Things I hate about romfic/fanfic. A LIST.
Future/ intergalactic romfic of any kind. Blergh. Makes me sick inside.
The words: “SS/HP No slash” WHY. Why write a SS/HP if there is going to be no slash, what is the point?!
As I’ve said many times before, any “author” who says “Chappie” instead of chapter, “cliffy” instead of cliff-hanger, and can’t spell prologue, Severus, Lucius or Dumbledore.
Those that clearly label their fic as r-rated and all kinds of devious, but actually only have glancing kisses in them, or weird names for body parts that take away from the moment because you’re too busy laughing at the fact someone’s penis was called a “mini them”, or you know, “steel rod of power”. Bahahahahahaha.
Weak, female, crycrycry characters who in canon are in no way that pathetic and out of control and needy.
A romfic wherein the male lead does something TOTALLY STUPID and the female lead decides he really is totally stupid and walks away only to forgive him far too soon for his stupidity so that there is no anticlimax whatsoever.
A complication of emotions fic which the author decides is not enough and thus a random plot device is stuck in the middle, distracting from a story that really could have just been about the emotional connection of the characters involved.
The words: “HP/JP Slash” just wrong. Wrong, wrong wrong wrong. While I like a bit of incest, I can only really stand Twincest and Wincest. NO father/son (that means you Malfoy!) or parent/children relationships at all. Gross. James is dead. Deal with it.
Romfic in which the male lead has accused the female lead of a great and awful wrong, and instead of saying a giant “fuck you, get your facts right motherfucker!”, the female lead, for some unknown reason allows him to verbally annihilate her because of 1) some family members she’s protecting who actually have no respect for her anyway, 2)somebody else’s secret, 3)her stung pride at his assumption, why not just put him right and walk away, 4)because she just wants to be close to him and it doesn’t matter, he’ll find out she’s a virgin and not a whoreslut as soon as he sleeps with her anyway! BUM I say to all those reasons, the author is trying to make the female sound kind and selfless, but only succeeds as painting her as a walkover.
AU fic in which James and Lily mysteriously survived Voldemort. I have never read a good one. I’d very much like to read one in which Lily, after much temptation, leaves James for Severus. A meaner less pathetic canon Severus.
Any slash with the following pairs: Aragorn/Legolas, Legolas/Haldir, incests and twincests within the LotRs realm……except maybe Elrohir/Elladan, Severus/Sirius, Sirius/Remus (bleh!), Sirius/anyone male, Jareth/Toby (NO!), Edward/Jacob, Lucius/Severus, Angel/Spike, Logan/Alec, Harry/Ron, Hook/Peter, Cyclops/Wolverine,
Het of the following nature: Harry/Hermione, Ron/Hermione (noone ever writes Ron correctly for that to work), Harry/Ginny, Aragorn/Arwen (yawn!), Aragorn/Eowyn, Gabrielle/Joxer, Peter/Wendy, Clark/Lana, Clark/Chloe, Edward/Alice, Jasper/Alice, Jean/Wolverine, I’m sure there are some I’ve forgotten.
Were-romfic in which the were-male is just not alpha enough, and not enough friction between leads. I like an edgy, uneasy female and a self-assured, yet helplessly protective male. IS THAT SO HARD, WRITERS! Says Nalini Singh, Christine Feehan, Alyssa Day and Lora Leigh: NO, IT IS NOT.
Female characters that have some kind of were-form, magic power, or supernatural associations getting together with simple human males. Yuck. I don’t care if their males are super-cops, bodyguards, detectives, assasins, cowboys or Indians. You can’t make a human super unless he has power of some kind.
Any romfic that involves children. Oh my twin died, I’m taking care of her child as if it were my own and just because this child is yours Mr rich Italian/Spaniard/Greek/Arab doesn’t mean that I’m going to allow you to take them without me back to your country. OR Yes, I did leave you 5 years ago to have your child which I knew you didn’t want, and now you can’t just waltz back in here expecting to have a piece of his life without falling madly in love with me again. OR just because I’m pregnant, is not a reason to get married, but you’ve convinced me with your story of my history/your childhood/the legitimacy of my baby coming into question. NO CHILDREN IN MY STORIES.
During school HPSS, SSHG, HPRL, HGRL fic, I’m slightly uncomfortable with it because in general the writers characterise the younger generation as being extremely childish in such a way that is no way attractive to me, so how could it be in any way attractive to someone almost twice my age….? It is not endearing, it is sick.
Detention fic in which Hermione seduces Snape, Harry gives him a blow-job on command, or snape gives someone a spanking. Just no. Not in my detention-fic thanks.
Bad creature-fic. Creature-fic should be written like were-romfic. And that is that.
Dark!harry. He makes me laugh, stop it.
Angst (deathfic). No. Angst can only be part of something bigger, there is no point in angstfic by itself, it’s just depressing and noone wants to read it when everyone dies, or someone already is dead and everyone’s depressed, or someone commits suicide or contemplates it (generally written by someone who’s a bit sad, but has never actually thought about offing themselves), a self-harm fic written by someone who has never self-harmed or known anyone who self-harms- they just come across as ludicrous., or a fic about someone who has been cheating on their partner, found their partner cheating on them or will never be loved back by their subject. Not only sad, but boringly predictable too.
Really long unfinished fic that has not been announced as such.
Oneshots, drabbles and ficlets in general. Although there are some really fucking awesome one shots and ficlets out there, most are written badly, drabbles are POINTLESS and usually angsty.
Too many lemons and limes in my fic. A little goes a long way.
