Still With Myself
I like going out at night amongst lots of people. There's something about being in a bar with a bunch of friends, yelling across the table about your plans for the weekend, or how work is going, or about something funny that happened earlier in the day, that is just so festive.
As much as I enjoy nights out on the town, somehow I always felt that was nothing better than being out in a loud, busy environment, surrounded by people, some who you know, others you don't, and then leaving with someone who is special to you so you can go somewhere quiet and be together. Not necessarily in the naughty way either. And not necessarily even in the romantic way. Just to be together in the relative quiet with either a lover or a good friend. It's like all the activity and noise make me more aware of the quiet and of that other person than if stillness was all I'd experienced all evening. It heightens the experience of focusing on just one other. It makes them seem more real somehow, away from all the hustle and bustle.
I left the Rogue Brew Pub tonight at 10:30. I'd met up with some people at 6, and as I have a fair amount planned for tomorrow, I didn't feel like making it a late night. I walked home in the cold, under the utterly clear, inky sky by myself.
Now I'm back in my room. It's a mess from all the "organizing" I've done today. But it's still and peaceful, and I'm glad to be here. Tonight I feel very aware of myself and my space. I felt a little melancholy on the way home. I suppose that's easy after a relatively fun night. But one fun night does not make up for the sum of my 6 months here, and I still know that my decision is the right one.
I imagine a little sadness is to be expected. After all, I still do love this city in a lot of ways, but I must say that lately it hasn't felt like "my" city. And when I walk around this city and feel that it's not my city anymore, I'm ok with it. And when I feel that I'm ok with it, it makes me laugh inside because I never expected to feel that way. And when I laugh inside, it makes me smile and look forward to going back east, even as I'm walking down the sidewalk that's not "my" sidewalk anymore.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that perhaps there's nothing better than experiencing 6 months in a city filled with hustle and bustle, twisting and shouting, noise and action, exploring and learning, luck and loss, starting and stopping, and stumbling and stretching, finally to step out of it into the clear, cold, quiet night on my own. I am with myself and I feel more aware of who I am than ever before. I am with myself, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
As much as I enjoy nights out on the town, somehow I always felt that was nothing better than being out in a loud, busy environment, surrounded by people, some who you know, others you don't, and then leaving with someone who is special to you so you can go somewhere quiet and be together. Not necessarily in the naughty way either. And not necessarily even in the romantic way. Just to be together in the relative quiet with either a lover or a good friend. It's like all the activity and noise make me more aware of the quiet and of that other person than if stillness was all I'd experienced all evening. It heightens the experience of focusing on just one other. It makes them seem more real somehow, away from all the hustle and bustle.
I left the Rogue Brew Pub tonight at 10:30. I'd met up with some people at 6, and as I have a fair amount planned for tomorrow, I didn't feel like making it a late night. I walked home in the cold, under the utterly clear, inky sky by myself.
Now I'm back in my room. It's a mess from all the "organizing" I've done today. But it's still and peaceful, and I'm glad to be here. Tonight I feel very aware of myself and my space. I felt a little melancholy on the way home. I suppose that's easy after a relatively fun night. But one fun night does not make up for the sum of my 6 months here, and I still know that my decision is the right one.
I imagine a little sadness is to be expected. After all, I still do love this city in a lot of ways, but I must say that lately it hasn't felt like "my" city. And when I walk around this city and feel that it's not my city anymore, I'm ok with it. And when I feel that I'm ok with it, it makes me laugh inside because I never expected to feel that way. And when I laugh inside, it makes me smile and look forward to going back east, even as I'm walking down the sidewalk that's not "my" sidewalk anymore.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that perhaps there's nothing better than experiencing 6 months in a city filled with hustle and bustle, twisting and shouting, noise and action, exploring and learning, luck and loss, starting and stopping, and stumbling and stretching, finally to step out of it into the clear, cold, quiet night on my own. I am with myself and I feel more aware of who I am than ever before. I am with myself, and I wouldn't have it any other way.