twitch, motherfucker.
Normally I'm not one to post lyrics at random, but as I was browsing purevolume I noted the lyrics of a certain song. The band wasn't that great, but the song was almost too specific. The lyrics brought negative thoughts to me for the first time sense I got wired.
Love/Misery:
"(man:)Doesnt it make you sick to know
Some ones holding the girl you love?
(woman:)The thought of him inside of me
Would make you sick with jealousy
(man:)If I could have whats mine tonight
I'd take back all my wasted time
And I'd have it all but it wouldnt be enough"
Nice and mood crashing. But I press on. Being that I can't sleep or hold still very well yet leads me to believe that I won't be sleeping for a while so I'm looking for new music to listen too. This band, Heart-Set Self Destruct is pretty good. Their song "Unlock the Razorblades" has some awsome lyrics.
Any way, I find my thinking process is back to normal but my body is still kinda lit up. It's like I drank too much caffine. I sent a warning message to some one that should, probably, be warned about me. I'm not sure if it'll piss off the wrong target tho. Not that I'm worried about the person I sent it to in any way. Enough about that tho it's killing my slightly better than usual mind set.
Me and Kyle have been hanging out more this time I'm here which is cool. Haven't really gotten to do so as much as I'd like in the last year or so. I've also been hanging out with Chelsea so she doesn't think I hate her or flip out on me for not seeing the family. It's been cool tho, she gave me some adoral which I'm now totally in love with. I figure it's about the point in my life were I make some huge mistake with my choices, almost loose everything, then learn some ultimate lesson and move on being a better person etc... My life line on either hand is strange, or so I've been told. One hand has a point where it splits in two then comes back together. The other hand has the line stray and stop then another line starts kinda on it's side and finishes out. So I'll live a double life at some point, or my life will go to shit then something weird will happen and I'll restart from a point a bit behind it. Maybe I'll go comatose and loose a few years of memory, that'd be interesting.
When I talked to Lar most recently she told me I should be doing all the things I want to do in life. Though as most know most things I want to do are not necessarily the nicest or most humane/legal things ever. There are so many ways I want to indulge myself. Things I want to own, things I want from people, things I want to do to people (both good and bad), so many things I want to try. The list goes on as all people's true desires do. In admitance I get rather...anxiouse or worried when I hear of Lar doing some newer things outside of the norms I knew about her. Envious is a word I could use too....
I always get to hear about how she goes out drinking with all her friends or going to Denny's with every one at like 2am. So jealous (the denny's in portland closes at 1am, fucking shitheads). I want to do those things with her and every one else I know here too. Fuck life, taking the things I want because it's "just how life is". Bullshit. I'm not letting people slip away any more. It's pointless to be a fucking stepping stone, it's time life gave me back some of what I gave to all the people I've cared about.
Eww, that turned into a shitty thought process. Lets try and pull the angsty cock out of my ass. I'm stoked to finally be able to get some things for people now that I have a little money to use. I know of 2 things I need to buy, one I'm not sure where to find here or which to pick from. It's weird being up this early on X-mas. I've been on myspace and the net for around 5.5 hours. It's 7:30 in the morning already. I only have on gift under the tree and I already know what it is cause my mom wrapped it in front of me. Lol, my moms airheaded like that. I wonder how Lar's present stash is going, she needs a good amount for having her b-day today too. (Fuck ian have a thought independant from your goddamn feelings for her for once, before I do I want to add that Lar mentioned she got her prom dress already. I immediatly had the urge to ask her to go to with me, but she'd have to ask me to it lol. I'm fairly sure she wants to go with Zack right now any way, I'd still like to take her though.)
I've added people's blogs to my subscription list on myspace, feel like I should start being more social on that site. That's what it's for. I've always been demanding people stay in contact with me and I've never made any effort. I'm gonna start doing so. I'm gonna hound you all till the day I'm dead. Which as of late seems like a day I'll be deciding upon soon. I'm tired of being depressed and tired, but so far only chemicals have had a good effect. Suggestions? Ugh, it's hard keeping a relatively positive train of thought. I think I've come clost to running out of things to say.