Genfic Away with you. Noone reads you unless you’re part of an already discovered author’s repertoire.
TBC....
)0(
The words: “SS/HP No slash” WHY. Why write a SS/HP if there is going to be no slash, what is the point?!
As I’ve said many times before, any “author” who says “Chappie” instead of chapter, “cliffy” instead of cliff-hanger, and can’t spell prologue, Severus, Lucius or Dumbledore.
Those that clearly label their fic as r-rated and all kinds of devious, but actually only have glancing kisses in them, or weird names for body parts that take away from the moment because you’re too busy laughing at the fact someone’s penis was called a “mini them”, or you know, “steel rod of power”. Bahahahahahaha.
Weak, female, crycrycry characters who in canon are in no way that pathetic and out of control and needy.
A romfic wherein the male lead does something TOTALLY STUPID and the female lead decides he really is totally stupid and walks away only to forgive him far too soon for his stupidity so that there is no anticlimax whatsoever.
A complication of emotions fic which the author decides is not enough and thus a random plot device is stuck in the middle, distracting from a story that really could have just been about the emotional connection of the characters involved.
The words: “HP/JP Slash” just wrong. Wrong, wrong wrong wrong. While I like a bit of incest, I can only really stand Twincest and Wincest. NO father/son (that means you Malfoy!) or parent/children relationships at all. Gross. James is dead. Deal with it.
Romfic in which the male lead has accused the female lead of a great and awful wrong, and instead of saying a giant “fuck you, get your facts right motherfucker!”, the female lead, for some unknown reason allows him to verbally annihilate her because of 1) some family members she’s protecting who actually have no respect for her anyway, 2)somebody else’s secret, 3)her stung pride at his assumption, why not just put him right and walk away, 4)because she just wants to be close to him and it doesn’t matter, he’ll find out she’s a virgin and not a whoreslut as soon as he sleeps with her anyway! BUM I say to all those reasons, the author is trying to make the female sound kind and selfless, but only succeeds as painting her as a walkover.
AU fic in which James and Lily mysteriously survived Voldemort. I have never read a good one. I’d very much like to read one in which Lily, after much temptation, leaves James for Severus. A meaner less pathetic canon Severus.
Any slash with the following pairs: Aragorn/Legolas, Legolas/Haldir, incests and twincests within the LotRs realm……except maybe Elrohir/Elladan, Severus/Sirius, Sirius/Remus (bleh!), Sirius/anyone male, Jareth/Toby (NO!), Edward/Jacob, Lucius/Severus, Angel/Spike, Logan/Alec, Harry/Ron, Hook/Peter, Cyclops/Wolverine,
Het of the following nature: Harry/Hermione, Ron/Hermione (noone ever writes Ron correctly for that to work), Harry/Ginny, Aragorn/Arwen (yawn!), Aragorn/Eowyn, Gabrielle/Joxer, Peter/Wendy, Clark/Lana, Clark/Chloe, Edward/Alice, Jasper/Alice, Jean/Wolverine, I’m sure there are some I’ve forgotten.
Were-romfic in which the were-male is just not alpha enough, and not enough friction between leads. I like an edgy, uneasy female and a self-assured, yet helplessly protective male. IS THAT SO HARD, WRITERS! Says Nalini Singh, Christine Feehan, Alyssa Day and Lora Leigh: NO, IT IS NOT.
Female characters that have some kind of were-form, magic power, or supernatural associations getting together with simple human males. Yuck. I don’t care if their males are super-cops, bodyguards, detectives, assasins, cowboys or Indians. You can’t make a human super unless he has power of some kind.
Any romfic that involves children. Oh my twin died, I’m taking care of her child as if it were my own and just because this child is yours Mr rich Italian/Spaniard/Greek/Arab doesn’t mean that I’m going to allow you to take them without me back to your country. OR Yes, I did leave you 5 years ago to have your child which I knew you didn’t want, and now you can’t just waltz back in here expecting to have a piece of his life without falling madly in love with me again. OR just because I’m pregnant, is not a reason to get married, but you’ve convinced me with your story of my history/your childhood/the legitimacy of my baby coming into question. NO CHILDREN IN MY STORIES.
During school HPSS, SSHG, HPRL, HGRL fic, I’m slightly uncomfortable with it because in general the writers characterise the younger generation as being extremely childish in such a way that is no way attractive to me, so how could it be in any way attractive to someone almost twice my age….? It is not endearing, it is sick.
Detention fic in which Hermione seduces Snape, Harry gives him a blow-job on command, or snape gives someone a spanking. Just no. Not in my detention-fic thanks.
Bad creature-fic. Creature-fic should be written like were-romfic. And that is that.
Dark!harry. He makes me laugh, stop it.
Angst (deathfic). No. Angst can only be part of something bigger, there is no point in angstfic by itself, it’s just depressing and noone wants to read it when everyone dies, or someone already is dead and everyone’s depressed, or someone commits suicide or contemplates it (generally written by someone who’s a bit sad, but has never actually thought about offing themselves), a self-harm fic written by someone who has never self-harmed or known anyone who self-harms- they just come across as ludicrous., or a fic about someone who has been cheating on their partner, found their partner cheating on them or will never be loved back by their subject. Not only sad, but boringly predictable too.
Really long unfinished fic that has not been announced as such.
Oneshots, drabbles and ficlets in general. Although there are some really fucking awesome one shots and ficlets out there, most are written badly, drabbles are POINTLESS and usually angsty.
Too many lemons and limes in my fic. A little goes a long way.
Genfic Away with you. Noone reads you unless you’re part of an already discovered author’s repertoire.
TBC....
)0(