Glad to be Here
My mom has said to me many times that you don't have to DO anything; that life will come to you.
Seems that might be true.
I got to hang out with some really cool people the other night. It's convoluted but basically it was a bunch of folks I met through Gabrielle who I met while I was in Mexico last year.
One girl, Alison, has just moved here recently from Colorado. She's a teacher out in St. Helens. She apparently did competitive snow boarding, and all around just seems like a really cool girl. She apparently thought I was pretty cool too. Seems she found a 2 br apartment in the NW area of Portland (right where I want to be!) and thought I'd make a good roommate. I don't know all the details, but if it's indeed in the "right" area and not too far out (so I wouldn't need a car) this could be good. There are a lot of variables, but maybe this will actually work out.
If it doesn't, I think it'll be ok anyway. I've already set up more appointments to see places tonight and tomorrow. Plus I'm going to meet up with some folks to see a movie on Wednesday and go out to another gallery opening night on Thursday and see a band after that.
I remember when last week I was all sad and crying on the phone with my mom while sitting in the car. After I hung up, I felt oh so sorry for myself. Even through the mist of self pity, I somehow hand an inkling that I would one day look back on that sorry self and laugh. I wondered if there would come a time when I could look back and reminisce about how dramatic and silly I was being.
I don't know if I was being silly though. I was truly upset, and that's just where I was at the time. Thank God nothing stays the same though. There was a new moon the other night, and even immediately after my good cry, I felt a bit of a shift; like somehow the stars were nudging slightly into a happier place and taking me with them. And my life here has definitely been going better lately.
I'm trying to live my life these days by trusting and going with the flow, taking action when I can or when it's needed, but also letting the universe work its magic, so to speak. When I'm in the thick of a tricky situation, it's really tough to trust that things will work out. Sometimes it seems easier to just give up and lie in a dusty ditch of helplessness, but then I realize I really don't want to give up, and I really don't want to live in a ditch, so I get myself up again, wipe away the tears and try not to think defeating thoughts so I can charge ahead with positive ideas and energy.
One thing I'm becoming more aware of is that it would be ok if I'm not so hard on myself. I think that's why I get so upset at times. If something doesn't want to work, on some level I blame myself, even if I've done as much as I could. Sometimes things just don't work the way that I expect, but I have to learn that it doesn't mean that things won't work out for the better anyway.
Uncertain though things might be at the moment, I'm overwhelmed at the moment with inner laughter and and increasing feeling that I'm just so glad to be here.
Seems that might be true.
I got to hang out with some really cool people the other night. It's convoluted but basically it was a bunch of folks I met through Gabrielle who I met while I was in Mexico last year.
One girl, Alison, has just moved here recently from Colorado. She's a teacher out in St. Helens. She apparently did competitive snow boarding, and all around just seems like a really cool girl. She apparently thought I was pretty cool too. Seems she found a 2 br apartment in the NW area of Portland (right where I want to be!) and thought I'd make a good roommate. I don't know all the details, but if it's indeed in the "right" area and not too far out (so I wouldn't need a car) this could be good. There are a lot of variables, but maybe this will actually work out.
If it doesn't, I think it'll be ok anyway. I've already set up more appointments to see places tonight and tomorrow. Plus I'm going to meet up with some folks to see a movie on Wednesday and go out to another gallery opening night on Thursday and see a band after that.
I remember when last week I was all sad and crying on the phone with my mom while sitting in the car. After I hung up, I felt oh so sorry for myself. Even through the mist of self pity, I somehow hand an inkling that I would one day look back on that sorry self and laugh. I wondered if there would come a time when I could look back and reminisce about how dramatic and silly I was being.
I don't know if I was being silly though. I was truly upset, and that's just where I was at the time. Thank God nothing stays the same though. There was a new moon the other night, and even immediately after my good cry, I felt a bit of a shift; like somehow the stars were nudging slightly into a happier place and taking me with them. And my life here has definitely been going better lately.
I'm trying to live my life these days by trusting and going with the flow, taking action when I can or when it's needed, but also letting the universe work its magic, so to speak. When I'm in the thick of a tricky situation, it's really tough to trust that things will work out. Sometimes it seems easier to just give up and lie in a dusty ditch of helplessness, but then I realize I really don't want to give up, and I really don't want to live in a ditch, so I get myself up again, wipe away the tears and try not to think defeating thoughts so I can charge ahead with positive ideas and energy.
One thing I'm becoming more aware of is that it would be ok if I'm not so hard on myself. I think that's why I get so upset at times. If something doesn't want to work, on some level I blame myself, even if I've done as much as I could. Sometimes things just don't work the way that I expect, but I have to learn that it doesn't mean that things won't work out for the better anyway.
Uncertain though things might be at the moment, I'm overwhelmed at the moment with inner laughter and and increasing feeling that I'm just so glad to be here.