GODDAMNIT I HAVE TO FIND A WAY TO CHANGE THE HORRIBLE WAY I FEEL OR I'LL ROT AWAY INSIDE.
it's so easy to say things....it's hard to back it up.
Love/Misery:
"(man:)Doesnt it make you sick to know
Some ones holding the girl you love?
(woman:)The thought of him inside of me
Would make you sick with jealousy
(man:)If I could have whats mine tonight
I'd take back all my wasted time
And I'd have it all but it wouldnt be enough"
Nice and mood crashing. But I press on. Being that I can't sleep or hold still very well yet leads me to believe that I won't be sleeping for a while so I'm looking for new music to listen too. This band, Heart-Set Self Destruct is pretty good. Their song "Unlock the Razorblades" has some awsome lyrics.
Any way, I find my thinking process is back to normal but my body is still kinda lit up. It's like I drank too much caffine. I sent a warning message to some one that should, probably, be warned about me. I'm not sure if it'll piss off the wrong target tho. Not that I'm worried about the person I sent it to in any way. Enough about that tho it's killing my slightly better than usual mind set.
Me and Kyle have been hanging out more this time I'm here which is cool. Haven't really gotten to do so as much as I'd like in the last year or so. I've also been hanging out with Chelsea so she doesn't think I hate her or flip out on me for not seeing the family. It's been cool tho, she gave me some adoral which I'm now totally in love with. I figure it's about the point in my life were I make some huge mistake with my choices, almost loose everything, then learn some ultimate lesson and move on being a better person etc... My life line on either hand is strange, or so I've been told. One hand has a point where it splits in two then comes back together. The other hand has the line stray and stop then another line starts kinda on it's side and finishes out. So I'll live a double life at some point, or my life will go to shit then something weird will happen and I'll restart from a point a bit behind it. Maybe I'll go comatose and loose a few years of memory, that'd be interesting.
When I talked to Lar most recently she told me I should be doing all the things I want to do in life. Though as most know most things I want to do are not necessarily the nicest or most humane/legal things ever. There are so many ways I want to indulge myself. Things I want to own, things I want from people, things I want to do to people (both good and bad), so many things I want to try. The list goes on as all people's true desires do. In admitance I get rather...anxiouse or worried when I hear of Lar doing some newer things outside of the norms I knew about her. Envious is a word I could use too....
I always get to hear about how she goes out drinking with all her friends or going to Denny's with every one at like 2am. So jealous (the denny's in portland closes at 1am, fucking shitheads). I want to do those things with her and every one else I know here too. Fuck life, taking the things I want because it's "just how life is". Bullshit. I'm not letting people slip away any more. It's pointless to be a fucking stepping stone, it's time life gave me back some of what I gave to all the people I've cared about.
Eww, that turned into a shitty thought process. Lets try and pull the angsty cock out of my ass. I'm stoked to finally be able to get some things for people now that I have a little money to use. I know of 2 things I need to buy, one I'm not sure where to find here or which to pick from. It's weird being up this early on X-mas. I've been on myspace and the net for around 5.5 hours. It's 7:30 in the morning already. I only have on gift under the tree and I already know what it is cause my mom wrapped it in front of me. Lol, my moms airheaded like that. I wonder how Lar's present stash is going, she needs a good amount for having her b-day today too. (Fuck ian have a thought independant from your goddamn feelings for her for once, before I do I want to add that Lar mentioned she got her prom dress already. I immediatly had the urge to ask her to go to with me, but she'd have to ask me to it lol. I'm fairly sure she wants to go with Zack right now any way, I'd still like to take her though.)
I've added people's blogs to my subscription list on myspace, feel like I should start being more social on that site. That's what it's for. I've always been demanding people stay in contact with me and I've never made any effort. I'm gonna start doing so. I'm gonna hound you all till the day I'm dead. Which as of late seems like a day I'll be deciding upon soon. I'm tired of being depressed and tired, but so far only chemicals have had a good effect. Suggestions? Ugh, it's hard keeping a relatively positive train of thought. I think I've come clost to running out of things to say.
GODDAMNIT I HAVE TO FIND A WAY TO CHANGE THE HORRIBLE WAY I FEEL OR I'LL ROT AWAY INSIDE.
it's so easy to say things....it's hard to back it up.