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dear blue peter
i'm sorry i hurt you. i'm sorry it's over. you say you don't understand why i wish i still felt the same. i don't understand it either. but that's the only way i can express it. i wish my feelings hadn't changed. i wish i still wanted to talk to you three times a day and see you four times a week. but that desire is gone. i am surprised - there seems to be no explanation. three weeks away was all it took to realise you didn't fit quite right. and yet, there's nothing wrong with you. it's as if the hot water has been turned off by an invisible hand. now there's just a steady cold trickle.
i cry because i made you cry. i didn't realise what an impact i had made. didn't realise i had the power to break your heart. the image of your lips quivering today will haunt me. the way you shook your head at my explanations. the way you said it would take a long time for you to meet someone like me again. the way you said you feared you would be just a blip in my life, but that i would be a milestone in yours. never had i felt more undeserving.
the way you said "i love you" for the first time and last.
the only reason i can give is that i didn't want to take you for granted anymore. i didn't want to push you around, be in charge, take control.
i am as wretched as i feel.
i hope your wound heals quickly.
-anna
(july 31, 2005 - january 14, 2006)
i'm sorry i hurt you. i'm sorry it's over. you say you don't understand why i wish i still felt the same. i don't understand it either. but that's the only way i can express it. i wish my feelings hadn't changed. i wish i still wanted to talk to you three times a day and see you four times a week. but that desire is gone. i am surprised - there seems to be no explanation. three weeks away was all it took to realise you didn't fit quite right. and yet, there's nothing wrong with you. it's as if the hot water has been turned off by an invisible hand. now there's just a steady cold trickle.
i cry because i made you cry. i didn't realise what an impact i had made. didn't realise i had the power to break your heart. the image of your lips quivering today will haunt me. the way you shook your head at my explanations. the way you said it would take a long time for you to meet someone like me again. the way you said you feared you would be just a blip in my life, but that i would be a milestone in yours. never had i felt more undeserving.
the way you said "i love you" for the first time and last.
the only reason i can give is that i didn't want to take you for granted anymore. i didn't want to push you around, be in charge, take control.
i am as wretched as i feel.
i hope your wound heals quickly.
-anna
(july 31, 2005 - january 14, 2006)