hapy not-a-holiday!
so, not gonna lie. had an awesome birthday...even though it was sad and a couple of people who were supposed to come couldn't come because of the shit ass snow. but ever since my birthday past, i feel like it's been a huge let-down. i mean, i know it's only been a week, but it's been ONE. SHITTY. WEEK.
first off, got a NASTY head cold, which has prevented me from working out since tuesday morning. i know, i sound like a pretentious work-out snob, but i really have gotten into a good routine and having not been able to get my ass moving for almost a week had made me feel overly sluggish. tag onto that, i get my monthly bitch of a visitor. my bloody valentine. so i feel like walking death.
and last of all, the god damn nightmares about adam started again. it's like my fucking brain won't let this notion go. i have absolutely no desire to ever see him again....and yet, i wake up with anxiety that i'm going to run into him.
also, i got it in my head that a really super thing to do would be to enter, and complete the 5 boro bike tour. after all, for 3 years, i trudged down to staten island and supported his ass, cheered him on, encouraged him. why not prove that i could do the same? especially since a little birdy [richie] told me he and his fiance have already registered and started training together. VOMIT. THAT ASSHOLE BEGGED AND EVENTUALLY CONVINCED ME TO BUY A $600 BIKE FOR THE PURPOSE OF HE AND I BIKING TOGETHER AND TRAINING FOR THIS DAMN RACE. AND NOW I HAVE THIS FUCKING BIKE I WISH I COULD PUT THROUGH THE WINDSHIELD OF HIS CAR.
so last night, i race to my computer with purpose, excited to register for the NYC 5 boro bike tour. i'm super pleased to know i was one of the first 15,000 to register so i get a free subscription to bike magazine. $60 dollars charged to my credit card....no big deal if i end of not doing it, right?
except i'm an asshole and as soon as i registered, i go to write the date on my calandar like a big shot....and i'm a freaking moron. i'm already taking a continuing education class for work that day. and the course cost me $640 so which is a lot more than the damn bike tour. sooooo, i absolutely CANNOT do the bike tour, even if i wanted to :( and there's no refunds for the registration on either, so i'm out money either way.
maybe this was God's way of teaching me that spite is a useless emotion. but man, that would have felt good crossing the finish-line. especially if i could do it even one minute before the HAPPY-GO-LUCKY, GOT-IT-ALL-FIGURED-OUT couple.
first off, got a NASTY head cold, which has prevented me from working out since tuesday morning. i know, i sound like a pretentious work-out snob, but i really have gotten into a good routine and having not been able to get my ass moving for almost a week had made me feel overly sluggish. tag onto that, i get my monthly bitch of a visitor. my bloody valentine. so i feel like walking death.
and last of all, the god damn nightmares about adam started again. it's like my fucking brain won't let this notion go. i have absolutely no desire to ever see him again....and yet, i wake up with anxiety that i'm going to run into him.
also, i got it in my head that a really super thing to do would be to enter, and complete the 5 boro bike tour. after all, for 3 years, i trudged down to staten island and supported his ass, cheered him on, encouraged him. why not prove that i could do the same? especially since a little birdy [richie] told me he and his fiance have already registered and started training together. VOMIT. THAT ASSHOLE BEGGED AND EVENTUALLY CONVINCED ME TO BUY A $600 BIKE FOR THE PURPOSE OF HE AND I BIKING TOGETHER AND TRAINING FOR THIS DAMN RACE. AND NOW I HAVE THIS FUCKING BIKE I WISH I COULD PUT THROUGH THE WINDSHIELD OF HIS CAR.
so last night, i race to my computer with purpose, excited to register for the NYC 5 boro bike tour. i'm super pleased to know i was one of the first 15,000 to register so i get a free subscription to bike magazine. $60 dollars charged to my credit card....no big deal if i end of not doing it, right?
except i'm an asshole and as soon as i registered, i go to write the date on my calandar like a big shot....and i'm a freaking moron. i'm already taking a continuing education class for work that day. and the course cost me $640 so which is a lot more than the damn bike tour. sooooo, i absolutely CANNOT do the bike tour, even if i wanted to :( and there's no refunds for the registration on either, so i'm out money either way.
maybe this was God's way of teaching me that spite is a useless emotion. but man, that would have felt good crossing the finish-line. especially if i could do it even one minute before the HAPPY-GO-LUCKY, GOT-IT-ALL-FIGURED-OUT couple.