Winded Rant.
I feel icky again.
Gonna Rant for a bit. Please ignore it as it’s just stupid.
(damn, that intro now makes me wanan watch Star Wars again... anyhow...
I’ve been ignoring things again.
I’ve slipped back into not doing anything again. I know I was just there but I thought I pulled myself out. The smallest things hurt again, like it’s a personal attack or some stupid shit like that. I don’t know.
Can’t take living here. It’s a mess. I ay I have no one here in town but I hide form Jeannie for some reason. Ha, haven’t even seen her since LA. How sad. I haven’t talked to Julie in weeks, and the last time I talked to Stephie I felt so bad. Kat’s mad at me, I know she is. It’s stupid, I was crying today again thinking of her. I know I hurt her some how. Or annoyed her. Maybe just pissed her off. Not sure. I miss the e-mails and the texting back and forth. I did something that stopped that... I’m just not that good a person. I’ve slow all contact with Shawn for about a year now, which is really STUPID because I see him online all the time on a hidden name. I feel like I stalk him cus I can see him on but he can’t see me. Dade!Steve, Rag!Steve and Nato!Steve... all three of them I seem too have stopped talking to as well. Vid? Fuck, he was like a brother, and I can’t even find him anymore. I don’t even talk to people in my DeviantArt Galleries anymore. Greg, lords, I do him wrong on a daily rate. He’s the only one of the old group worried enough to actually CALL me just to “See how ya doing”. Seriously, I think I sat there and cried when I heard his phone message. That’s how dumb I am. I started talking to Erin again, and right now she's the only one I feel safe to talk to. Which sounds reallllllllly stupid cus I WANT to talk to the others, but now that it’s been forever I feel stupid just randomly saying “hi!”
I feel angsty as hell. Like a stupid teen or something. There are only a few things holding me together right now.
1) Saving up money to go to Vancouver for X-mas, because I hate being here for X-mas. HATE IT. And I have a friend up there who might be alone, so... gonna go see her. Hopefully.
2) Its stupid, but just sitting here pretending to be more active and productive in making something for AX next year, and fuck, I don’t even know if I’m GOING. But I want to, and so I’ll pretend that it’s going to happen, so I have something to do.
3) Rereading stupid OLD e-mails from my Soul Sister about moving out together and rooming somewhere. LA? San Francisco? Seattle? Anywhere? (I think I fucked this one up, but oh well... I’m still going to pretend I haven’t just yet)
4) the fact that I just got raised up to 13 dollars an hour for a fucking shit ass job. But I wont complain. I have one at least.
I feel sick again. I’ve had this headache for almost non stop for a few days. My monitor is so dim right now. I’m a little scared but then again not phased by the fact that the other day I think I passed out on the living room floor and didn’t realize it at all. (I got written up for being a hour late to work that day too. -.-; fuckers. Lack of blood, a headache and passing out don’t count for excused! DEAD counts for excused. Fuck that, next week I’ll call in dead.) Anyhow... so, that’s my 3rd write up. They should be firing me any day, but I doubt it. They don’t do shit like that or something. What ever.
I hate my job, and yet its so simple, easy as fuck, I get to draw all I want, and kick back for a few hours doing nothing. What’s not to like? Besides the weather the sun the people I work with and other annoying things. Dan’s leaving for at least 3 months, which sucks... cus he’s cool. Gina and Ronda are leaving for good. I have people at work who just WONT SUUT UP! Omg... I just wanna kill them. Oh and SOMEONE FUCKING STOLE MY BINDER OF DRAWINGS *sobs*. That annoys me to no end. It was a new one, so it didn’t have a LOT to it, but I had at last 15 images I really liked. Never got any scanned either.
Speaking of drawings, I’ve gotten behind on my deviant art account. Which sadly isn’t paid for anymore. So it sucks. And my Card wont work online anymore cus of theft restrictions. Fuckers. Oh, speaking of Fuckers. I came home yesterday and found a package I sent to a friend ripped up and saying it cant be mailed. WTF? The letter inside is all torn and bent and I don’t even know what happened to it. But I’m sure she's mad at me for not sending THAT on time either. I sent it WEEKS ago. The Mail man who returned it though, he’s pretty cool. I get to resend it for Free. I just gotta get the time to... well SEND it again. Post office’s and their horrible hours. I’m so horrible about mailing things. -.-;
Random note: I’ve got a few new CDs. Thanks to Jennie I was hooked on Buffy the Musical. Got that finaly. I also picked up Rent (AWESOME, can’t wait t o see the movie haha), and the nightmare before X-mas soundtrack too. And Wicked. Man I really wanted to see that something bad. I mean I was even planning on sleeping at the train station in order to go see it. But house bills struck, and for some reason I had to put in more then my share, and I was broke.... until the day AFTER the show moved to the next city. I am SO tempted to fly to Toronto just to see it. Damnit. Hooked.
