Dizzyness
Blarg! This is my first post and it is nothing positive. Chi, make it better!!! But at least I WON'T BE BOTHERING ANYONE ANY MORE. Woot! One thing goes right and everything else falls to peices. And now I feel like it's all my fault...grrr!! This was supposed to be simple and fun but it's turning out to be niether. I'm more confused than ever and that's definately a bad thing.
I just kind of feel like I'm falling. A couple of days ago, things sort of fell away. Yesterday things became stable and I was happy, but then things bottomed out once more, this time worse than before and I was sent scarmblling for unattainable stability. And now... well lets just say, it doesn't help that I'm a commitment phob and totaly insecure. This is new to me and I feel like I've already messed everything up.
I guess that's part of my being insecure. Hidding behind a mask, I mean...and...this mask is who people get to know... the cutesy-anime-incocent-girl works for people and it's what I look like them as well. I wonder if anyone knows about the real me, besides Chi mainly, and my two little brothers Austin and Ryan. But does it matter? Either way, I'm screwed. One; people find out that the person they know is an act and they call me a lier and hate me forever for it. Two; the people find out who the real me is and hate that person. Blah. I've been hearing that I should take off the mask, but for what? When it's working so well and no one knows the difference. I still feel like I'm falling...wavering into this blackness... consumed by my dizzyness.
I just kind of feel like I'm falling. A couple of days ago, things sort of fell away. Yesterday things became stable and I was happy, but then things bottomed out once more, this time worse than before and I was sent scarmblling for unattainable stability. And now... well lets just say, it doesn't help that I'm a commitment phob and totaly insecure. This is new to me and I feel like I've already messed everything up.
I guess that's part of my being insecure. Hidding behind a mask, I mean...and...this mask is who people get to know... the cutesy-anime-incocent-girl works for people and it's what I look like them as well. I wonder if anyone knows about the real me, besides Chi mainly, and my two little brothers Austin and Ryan. But does it matter? Either way, I'm screwed. One; people find out that the person they know is an act and they call me a lier and hate me forever for it. Two; the people find out who the real me is and hate that person. Blah. I've been hearing that I should take off the mask, but for what? When it's working so well and no one knows the difference. I still feel like I'm falling...wavering into this blackness... consumed by my dizzyness.