position which requires so much patience and forgiveness. They will never be yours, yet you will be theirs. They will adore their father while treating you like the parent. He will be idolized; you will be emulated. You will be the strongest influence and example of a decent and good man. They will be more than just there. They will demand time from you. Time to play with you and learn from you. Bonding with them and gaining their trust and love is going to take time and work. I ask again if you feel you are ready. Do you want the responsibility of that role? Do you and simple to be with me, help with "my" kids where you can, or do you want them? Do you want that relationship, their love, to be that kind of step-parent? I do not ask out of doubt, I know that there isn't any other way you could imagine being. Do you know that?
Delicately intertwined with that role is the future role of real-parenthood. Once you become "dad" I have no question you'll be incredible, plus you will have had plenty of practice. My concern lies in the differences. I was fortunate as a child. Joe is amazing, has completely loved me exactly as his own. There was never ever a difference in the way he treated me and my sister, to this day. I want that for my boys. Never before have I considered the possibility of having children with someone other than Mike, before you. You are the only one with whom I feel, I know I would not feel any differently about ours than I do his. With anyone else they would have been favored, if only in my mind, and I could not do that to another child or children. I know I would have felt it somewhere, and they would still be my own. How difficult it must be for someone like Joe, like you, to transcend that and love wholly and equally your own child as well as children who are not. I know that is in you, you have that quality, that ability. Again, do you?
Lastly is the perpetuation of the role you have already begun. Amidst family and work, art and growth, maintaining our relationship to each other as well as to ourselves. We have both made changes in out lives, and there are certainly greater ones to come, with this goal in mind. In the end, it is your life which will be changing the most drastically. Have you taken the time to reflect on the reality of this? You have been and you are ready, I know. I believe in you. The decisions we have made thus far have been so easy in their rightness. We should expect the time will come when the decisions we must make will become more difficult. I do not worry about any difficulties together. We can get through anything if for no other reason than going back to how well we communicate.
I have so much confidence in us. We are going to make such an amazing family. Despite the hurdles, I can't imagine anyone better. They will miss their real dad, but you are going to be a better parent.
This is what you get, how my mind works when I am able to focus on one thing for any amount of time. Loosely focused chaos with a common theme. I hope I haven't bored you.
I have always found comfort in numbers. For a while I found this odd, math so often being seen in black or white, right or wrong. There is so much in the world that can be "organized" through numbers in such a way as to make clear to out limited abilities much deeper complexity. This fascinates me. π, √i, the golden ratio.
For the sake of making a point I will focus on the importance of three and the trinity. Birth, life, death, everything cyclical. All things connected, whole within a whole. It could be so easy to not look beyond the surface; sun and moon, black and white, right and wrong. Without the missing piece, beneath the surface, there is no cycle, or rather would be no cycle for there most certainly is one. Dusk and dawn, singular in nature; gray, black and white; ethics, philosophy, giving complexity to the question right or wrong. Reflecting on the past, being rooted in the present, acknowledging and preparing for the future.
My most basic knowledge of this connection is rooted in the holy trinity of the Catholic church. It is a concept which requires faith that is difficult to come by for people who bother to use their minds. The Father, God, supposedly the greatest yet each part equal. Separate yet one. He is all-knowing, loving, seeing, omnipotent. At once gentle, forgiving, angry, vengeful. Abstraction demanding concrete belief.
The son, the ultimate sacrifice. The embodiment of the Father, of all this great love and forgiveness. The father is the son, they are one. Yet the son is man, seeking his father's advice, solace, forgiveness. [All comments in brackets were made post script: It is amusing that all of these descriptions of the parts of the trinity appear in the bible, yet none of them grouped together as such. hrmmm....]
The holy spirit, beneath the surface. The all important third factor which is so easy to overlook. the fire within us, faith, that which makes each of us in His image. The force behind the miracles, the mystery of prayer, and what connects all living things. The glue of the cycle I suppose, but the cycle is flowing, ceaselessly. Gravity--the force holding the cycle together, keeping it stable.
The three made whole. Three distinct parts separate only in name, form. Water, ice, steam. Three wholes within a whole. This one small leap of faith so difficult that alone it has the ability to prevent people from truly being able to believe in what one of the most lucrative businesses ever conceived by man--which is what it most certainly is--needs so desperately for them to believe.
Based upon the most basic principles of three separate, connected, cycling people, themes, ideas, I have drawn parallels in my own life. Some have been static, pertaining to one small, specific aspect, while others run deeper, or are recurring. One such surface, static correlation pertains to my own father, myself, and the concept of my father and how his life and death shaped my own.
My father so fas as I can recall was loving and caring. He had an easy smile and thoroughly enjoyed life. I was a daddy's girl. He knew everything, he was there when I needed him and even when he wasn't, which was often, the was okay. He loved me and I knew it. I am writing with an intended audience of one, and since that one is you I feel no need to further explain the contradiction. You know.
Then there is myself. I have always closely associated with my father. In appearance, personality, attitude I have always identified with him better than my mother. It is because of this that the third aspect is so important. Almost everything I know if him is a fabrication, conjecture, hearsay. All that I see in myself that I attribute to him, be it through nature or nurture, is false. Fantasy, the product of my own fallible perception and biased opinions of others. I consider this his spirit, not some ethereal figment of some zealot's fantastic imagination. This particular parallel is often negative and I am best served by ignoring it.
