part III.
i never thought i'd be one to have so much drama, and yet, here i am telling part III of a never-ending story that could easily appear on TNT [and probably be cancelled after two shows].
.....
after adam and i spent the hooky-day together, i felt a little more hopeful about things. i can't be sure if i was just hopeful that we'd get back together, or i was glad to know he at least cared enough to spend one of his very few days off of work with me.
with christmas soon approaching, i was keeping very busy, running errands and getting shopping done. adam had invited me to christmas eve dinner at his mother's house, which i didn't take very seriously because that seemed a little too intimate [even though he attended t-giving at my house]. christmas eve, i arrived home from work and 15 minutes later was out the door and driving to my aunt debbie's house, where the 7 fishes were awaiting my arrival [a real waste, considering i didn't eat anything but the steak and rice balls]. when i turned adam down for dinner at his mom's house, he suggested we hang out afterwards and drink a little alcomahol...which sounded a little strange because i was sure it'd be late by then [but i was secretly hoping he just wanted to be alone with me for who knows what].
anyway, bypassing a side-story where i ended up at adam's mother's house after all, i'll skip to the part where adam changed plans and decided we'd hang out at my house after his family gathering dispersed. we get to my house and immediately the wine is open and flowing. we're having a nice time together and we decide to exchange gifts. eventually my mom [who was obnoxiously intruding and not allowing me to spend a minute alone with adam] decided to head up to bed, and i was expecting adam to say something like "well I'd better get going before santa gets to my house and there's no cookies" but instead he poured us another glass of wine each, and put on a DVD.
not just any DVD either. LOVE ACTUALLY.
my favorite movie of all time, and a movie i made him watch last year when we were together.
we're sitting next to eachother on the couch, but it's nothing out of the ordinary. then, maybe 20 minutes into the movie, i hear a yawn escape adam's mouth....followed by an arm reaching around my shoulders. WTF. what is this, saved by the bell?
i look over at him, confused, but comfortable. as an almost automatic response, i nuzzle my head closer to his chest and sigh. i can hear his heart pounding. the warmth of his chest pulsing against my cheek. his breathing, shallow.
i tilt my head away, but rotate my chin towards him. his eyes are scanning my face, my lips. my own heart steady but pounding. and then....our lips meet, and my eyes well up. we're kissing softly, both with hesitation. it's like we're both afraid to break eachother, but not enough to stop.
we pull away. silence. then a nervous giggle from each of us.
neither of us say a word, but almost instinctually, our fingers intertwine and we are adam and lauren. the past 3 months, an awful dream.
the movie ends. adam must leave.
he kisses me goodnight, but i'm still not sure if it happened. could it really be that simple? no.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i wake up the next morning and it's christmas. adam calls and says he's in the area [at his mom's]. he offers to bring me a CD because i have no blank ones and i am trying to make a gift for Kelly. i'm petrified of what will happen when he gets here....will he kiss me hello? will he be awkward and overly friend-like?
all my fears are calmed when he bursts through my door and kisses me smack on the lips. i feel like a million bucks. maybe more.
christmas goes smoothly and i avoid the topic of adam because i have no idea what's going on with us, and i don't want to hear shit from my family about making stupid decisions.
at the end of the night, adam asks me back to his place. i tell him i don't have my car and he says he'll drive me back later....."maybe".
i couldn't tell if he was just kidding, or if he was implying he wanted me to stay over. paralyzed, i couldn't ask.
we get to his apartment and it's pretty relaxed. we're looking at youtube videos and stupid internet stuff... and then he sits next to me. i feel like i'm 10 years old, the butterflies are fluttering inside my ribcage. we're kissing again, but this time with less hesitation. more hunger. DFLDAJFLGJ;GJGJG;LFJGFLGJL;
::insert hot & heavy hand-holding::
we're like glue most of the weekend. it feels like old times....but not the shitty old times....the ones where i was walking on air without a care in the world. and being scared of losing this feeling, i stupid let days and days pass without asking him what's going on between us.
now it's new years eve and i am going to a pajama party. still wanting to look sexy on new years, i bought a sexy babydoll and a black robe to go over it. when i got home, i reconsidered my outfit [perhaps more slutty than sexy] and decided to add a pair of black satin pants. adam came over before the party and it seemed a little awkard. i felt like there was an invisable line between us, and i couldn't figure out why.
we left for the party, and i was incredibly self-conscious. i was petrified i would be the only person dressed in pajamas. [this was, thank god, not the case]. at the party, we run into Laura, who i went to junior high school with. she knows me and she knows adam, and last i spoke to her, adam and i were still together.
"Hey guys, you look great" she says, "I still can't believe you two ended up together after so many years since junior high. How long have you been together ?"
GULP.
after about 10 deafening seconds of silence, i casually say, "Welllllllllllllll....." and my trailing voice is suddenly cut short by a tongue in my mouth.
!!!!!!!!!!!
WHAT!?
adam is kissing me in front of laura, and i can't be sure if it's because he didn't want me to have to explain, or if he was trying to show me that we're together again and the "Welllllll" part doesn't matter.
anyway, midnight rolls around and we kiss into 2009.
and here i am, writing part III and waiting for adam to call me.
are we together again?
i have no fucking clue.
but my mood so far in 2009 has well-surpassed my mood for the final quarter of 2008.
