Krysta? Why are you so sad?

[anime_empress]

((Im becoming emo... dont read if you dont want to waste your time. I did warn you.))

Im depressed...
Just, I used to like my job. In fact...
I loved my job...
but as of lately... its just...
not fun anymore.

And it's hard to smile when Im like this....
so I get scolded for not doing my job right...
and its an endless cycle.

And I dont like the fact that Im not bursting with happiness because Christmas is coming up...
I love Christmas.
Its always been my favorite time of the year!

But... my parents are constantly CONSTANTLY
"Oh well Christmas wont be too good this year,
we wont be able to afford much, By the way!! Could you help us out on the mortgage?"
And just...
my dad refuses for us to do lights or get a tree this year...

I mean... at least seeing a tree would make me happy...
and we cant even do that.

I just.. I dunno, feel so hopeless for NO reason.
If I could change it, I would...
I cant control when I get depressed...

Working used to help me feel better...
its why I worked so often..
but now its not helping anymore..
and yeah..

...I cant stop worrying when I know I should.