It's been 5 months...Guess I'm due.
Hello all (i.e. nobody - except one or two maybe), I'm alive and well.
Some stuff has gone down here and there, but for the most part, I'm unscathed. On the top of the list of news is probably college: I'm going to be pseudo graduating with an AA and finally head off to the real deal. Come Fall, I'll also, hopefully, be in a dorm so as to get away from the family - specifically my mom. I need the independance and the experience of separating myself from this part of my life, if only for a short time.
In other news, I'm really considering bodybuilding as a means to something other than personal satisfaction. I've become so enamored by it: the training, the scrutiny of the human form that requires you to look at yourself as a piece of granite that needs to be sculpted, the discipline and emotional, cathartic benefits involved with it - everything about it I'm starting to love with every fiber. One problem I may have, however, is that despite having a good foundation physique along with the fundamentals of the sport (consistent discipline and knowledge for dieting and exercising), I have some loose skin along my lower belly that becomes visible if I bend over too much (but standing erect it's unnoticable) - so if I have this working against me permanently, I guess a pursuit into the professional world of BB might be out of the equation for me, even as a passtime or hobby since I don't think pros or amateurs who win competitions have even a slight amount of loose skin. It's unfortunate that I wasn't enlightened about my health and body back when it mattered most, but there's nothing I can do short of cosmetic surgery which is way out of my struggling college student budget. Not to mention I would never forgive myself for spending thousands of dollars on something so minor unless my situation suddenly starts calling thousands of dollars petty cash (yeah right).
In other-other news, I've finally switched jobs. CVS can kiss my ass - and I all but said so before they fired me (That story for another time maybe). Good riddance; because instead of working at a pharmacy where sick people and weirdos come in to annoy and piss me off, I get to work at a sporting goods store where the hours are ideal, the employee discount is not only 10% higher but for stuff I really, really like/need, closer to home (if only a little bit), and with the possiblity of commission if I can sell Replacement Plans for the bulk of the stuff in the store - which I'm getting better at. The only thing is they're short on hours, so I'm working all of one day a week right now, but they say it'll pick back up in another week or two. I'm new, so it's not surprising that I would get the short end of that deal.
My brother's got a girlfriend. She's nice. I'm pretty jelous, especially when I see him so happy and content. Having the kind of relationship he has, I believe, is exactly what the people in my family need. I'm realizing this especially now because both my brother AND sister have improved immensely in their respective fields of emotional difficulties (off the top of my head, brian's less reclusive, more affectionate and confident as well as letting me work with him to get his lazy ass into shape (occassionally); and my sister is less manic, more calm, patient and functional in certain situations and happier a lot more often than before she started her relationship with George). It's great seeing how much better they are, but at the same time, it's really disheartening. I feel pathetic and alone with all the yearning I do nowadays, but I have to deal with the hand I've been given and just wait for the time to come where I can meet someone like they have...
It's pretty obvious at this point that the life we three (my sister, brother, and I) have lived is one fraught with dysfunction, social insecurities, and trust issues that really benefit from a monogomous relationship. At this point, there's no real chance for me because the only people I meet are at school, and I doubt a statistics class counts as a social venue. By Fall, though, I'll (possibly) be in a dorm and with others who share my goals and life status (college student on a budget, away from home for the first time, etc), so here's hoping...It's hard to be optimistic sometimes.
On a final, more upbeat note, I'd just like to mention I'm thinking of starting a pseudo body blog here. I have some old pics I found from over a year ago before I started doing anything and I have a digital camera which I can ask Brian to take pics of me now with. Progress will be slow (Gaining size isn't as fast a process as cutting/slimming down is), so it may not be very many if I choose to continue this after the initial set unless I do some of different body parts/poses, but at least the first few will give fodder for conversation and a visual of the differences between then and now. Thought I'd say so to give everyone the heads up and me the initiative to do so now that a promise is in effect. Yeah, I'm weird like that.
Until next time.
Some stuff has gone down here and there, but for the most part, I'm unscathed. On the top of the list of news is probably college: I'm going to be pseudo graduating with an AA and finally head off to the real deal. Come Fall, I'll also, hopefully, be in a dorm so as to get away from the family - specifically my mom. I need the independance and the experience of separating myself from this part of my life, if only for a short time.
In other news, I'm really considering bodybuilding as a means to something other than personal satisfaction. I've become so enamored by it: the training, the scrutiny of the human form that requires you to look at yourself as a piece of granite that needs to be sculpted, the discipline and emotional, cathartic benefits involved with it - everything about it I'm starting to love with every fiber. One problem I may have, however, is that despite having a good foundation physique along with the fundamentals of the sport (consistent discipline and knowledge for dieting and exercising), I have some loose skin along my lower belly that becomes visible if I bend over too much (but standing erect it's unnoticable) - so if I have this working against me permanently, I guess a pursuit into the professional world of BB might be out of the equation for me, even as a passtime or hobby since I don't think pros or amateurs who win competitions have even a slight amount of loose skin. It's unfortunate that I wasn't enlightened about my health and body back when it mattered most, but there's nothing I can do short of cosmetic surgery which is way out of my struggling college student budget. Not to mention I would never forgive myself for spending thousands of dollars on something so minor unless my situation suddenly starts calling thousands of dollars petty cash (yeah right).
In other-other news, I've finally switched jobs. CVS can kiss my ass - and I all but said so before they fired me (That story for another time maybe). Good riddance; because instead of working at a pharmacy where sick people and weirdos come in to annoy and piss me off, I get to work at a sporting goods store where the hours are ideal, the employee discount is not only 10% higher but for stuff I really, really like/need, closer to home (if only a little bit), and with the possiblity of commission if I can sell Replacement Plans for the bulk of the stuff in the store - which I'm getting better at. The only thing is they're short on hours, so I'm working all of one day a week right now, but they say it'll pick back up in another week or two. I'm new, so it's not surprising that I would get the short end of that deal.
My brother's got a girlfriend. She's nice. I'm pretty jelous, especially when I see him so happy and content. Having the kind of relationship he has, I believe, is exactly what the people in my family need. I'm realizing this especially now because both my brother AND sister have improved immensely in their respective fields of emotional difficulties (off the top of my head, brian's less reclusive, more affectionate and confident as well as letting me work with him to get his lazy ass into shape (occassionally); and my sister is less manic, more calm, patient and functional in certain situations and happier a lot more often than before she started her relationship with George). It's great seeing how much better they are, but at the same time, it's really disheartening. I feel pathetic and alone with all the yearning I do nowadays, but I have to deal with the hand I've been given and just wait for the time to come where I can meet someone like they have...
It's pretty obvious at this point that the life we three (my sister, brother, and I) have lived is one fraught with dysfunction, social insecurities, and trust issues that really benefit from a monogomous relationship. At this point, there's no real chance for me because the only people I meet are at school, and I doubt a statistics class counts as a social venue. By Fall, though, I'll (possibly) be in a dorm and with others who share my goals and life status (college student on a budget, away from home for the first time, etc), so here's hoping...It's hard to be optimistic sometimes.
On a final, more upbeat note, I'd just like to mention I'm thinking of starting a pseudo body blog here. I have some old pics I found from over a year ago before I started doing anything and I have a digital camera which I can ask Brian to take pics of me now with. Progress will be slow (Gaining size isn't as fast a process as cutting/slimming down is), so it may not be very many if I choose to continue this after the initial set unless I do some of different body parts/poses, but at least the first few will give fodder for conversation and a visual of the differences between then and now. Thought I'd say so to give everyone the heads up and me the initiative to do so now that a promise is in effect. Yeah, I'm weird like that.
Until next time.