Also, a CD that I’ve nearly played out, a gift, The Everglow, by Mae (I think is peleld that right). OMG I love it so badly. I play it every night when I go to bed. Kind a helps I think. A beautiful person gave it to me and I cant thank her enough really. I’ve found, unless It’s a really bad night, that it helps me though some of the dreams. So cool.
The kittens are the best. Alphonse and Winry, after the Full Metal Alchemist Characters. They fit the characters well. Speaking of FMA> I HATE THE FUCKING ENDING OMG CRY!.... okeis done. Though on the Anime subject, I just finished reading Juvenile Orion. That’s........ really cute. Haha. I liked it. And Antique Bakery. I think that’s what it was called. Book 1 is in English only so far I guess. It’s rather cute. Slashy but that’s okies, I still like it.
Bah, talking at random isn’t helping much anymore. I still feel sick. I wanna be sadistic to my Role Play Characters. I wanna continue RPing in my Naruto game, but I don’t think the other player wants to play anymore. And I feel bad cus I haven’t been as good to the other games I DO love, I just... .feel left out of. And then theres Hogwarts and Beyond, which I just feel shitty for because I DO want to play, but I feel like a spear tire there at times. And Random... thank god for Erin and her morbid love of torture. If it wasn’t for her right now I think I would do something stupider then I already have done. I just with I could RP more with Laura there, and Steve. I miss Kari randomly, and Julie and Stephie. I miss the old days. GAH, yes, stopping the random shit now.
And none of that made sense huh.
I died my hair black! It has a red streak in it now.
And not that you need to know this (or that anyone will read this far anyhow) but I have mysteries cramps and I wish they and the headache would go away.
I wish it would rain.
I Miss Rain as well. And Natasha and Jeannie and Na-chan, and Des and Netto and Wilder, and Mika, and very basically everyone.
Yo, Shivering Sheep... I’m so damend bored in my head and in such a horrible mood that I actually think I wouldn’t mind going back to Michael’s to be stocked by Michael’s Guy again. How sad, yes? Or glomped by the Moogle... (Still can’t believe a Moogle hit on me at that Dance).
What ever. Fuck, rambling. I need to go do something. I should check E-mails. Maybe she wrote me back. Prolly not.
Going to have a new journal I think. Friends only though. So if you wanna know what it is, or if you wanna read it, ask, I’ll add you if I haven’t already. Otherwise... I’ll use this as well, but I don’t know.
Anyhow, End Rant. *huffs* Wish it helped.
Tori
Gonna Rant for a bit. Please ignore it as it’s just stupid.
(damn, that intro now makes me wanan watch Star Wars again... anyhow...
I’ve been ignoring things again.
I’ve slipped back into not doing anything again. I know I was just there but I thought I pulled myself out. The smallest things hurt again, like it’s a personal attack or some stupid shit like that. I don’t know.
Can’t take living here. It’s a mess. I ay I have no one here in town but I hide form Jeannie for some reason. Ha, haven’t even seen her since LA. How sad. I haven’t talked to Julie in weeks, and the last time I talked to Stephie I felt so bad. Kat’s mad at me, I know she is. It’s stupid, I was crying today again thinking of her. I know I hurt her some how. Or annoyed her. Maybe just pissed her off. Not sure. I miss the e-mails and the texting back and forth. I did something that stopped that... I’m just not that good a person. I’ve slow all contact with Shawn for about a year now, which is really STUPID because I see him online all the time on a hidden name. I feel like I stalk him cus I can see him on but he can’t see me. Dade!Steve, Rag!Steve and Nato!Steve... all three of them I seem too have stopped talking to as well. Vid? Fuck, he was like a brother, and I can’t even find him anymore. I don’t even talk to people in my DeviantArt Galleries anymore. Greg, lords, I do him wrong on a daily rate. He’s the only one of the old group worried enough to actually CALL me just to “See how ya doing”. Seriously, I think I sat there and cried when I heard his phone message. That’s how dumb I am. I started talking to Erin again, and right now she's the only one I feel safe to talk to. Which sounds reallllllllly stupid cus I WANT to talk to the others, but now that it’s been forever I feel stupid just randomly saying “hi!”
I feel angsty as hell. Like a stupid teen or something. There are only a few things holding me together right now.
1) Saving up money to go to Vancouver for X-mas, because I hate being here for X-mas. HATE IT. And I have a friend up there who might be alone, so... gonna go see her. Hopefully.
2) Its stupid, but just sitting here pretending to be more active and productive in making something for AX next year, and fuck, I don’t even know if I’m GOING. But I want to, and so I’ll pretend that it’s going to happen, so I have something to do.
3) Rereading stupid OLD e-mails from my Soul Sister about moving out together and rooming somewhere. LA? San Francisco? Seattle? Anywhere? (I think I fucked this one up, but oh well... I’m still going to pretend I haven’t just yet)
4) the fact that I just got raised up to 13 dollars an hour for a fucking shit ass job. But I wont complain. I have one at least.