.....
after adam and i spent the hooky-day together, i felt a little more hopeful about things. i can't be sure if i was just hopeful that we'd get back together, or i was glad to know he at least cared enough to spend one of his very few days off of work with me.
with christmas soon approaching, i was keeping very busy, running errands and getting shopping done. adam had invited me to christmas eve dinner at his mother's house, which i didn't take very seriously because that seemed a little too intimate [even though he attended t-giving at my house]. christmas eve, i arrived home from work and 15 minutes later was out the door and driving to my aunt debbie's house, where the 7 fishes were awaiting my arrival [a real waste, considering i didn't eat anything but the steak and rice balls]. when i turned adam down for dinner at his mom's house, he suggested we hang out afterwards and drink a little alcomahol...which sounded a little strange because i was sure it'd be late by then [but i was secretly hoping he just wanted to be alone with me for who knows what].
anyway, bypassing a side-story where i ended up at adam's mother's house after all, i'll skip to the part where adam changed plans and decided we'd hang out at my house after his family gathering dispersed. we get to my house and immediately the wine is open and flowing. we're having a nice time together and we decide to exchange gifts. eventually my mom [who was obnoxiously intruding and not allowing me to spend a minute alone with adam] decided to head up to bed, and i was expecting adam to say something like "well I'd better get going before santa gets to my house and there's no cookies" but instead he poured us another glass of wine each, and put on a DVD.
not just any DVD either. LOVE ACTUALLY.
my favorite movie of all time, and a movie i made him watch last year when we were together.
we're sitting next to eachother on the couch, but it's nothing out of the ordinary. then, maybe 20 minutes into the movie, i hear a yawn escape adam's mouth....followed by an arm reaching around my shoulders. WTF. what is this, saved by the bell?
i look over at him, confused, but comfortable. as an almost automatic response, i nuzzle my head closer to his chest and sigh. i can hear his heart pounding. the warmth of his chest pulsing against my cheek. his breathing, shallow.
i tilt my head away, but rotate my chin towards him. his eyes are scanning my face, my lips. my own heart steady but pounding. and then....our lips meet, and my eyes well up. we're kissing softly, both with hesitation. it's like we're both afraid to break eachother, but not enough to stop.
we pull away. silence. then a nervous giggle from each of us.
neither of us say a word, but almost instinctually, our fingers intertwine and we are adam and lauren. the past 3 months, an awful dream.
the movie ends. adam must leave.
he kisses me goodnight, but i'm still not sure if it happened. could it really be that simple? no.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i wake up the next morning and it's christmas. adam calls and says he's in the area [at his mom's]. he offers to bring me a CD because i have no blank ones and i am trying to make a gift for Kelly. i'm petrified of what will happen when he gets here....will he kiss me hello? will he be awkward and overly friend-like?
all my fears are calmed when he bursts through my door and kisses me smack on the lips. i feel like a million bucks. maybe more.
christmas goes smoothly and i avoid the topic of adam because i have no idea what's going on with us, and i don't want to hear shit from my family about making stupid decisions.
at the end of the night, adam asks me back to his place. i tell him i don't have my car and he says he'll drive me back later....."maybe".
i couldn't tell if he was just kidding, or if he was implying he wanted me to stay over. paralyzed, i couldn't ask.
we get to his apartment and it's pretty relaxed. we're looking at youtube videos and stupid internet stuff... and then he sits next to me. i feel like i'm 10 years old, the butterflies are fluttering inside my ribcage. we're kissing again, but this time with less hesitation. more hunger. DFLDAJFLGJ;GJGJG;LFJGFLGJL;
::insert hot & heavy hand-holding::
we're like glue most of the weekend. it feels like old times....but not the shitty old times....the ones where i was walking on air without a care in the world. and being scared of losing this feeling, i stupid let days and days pass without asking him what's going on between us.
now it's new years eve and i am going to a pajama party. still wanting to look sexy on new years, i bought a sexy babydoll and a black robe to go over it. when i got home, i reconsidered my outfit [perhaps more slutty than sexy] and decided to add a pair of black satin pants. adam came over before the party and it seemed a little awkard. i felt like there was an invisable line between us, and i couldn't figure out why.
we left for the party, and i was incredibly self-conscious. i was petrified i would be the only person dressed in pajamas. [this was, thank god, not the case]. at the party, we run into Laura, who i went to junior high school with. she knows me and she knows adam, and last i spoke to her, adam and i were still together.
"Hey guys, you look great" she says, "I still can't believe you two ended up together after so many years since junior high. How long have you been together ?"
GULP.
after about 10 deafening seconds of silence, i casually say, "Welllllllllllllll....." and my trailing voice is suddenly cut short by a tongue in my mouth.
!!!!!!!!!!!
WHAT!?
adam is kissing me in front of laura, and i can't be sure if it's because he didn't want me to have to explain, or if he was trying to show me that we're together again and the "Welllllll" part doesn't matter.
anyway, midnight rolls around and we kiss into 2009.
and here i am, writing part III and waiting for adam to call me.
are we together again?
i have no fucking clue.
but my mood so far in 2009 has well-surpassed my mood for the final quarter of 2008.