A more positive derivation (deviation?) of this trinity will someday be the basis for my tattoo. The three parts are qualities I value in others and in myself, and the whole is the me I wish to stay grounded to as well as the ideal of who I try to be.
The first of these three is strength and perseverance. Strong enough to stand by my convictions and the perseverance to maintain my integrity through anything life may bring. I have in my life failed to accomplish each of these many times. These as with those to follow I now cling tightly to that I have found it within myself once again. [and have, since writing this, failed several times more.]
Without the ability to reflect upon myself honestly and with clarity there would be no convictions to stand by or integrity to uphold. Something at which I am remarkably adept, much to my dismay, is my ability to deceive myself. I try always to look at myself, my motives and actions, with as little bias as possible (clarity) and honestly. No excuses, no one else to blame.
Lastly of these three is intelligence. Not merely the existence of it, but also appreciation and the desire for the pursuit of it. Intelligence alone is no good. Within this trinity is another, comprised of intelligence, sense, and wisdom. I will not elaborate as these are self explanatory.
Now begins the source of my inspiration; the trinity as it pertains to us. Most people see a "couple" as simply the pair. Two people interacting together more closely than with others. I see us in terms of this trinity. There is you, working, laughing, loving. The surface and maybe just beneath. The you who is still mine, just not exclusively. The you other people can meet.
There is me; singular, individual, but one with you, inextricable (again, if it isn't a word, it should be). [It is a word.] The me that is shared, same as you. From here my mental image of how the number there organizes my intangible self begins to fractalate (fractulate? fractalize?) [all are wrong, at least one should be a word], as we go further into each of our depths.
Then there is all which connects the two of us, so many different connections at varying depths, from coincidental superficial similarities in likes and dislikes to the overwhelming drive that continuously pulls us ever closer together. There are so many factors I can barely grasp the concept of them within the most right-brain inexpressible reaches of my mind that for now I will stick to the simple and the obvious. That does seem to be the norm for us though, doesn't it? It has all been simple, surprisingly easy, and painfully obvious.
Our minds, thought precesses, and the overall manner in which we think is so familiar with each other. That isn't to say we are of all the same opinions, like, dislikes, so on and so forth. Futher more, we don't have to, how boring. We think along similar paths. We will be able to disagree on something (David Lynch) and know that two people can feel differently about one topic without either being wrong. Communication is easy and open, comfortable, and beautiful. I actually look forward to arguing over something with you someday just because I anticipate how healthily we will be capable of doing so.
Clearly our emotions and feelings towards each other are not only "the same" in likeness, but are somehow fused, carried broken for so long from a past in which we were already one. Those emotions so intense are one and the same, parts of a whole in a way that doesn't detract from the wholeness of each of us. Wholes within a whole...
However, it seems to me that our emotional reactions, our impressions of the world around us and all it encompasses, as well as the feelings that all of these factors leave us with, are the same. How nice to not feel so alone, to know that someone else shares your own frustrations and joys, understands you.
Which brings me to the final trinity which has been on my mind. This particular thought precess pertains specifically to you and the various roles you play in our future together. I have before asked if you feel you are ready, knowing full well you most certainly are.
Soon you are going to be thrown into the world of what society has deemed appropriately titled step-parenthood. I have always hated that prefix, for some reason it just sounds so negative. You are going to be in a position which requires so much patience and forgiveness. They will never be yours, yet you will be theirs. They will adore their father while treating you like the parent. He will be idolized; you will be emulated. You will be the strongest influence and example of a decent and good man. They will be more than just there. They will demand time from you. Time to play with you and learn from you. Bonding with them and gaining their trust and love is going to take time and work. I ask again if you feel you are ready. Do you want the responsibility of that role? Do you and simple to be with me, help with "my" kids where you can, or do you want them? Do you want that relationship, their love, to be that kind of step-parent? I do not ask out of doubt, I know that there isn't any other way you could imagine being. Do you know that?
Delicately intertwined with that role is the future role of real-parenthood. Once you become "dad" I have no question you'll be incredible, plus you will have had plenty of practice. My concern lies in the differences. I was fortunate as a child. Joe is amazing, has completely loved me exactly as his own. There was never ever a difference in the way he treated me and my sister, to this day. I want that for my boys. Never before have I considered the possibility of having children with someone other than Mike, before you. You are the only one with whom I feel, I know I would not feel any differently about ours than I do his. With anyone else they would have been favored, if only in my mind, and I could not do that to another child or children. I know I would have felt it somewhere, and they would still be my own. How difficult it must be for someone like Joe, like you, to transcend that and love wholly and equally your own child as well as children who are not. I know that is in you, you have that quality, that ability. Again, do you?
Lastly is the perpetuation of the role you have already begun. Amidst family and work, art and growth, maintaining our relationship to each other as well as to ourselves. We have both made changes in out lives, and there are certainly greater ones to come, with this goal in mind. In the end, it is your life which will be changing the most drastically. Have you taken the time to reflect on the reality of this? You have been and you are ready, I know. I believe in you. The decisions we have made thus far have been so easy in their rightness. We should expect the time will come when the decisions we must make will become more difficult. I do not worry about any difficulties together. We can get through anything if for no other reason than going back to how well we communicate.
I have so much confidence in us. We are going to make such an amazing family. Despite the hurdles, I can't imagine anyone better. They will miss their real dad, but you are going to be a better parent.
This is what you get, how my mind works when I am able to focus on one thing for any amount of time. Loosely focused chaos with a common theme. I hope I haven't bored you.