(no subject)
what a hard couple of days to work through.
joe leaving... me not knowing whether he'll die or if i'll ever see him again after he ships off, me being left with nothing. its kind of strange you know, because everyone in the band has such potential and is going places assuredly. matt is pretty much a shoe-in into columbia for chef school or something like that downtown, maddie could go anywhere (probably will) and mikey is the same. minkus and i, man, we're stuck. this band is all we have going for us. i dont have grades nor will i ever go to college.
music is my life, has been, and will be, and now, with no outlet, i'm essentially dead. and i dont even work that hard at it, but i need nothing else. i have nothing if this falls through. i have nothing.
if this new guy falls through and we dissipate, i will die. and noone here can understand this. this isnt like breaking up with your goddamned boyfriend kind of feeling, this is pit-of-your-stomache dread that you know you'll lose purpose and direction and your only chance of mattering to people.
i hope this doesn't kill me.
joe leaving... me not knowing whether he'll die or if i'll ever see him again after he ships off, me being left with nothing. its kind of strange you know, because everyone in the band has such potential and is going places assuredly. matt is pretty much a shoe-in into columbia for chef school or something like that downtown, maddie could go anywhere (probably will) and mikey is the same. minkus and i, man, we're stuck. this band is all we have going for us. i dont have grades nor will i ever go to college.
music is my life, has been, and will be, and now, with no outlet, i'm essentially dead. and i dont even work that hard at it, but i need nothing else. i have nothing if this falls through. i have nothing.
if this new guy falls through and we dissipate, i will die. and noone here can understand this. this isnt like breaking up with your goddamned boyfriend kind of feeling, this is pit-of-your-stomache dread that you know you'll lose purpose and direction and your only chance of mattering to people.
i hope this doesn't kill me.