(no subject)
Well it's been a week since she got back. She has said 2 sentences to me in that time. She has not tried to make it better, has not even explained herself or brought up the subject, just seems to be taking the coward's way out and is avoiding the flat entirely.
She has just returned from leaving yesterday afternoon. I presume she had work last night and then stayed at Rab's.
It's so tiring having to live with this. It would have been so easy to correct it all and still have a friendship if she had wanted- but with this I won't be the one to make the first move- knowing when it's your responsibility to make things right is important. I have apologised to her in the past, even when something wasn't my fault to begin with, but I guess I thought it was worth it. And that stuff was petty stuff, it was stress or something impersonal. Not deliberately keeping something from someone for months. This is one thing I'm not going to make the first move on- after many previous fiascos involving people, I refuse to chase after people. I'm fine with meeting them half way, but why should I chase after them? I hate those kind of games.
I was talking to my dad earlier and he was talking about how Mike only had about 4 friends after uni finished and doesn't speak to them anymore. I reckon that's the way I'm going to go too. Dan had loads of friends, dunno if he speaks to them now, but he's just the type of person that gets around (friend whore) and people like because he fits into groups, doesn't mind morphing his character and there's nothing PARTICULAR about him, nothing that people could say "that's weird" about.
Mike never cared about changing himself to fit in because he has a very apathetic attitude towards people in general, they don't affect him and he just goes about his business. Having people around isn't important to him. And his vibes are all moody and stand-offish, his humour is for the most part cold and sarcastic and that results in some people not knowing how to take him.
And I don't really have that many friends to begin with- even less once I take out the ones that aren't uni related. So after uni I don't think I'll have that many. I don't know if I really mind. I'd kind of like to keep the ones I have though, not too fussed about kb at the moment, but I think that is a direct result of living with her for 3 years of chaos, untidiness and too many compromises and the recent drama. Because I do like her, I suppose, just not to live with.
I like that we travelled the roads of freakish fanfic together, that there's nothing that can gross her out as a result. And that I don't have to really hide the main parts of myself, although she does seem to fear me on some level. But I suppose that's actually only sense. As I know I can be quite scary when I'm properly angry (dad genes) and for some reason she infuriates me quite a bit sometimes.
I can't revise. I really just can't do it. It's ridiculous. And I'm going to fail.
My main form of procrastination recently has been ringing Chingo and just talking to her (singing to her) for hours, and then at the same time, talking to her on messenger, or facebook or bebo.
And I'm really really getting obsessed with Velvet Revolver. Strangely.
I've been getting very NIrish recently, I can tell because there seems to be a rise in the mockery of my accent. I don't know why that is....
)0(
She has just returned from leaving yesterday afternoon. I presume she had work last night and then stayed at Rab's.
It's so tiring having to live with this. It would have been so easy to correct it all and still have a friendship if she had wanted- but with this I won't be the one to make the first move- knowing when it's your responsibility to make things right is important. I have apologised to her in the past, even when something wasn't my fault to begin with, but I guess I thought it was worth it. And that stuff was petty stuff, it was stress or something impersonal. Not deliberately keeping something from someone for months. This is one thing I'm not going to make the first move on- after many previous fiascos involving people, I refuse to chase after people. I'm fine with meeting them half way, but why should I chase after them? I hate those kind of games.
I was talking to my dad earlier and he was talking about how Mike only had about 4 friends after uni finished and doesn't speak to them anymore. I reckon that's the way I'm going to go too. Dan had loads of friends, dunno if he speaks to them now, but he's just the type of person that gets around (friend whore) and people like because he fits into groups, doesn't mind morphing his character and there's nothing PARTICULAR about him, nothing that people could say "that's weird" about.
Mike never cared about changing himself to fit in because he has a very apathetic attitude towards people in general, they don't affect him and he just goes about his business. Having people around isn't important to him. And his vibes are all moody and stand-offish, his humour is for the most part cold and sarcastic and that results in some people not knowing how to take him.
And I don't really have that many friends to begin with- even less once I take out the ones that aren't uni related. So after uni I don't think I'll have that many. I don't know if I really mind. I'd kind of like to keep the ones I have though, not too fussed about kb at the moment, but I think that is a direct result of living with her for 3 years of chaos, untidiness and too many compromises and the recent drama. Because I do like her, I suppose, just not to live with.
I like that we travelled the roads of freakish fanfic together, that there's nothing that can gross her out as a result. And that I don't have to really hide the main parts of myself, although she does seem to fear me on some level. But I suppose that's actually only sense. As I know I can be quite scary when I'm properly angry (dad genes) and for some reason she infuriates me quite a bit sometimes.
I can't revise. I really just can't do it. It's ridiculous. And I'm going to fail.
My main form of procrastination recently has been ringing Chingo and just talking to her (singing to her) for hours, and then at the same time, talking to her on messenger, or facebook or bebo.
And I'm really really getting obsessed with Velvet Revolver. Strangely.
I've been getting very NIrish recently, I can tell because there seems to be a rise in the mockery of my accent. I don't know why that is....
)0(