Thoughts on Friendship
Friendship is ....
Friendship is listening to one another and sharing and hearing one another.
To truly listen to a friend is to either agree to disagree, or at least "hearing" their words. A true friend evaluates the comments of their friend and takes them & their words with a grain of salt. Everyone is human(at least that I know of.) Understanding and forgiveness are critical to not getting angered by silly misunderstandings or selfishness. Without being able to forgive our friends, where are we at? Do we make new friends or do we continue drowning and wallowing in self-pity? Friendship can be the most painful experience one has ever experienced! It hurts when our friends say unkind things to us, or act selfishly. Unfortunately, even the best people can hurt their friends. Spouses hurt their spouses, often times unintentionally. Does that make the pain any better or easier to bear? I think not.
A reasonable person would evaluate their own lives based upon a standard. (My standard is the Biblical one, or at least I try to make it that way.) Without a standard to use as our rule and guide then there is no right or wrong. Truth is based upon what? How can you better yourself? By listening to what true friends have told you. Evaluating it based on your own standard and choosing what you will do with the information. Will you choose to accept that you may not be a perfect person, or will you choose to deny that possibility and reject all remote element of truth and reasonableness?
It is difficult to be honest with yourself. But in order to actually change for the better it is a very important step. I had to be honest with myself and accept that I needed major help to make changes in my own life. It was hard, it required a lot of time and money. It was the best thing I ever committed myself to do. Since my plan to healing was a very long time commitment, the new behaviors I learned stuck with me as I had time to make new habits.
What do we do when our friends anger us, weather or not it is a legitimate anger or not, do we speak unkind words back in return? Do we say things we will regret later on? How can we act in such a way that we do not add fuel to the fire? That is a tough one to know for sure, especially in the time of anger. To properly consider this one I think you must make an aware choice to never use unkind words so when the "moment" arrives. When I have been told some very nasty things I chose to respond with carefully chosen words. That doesn't mean that they were taken any better, it just means I have no regrets about what I did.
The pain is still very real. The disappointment very real. The sadness of a friend lost is very real.
We all make wrong choices, wrong actions, wrong words. Does that mean that none of us are ever able to be "true friends"? I don't believe so. There will never be a perfect friend. I know that I cannot ever be a totally "perfect" friend.
Can we really live without friends? I don't think so. I'd like to believe that friends make us stronger, that friends encourage us through our darkest days, that friends share our tears with us, that friends care about each other, check up on each other, even occasionally write to each other.
What happens if we reject all that has come to be know as friends. I beleive we get cynical, angry, bitter, hateful, sad, depressed, teary, withdrawn, critical, avoidance of people, distrusting. This is far worse than choosing to learn from our friends. I would much rather be told something I didn't like or want to hear than to live with those symptoms.
What do you think?
Friendship is listening to one another and sharing and hearing one another.
To truly listen to a friend is to either agree to disagree, or at least "hearing" their words. A true friend evaluates the comments of their friend and takes them & their words with a grain of salt. Everyone is human(at least that I know of.) Understanding and forgiveness are critical to not getting angered by silly misunderstandings or selfishness. Without being able to forgive our friends, where are we at? Do we make new friends or do we continue drowning and wallowing in self-pity? Friendship can be the most painful experience one has ever experienced! It hurts when our friends say unkind things to us, or act selfishly. Unfortunately, even the best people can hurt their friends. Spouses hurt their spouses, often times unintentionally. Does that make the pain any better or easier to bear? I think not.
A reasonable person would evaluate their own lives based upon a standard. (My standard is the Biblical one, or at least I try to make it that way.) Without a standard to use as our rule and guide then there is no right or wrong. Truth is based upon what? How can you better yourself? By listening to what true friends have told you. Evaluating it based on your own standard and choosing what you will do with the information. Will you choose to accept that you may not be a perfect person, or will you choose to deny that possibility and reject all remote element of truth and reasonableness?
It is difficult to be honest with yourself. But in order to actually change for the better it is a very important step. I had to be honest with myself and accept that I needed major help to make changes in my own life. It was hard, it required a lot of time and money. It was the best thing I ever committed myself to do. Since my plan to healing was a very long time commitment, the new behaviors I learned stuck with me as I had time to make new habits.
What do we do when our friends anger us, weather or not it is a legitimate anger or not, do we speak unkind words back in return? Do we say things we will regret later on? How can we act in such a way that we do not add fuel to the fire? That is a tough one to know for sure, especially in the time of anger. To properly consider this one I think you must make an aware choice to never use unkind words so when the "moment" arrives. When I have been told some very nasty things I chose to respond with carefully chosen words. That doesn't mean that they were taken any better, it just means I have no regrets about what I did.
The pain is still very real. The disappointment very real. The sadness of a friend lost is very real.
We all make wrong choices, wrong actions, wrong words. Does that mean that none of us are ever able to be "true friends"? I don't believe so. There will never be a perfect friend. I know that I cannot ever be a totally "perfect" friend.
Can we really live without friends? I don't think so. I'd like to believe that friends make us stronger, that friends encourage us through our darkest days, that friends share our tears with us, that friends care about each other, check up on each other, even occasionally write to each other.
What happens if we reject all that has come to be know as friends. I beleive we get cynical, angry, bitter, hateful, sad, depressed, teary, withdrawn, critical, avoidance of people, distrusting. This is far worse than choosing to learn from our friends. I would much rather be told something I didn't like or want to hear than to live with those symptoms.
What do you think?