Rules for Posting

[animar506]

Hi Friends,
Just a note that there will be no specific names used in the text of the messages. Feel free to discuss ideas, how to accomplish them and just be friends.

The purpose of this list is to learn about restoring friendships and learning about disorders that tend to prevent such relational occurrances.

Thanks for being a part of this

Comments

Re: Asperger's... I begin to wonder. (cont.)

[shyallyn]

Whether Asperger's is real or imagined, I don't think we can say for certain. For many people, their diagnosis was a relief and helped them find the answers they sought. They found a way to cope. For some, it seems to be a curse. A way to stagnate, to blame the world for being mean to them and to stay that way because its easier to do that than to pick oneself up and move forward. To stop seeing that everyone is fallible and we make mistakes that hurt those around us, but it is our love and forgiveness that keep our lives enriched with friendship and family. That is my take. If it's real, then it has helped some and that can't be all bad. Even if it's not, then we still have to consider the good it has done for some people, along with the bad it has done to some people.

I'll end my soap box speech with this: I have always tried to put myself in other people's shoes, at least those I care deeply about. To understand them better, to think like they did. It doesn't always work because all I have to go on is me, my instincts, my experiences. I just have to accept that people are they way they are and I may never know why. People with Asperger's don't have the ability to empathize, or so I've read. Does Asperger's take that ability away from them? Or was it merely the diagnosis of such? Were they trying very hard before to understand other people, and then gave up because they were told it was futile because of their disorder? Empathy is one of our greatest tools in understanding those around us and its a shame someone I cared for deeply lost that ability. Was it because they had Asperger's or because they were diagnosed?

Re: Asperger's... I begin to wonder. (cont.)

[animar506]

I totally agree!! I think that if AS is real each person given that diagnoses (or many other "diseases" also) should choose what to do with that knowledge. It seems foolish to hear how you are wired and choose not to learn from others who have experience the same thing. If there are resources available to use and others to learn from, then why not use those?

No one is perfect, we all have our struggles. Most of us don't have "named" ones tho. Maybe we are better off for it. I don't know.

I believe that a diagnoses certainly could be used for good, and that parents are trying to do just that, but when it is against one's will then it doesn't do much good!

Thanks for posting. :)

Re: Asperger's... I begin to wonder. (cont.)

[seekingtheway]

I believe in helping others ... to help themselves. Because "God helps those who help themselves" so doesn't it stand to reason if you can help somebody to help themselves you are helping them get closer to God? Now, it doesn't HAVE to be Christ/Jewish God just because I grew up Methodist and am now gnostic Christian. But, it is a nice thing to do, it's empathy and caring and whatever the person believes it can still help them see their strengths and weaknesses and hopefully how to cope better. TO help somebody be the best they can be is my goal! But, not so it's MY version of htem, but God's version of them. Some people choose to see this as me being high and mighty and egotistical and stuff, but it seems to be said only when they find they cannot agree to disagree anymore. -sigh-
empathy is NOT easy, but I stop for the world!here is a helpful quote I read from a shaman teaching another person to be a shaman:
"You will be required to confront many powerful adversaries, because the dark always follows the light. You can only overcome these opponants if you refuse to BECOME them. If you win by acting as they do, then you have lost everything" ("Dreamways of the Iroquois: Honoring the secret wishes of the soul" by Robert Moss, p 144).

Re: Asperger's... I begin to wonder. (cont.)

[seekingtheway]

wow, you're smart and seeking! That's great! Too many people today assume. They assume wht they think, or told, is true, and if you say the opposite you must be loony or wrong!
We are the only species that drinks milk after being weened, AND the only one that drinks milk from another species! Why are we drinking and eating (cheese, ice cream, etc.) goat or cow milk. when it wasn't made for us to drink, but I guess it might not be so bad, because we didn't have so many problems in humans until liek 20 years ago, when we added growth hormones and made cows meat-eaters/cannibals!
Babies get lots of immunity from the mohters milk, also it helps the baby and mother to bond. Formulah is a good thing, tho.
What I tried to do for my friend was help convince them to take more positive action for themselves, I only meant to end the self-pity and encourage them with empathy. I also find it my goal and ability to have empathy for others. AND YET my own family (sister and Dad) assumed I had problems, AND these problems had symptoms making them assume I had AS. You know what happens whe you assume, you make an ass out of u and me. hee hee.
I did my best to proove my dad wrong, but once he has an idea in his head ther is no assailing it! he had the gal to tell me to "know thyself" #_# I dont' want to go into all the details, but he gave me an ultimatum: move out or go to an AS specialist. Well, I didn't feel I had AS and if I was forced ot go to an AS specialist, wouldn't he assume I HAD AS and I'd be trapped into that. I chose to move out, my dad not knowing I'd been looking for apartments anyway. It shocked him, tho he is not one to show behind his mask.
I am trying to move forward and forgive them, but it doesn't help when they send you articles about AS after you have moved out and think you have insulated yourself and won't be happy unless I am with them again. If someone has a negative influence on you and is making you see yourself in the wrong light, shouldn't you back away from their influence? I don't agree I have AS, and it is my life, how does it help to just continue to think I have it when evidence doesn't support your theory? Because my dad doesn't let evidence ruin a good theory.
That really hurt me, and I am doing my best to recover. They were psychologicly bad for me, when I was trying to be myself, they made me seem since i wasn't THEIR version of me I was somehow mentally damaged Y_Y