(no subject)
i go places with you. i've been in your car and i've seen the way they touch you. i've heard the way your bells sound and.. i haven't been there in so long. i don't know what color shoes you wear or how many cigarettes you smoke in a day, but my car has a thick steering wheel and my legs are short. and i drive in circles thinking about things i've never seen.
sometimes i drink too much and unbutton my pants. and the hands aren't there. and im too big to play hide and seek, or tag, or blind man's bluff. they prick my veins and take blood from inside me and i clench my fists for them. and there is not love.
i miss people i dont even know. first name letters.
and sometimes im sad enough about my pillows to believe in lies.
but i promise im getting better. she said the word healed and she also smiled when she said it.
so it must be true.
m, i wish you would have never read my words.
sometimes i drink too much and unbutton my pants. and the hands aren't there. and im too big to play hide and seek, or tag, or blind man's bluff. they prick my veins and take blood from inside me and i clench my fists for them. and there is not love.
i miss people i dont even know. first name letters.
and sometimes im sad enough about my pillows to believe in lies.
but i promise im getting better. she said the word healed and she also smiled when she said it.
so it must be true.
m, i wish you would have never read my words.