I feel sick again. I’ve had this headache for almost non stop for a few days. My monitor is so dim right now. I’m a little scared but then again not phased by the fact that the other day I think I passed out on the living room floor and didn’t realize it at all. (I got written up for being a hour late to work that day too. -.-; fuckers. Lack of blood, a headache and passing out don’t count for excused! DEAD counts for excused. Fuck that, next week I’ll call in dead.) Anyhow... so, that’s my 3rd write up. They should be firing me any day, but I doubt it. They don’t do shit like that or something. What ever.
I hate my job, and yet its so simple, easy as fuck, I get to draw all I want, and kick back for a few hours doing nothing. What’s not to like? Besides the weather the sun the people I work with and other annoying things. Dan’s leaving for at least 3 months, which sucks... cus he’s cool. Gina and Ronda are leaving for good. I have people at work who just WONT SUUT UP! Omg... I just wanna kill them. Oh and SOMEONE FUCKING STOLE MY BINDER OF DRAWINGS *sobs*. That annoys me to no end. It was a new one, so it didn’t have a LOT to it, but I had at last 15 images I really liked. Never got any scanned either.
Speaking of drawings, I’ve gotten behind on my deviant art account. Which sadly isn’t paid for anymore. So it sucks. And my Card wont work online anymore cus of theft restrictions. Fuckers. Oh, speaking of Fuckers. I came home yesterday and found a package I sent to a friend ripped up and saying it cant be mailed. WTF? The letter inside is all torn and bent and I don’t even know what happened to it. But I’m sure she's mad at me for not sending THAT on time either. I sent it WEEKS ago. The Mail man who returned it though, he’s pretty cool. I get to resend it for Free. I just gotta get the time to... well SEND it again. Post office’s and their horrible hours. I’m so horrible about mailing things. -.-;
Random note: I’ve got a few new CDs. Thanks to Jennie I was hooked on Buffy the Musical. Got that finaly. I also picked up Rent (AWESOME, can’t wait t o see the movie haha), and the nightmare before X-mas soundtrack too. And Wicked. Man I really wanted to see that something bad. I mean I was even planning on sleeping at the train station in order to go see it. But house bills struck, and for some reason I had to put in more then my share, and I was broke.... until the day AFTER the show moved to the next city. I am SO tempted to fly to Toronto just to see it. Damnit. Hooked.
Also, a CD that I’ve nearly played out, a gift, The Everglow, by Mae (I think is peleld that right). OMG I love it so badly. I play it every night when I go to bed. Kind a helps I think. A beautiful person gave it to me and I cant thank her enough really. I’ve found, unless It’s a really bad night, that it helps me though some of the dreams. So cool.
The kittens are the best. Alphonse and Winry, after the Full Metal Alchemist Characters. They fit the characters well. Speaking of FMA> I HATE THE FUCKING ENDING OMG CRY!.... okeis done. Though on the Anime subject, I just finished reading Juvenile Orion. That’s........ really cute. Haha. I liked it. And Antique Bakery. I think that’s what it was called. Book 1 is in English only so far I guess. It’s rather cute. Slashy but that’s okies, I still like it.
Bah, talking at random isn’t helping much anymore. I still feel sick. I wanna be sadistic to my Role Play Characters. I wanna continue RPing in my Naruto game, but I don’t think the other player wants to play anymore. And I feel bad cus I haven’t been as good to the other games I DO love, I just... .feel left out of. And then theres Hogwarts and Beyond, which I just feel shitty for because I DO want to play, but I feel like a spear tire there at times. And Random... thank god for Erin and her morbid love of torture. If it wasn’t for her right now I think I would do something stupider then I already have done. I just with I could RP more with Laura there, and Steve. I miss Kari randomly, and Julie and Stephie. I miss the old days. GAH, yes, stopping the random shit now.
And none of that made sense huh.
I died my hair black! It has a red streak in it now.
And not that you need to know this (or that anyone will read this far anyhow) but I have mysteries cramps and I wish they and the headache would go away.
I wish it would rain.
I Miss Rain as well. And Natasha and Jeannie and Na-chan, and Des and Netto and Wilder, and Mika, and very basically everyone.
Yo, Shivering Sheep... I’m so damend bored in my head and in such a horrible mood that I actually think I wouldn’t mind going back to Michael’s to be stocked by Michael’s Guy again. How sad, yes? Or glomped by the Moogle... (Still can’t believe a Moogle hit on me at that Dance).
What ever. Fuck, rambling. I need to go do something. I should check E-mails. Maybe she wrote me back. Prolly not.
Going to have a new journal I think. Friends only though. So if you wanna know what it is, or if you wanna read it, ask, I’ll add you if I haven’t already. Otherwise... I’ll use this as well, but I don’t know.
Anyhow, End Rant. *huffs* Wish it helped.
Tori