(no subject)
I'de like to start out by saying that i realize more than 0 people read this despite the 0 comment thing. Rachel came up to me today and hugged me today for my posts, which was very nice and well appreciated. It was also thouroughly deserved.
Let's begin with a joke i just made up
-What did the fire tell his doctor after he slept with a hooker?
-It pees when I burn.
Oh I just remembered a great story about this doctor I had when I went to get my scoleosis checked out at New York Hospital
The most hilarious doctor in the world. He is ready made to be a star in a sitcom. Actually, if you saw him in a sitcom, you might think it was too over the top.
He is an older man. I'm guessing late 60s, at least. Quite short. Probably about 5' 5". He talks without pausing. Quite the stream of consciousness. I told him I had scoleosis, to which he responded, "Oh, jeez, everyone's got scoleosis. Where'd you grow up? New York. Everyone's got asthma.(no, not scoleosis. he decided now that I have asthma) My daughter, my granddaughter. (He looks through my papers my mom gave him and picks up the phone to talk to his secretary.) Could you please tell everyone I need to have patient names on the back of all papers? I need this to happen. Tell Eva. (Back to me.) So asthma. Everyone. OK. What else? How's your stomach? A good stomach? Some people can't eat certain things. Do you exercise? Jewish people can't eat dairy. What do you take for the asthma? I've written a lot of papers on asthma. I'll show you this one I wrote about 4, 5 years ago. Maybe 7 or 8."
Once he found that paper, I noticed on it that it was written in 1981. Twenty-two years ago.
I then explained that I have scoleosis, not asthma. He asked me why I didn't tell him before.
At one point he was looking at my curvy back and my pale complexion sparked this conversation:
Doc: Are you Irish?
Me: No.
Doc: Do you go out in the sun a lot?
Me: I guess.
Doc: You see what's going on here with your back?
Me: Um, no. What do you mean?
Doc: Do you have a friend?
Me: What?
Doc: A friend, a companion?
Me: Yeah....
Doc: You should have them look at your back.
Me: I'd rather you looked at it and told me what is wrong.
Doc: Just check for spots.
Me: OK.
Doc (looks at my chart): Ross, huh? That's not Irish, I guess. I know a Ross. I saw him yesterday. I felt bad because I couldn't remember his first name. Big fella. Plays badminton?
Me (long pause): I don't think I know him.
Doc: Badminton.
We then talked again about scoleosis and asthma for a while. Well, he talked about it. I nodded and tried not to laugh. I wasn't laughing at him in a mean way. He is just so entertaining.
The best part was as I was leaving he called his assistant Eva, but accidentally called her Asthma. He then diagnosed me with a bad case of pencil, and prescribed me 500 milligrams of "my diploma from NYU." Of course that last part is a lie, but the Earlier Asthma/Eva thing is true.
I can't wait to go back. I'm bringing a tape recorder.
Let's begin with a joke i just made up
-What did the fire tell his doctor after he slept with a hooker?
-It pees when I burn.
Oh I just remembered a great story about this doctor I had when I went to get my scoleosis checked out at New York Hospital
The most hilarious doctor in the world. He is ready made to be a star in a sitcom. Actually, if you saw him in a sitcom, you might think it was too over the top.
He is an older man. I'm guessing late 60s, at least. Quite short. Probably about 5' 5". He talks without pausing. Quite the stream of consciousness. I told him I had scoleosis, to which he responded, "Oh, jeez, everyone's got scoleosis. Where'd you grow up? New York. Everyone's got asthma.(no, not scoleosis. he decided now that I have asthma) My daughter, my granddaughter. (He looks through my papers my mom gave him and picks up the phone to talk to his secretary.) Could you please tell everyone I need to have patient names on the back of all papers? I need this to happen. Tell Eva. (Back to me.) So asthma. Everyone. OK. What else? How's your stomach? A good stomach? Some people can't eat certain things. Do you exercise? Jewish people can't eat dairy. What do you take for the asthma? I've written a lot of papers on asthma. I'll show you this one I wrote about 4, 5 years ago. Maybe 7 or 8."
Once he found that paper, I noticed on it that it was written in 1981. Twenty-two years ago.
I then explained that I have scoleosis, not asthma. He asked me why I didn't tell him before.
At one point he was looking at my curvy back and my pale complexion sparked this conversation:
Doc: Are you Irish?
Me: No.
Doc: Do you go out in the sun a lot?
Me: I guess.
Doc: You see what's going on here with your back?
Me: Um, no. What do you mean?
Doc: Do you have a friend?
Me: What?
Doc: A friend, a companion?
Me: Yeah....
Doc: You should have them look at your back.
Me: I'd rather you looked at it and told me what is wrong.
Doc: Just check for spots.
Me: OK.
Doc (looks at my chart): Ross, huh? That's not Irish, I guess. I know a Ross. I saw him yesterday. I felt bad because I couldn't remember his first name. Big fella. Plays badminton?
Me (long pause): I don't think I know him.
Doc: Badminton.
We then talked again about scoleosis and asthma for a while. Well, he talked about it. I nodded and tried not to laugh. I wasn't laughing at him in a mean way. He is just so entertaining.
The best part was as I was leaving he called his assistant Eva, but accidentally called her Asthma. He then diagnosed me with a bad case of pencil, and prescribed me 500 milligrams of "my diploma from NYU." Of course that last part is a lie, but the Earlier Asthma/Eva thing is true.
I can't wait to go back. I'm bringing a tape recorder.