A dream of being a failure...
I suppose this was brought about by me not getting into the Western Washington English graduate program. That would make sense, even though at the time I found out I don't think it bothered me that much, but somewhere in my psyche it must've done some damage because last night I had a dream about being... well basically- a failure.
I don't know why I'm letting the dream get to me. I think the most annoying part about it was that it was like I was trying to go to school and juggle my current job and I was failing miserably to do so. I even saw a homework assignment that I had apparently drawn all over-- something of which I would never turn in. There was one professor in the dream attempting to console me and give me advice, and what he said made sense. However, moments after he said something to me, it fled my mind and I couldn't remember it. I wish I had a better memory, and I wish I would have had a pad of paper and a pencil and been writing down what he said. The other professor, who actually didn't appear in the dream, wrote some nasty things about what kind of person I was on my assignments, and I was digging through all the things he wanted me to do while the nice professor was talking. I know that's my weakness-- trying to listen while I'm doing something else. I just can't do it. I think it's a weakness that many people share, particularly men.
Anyway, I woke up this morning feeling like dirt, as this was the last dream I had before awakening. It makes me wonder though if I'll ever manage to succeed at anything... and where I should go in taking my life now. I guess I'll figure something out. Until then, at least I have a job and an awesome fiance and a cute kitten. I may hate my job, but I'm not living on the streets, and that's what's important. Anything greater in my life, I'll just have to figure out and work on it myself.
I don't know why I'm letting the dream get to me. I think the most annoying part about it was that it was like I was trying to go to school and juggle my current job and I was failing miserably to do so. I even saw a homework assignment that I had apparently drawn all over-- something of which I would never turn in. There was one professor in the dream attempting to console me and give me advice, and what he said made sense. However, moments after he said something to me, it fled my mind and I couldn't remember it. I wish I had a better memory, and I wish I would have had a pad of paper and a pencil and been writing down what he said. The other professor, who actually didn't appear in the dream, wrote some nasty things about what kind of person I was on my assignments, and I was digging through all the things he wanted me to do while the nice professor was talking. I know that's my weakness-- trying to listen while I'm doing something else. I just can't do it. I think it's a weakness that many people share, particularly men.
Anyway, I woke up this morning feeling like dirt, as this was the last dream I had before awakening. It makes me wonder though if I'll ever manage to succeed at anything... and where I should go in taking my life now. I guess I'll figure something out. Until then, at least I have a job and an awesome fiance and a cute kitten. I may hate my job, but I'm not living on the streets, and that's what's important. Anything greater in my life, I'll just have to figure out and work on it myself.