(no subject)
last night i had the single most "scary" and longest dream in my life. it wasnt like a nightmare...not powerful enough to wake me up but enough to feel INCREDIBLY real and make me wake up with me and my bed drenched in sweat. so this dream lasted the whole night long. ive never had that happen AND be able to remember every little bit of it. every word. every punch. every tear.
it started out at a family reunion thingy...i looked just like i do now...and all my uncles and brothers did too. although my grandma was still alive (but they were putting her in a nursing home which is her decline in health). so we were all around talking and whatnot...relatively normal...until people started saying things about me and the way i look and my disrespect and whatnot...i dont really remember all this part but stuff was being said to anger me so much to the point of tears. i ended up beating the shit out of my uncles (2 of them). it was that kind of dream hitting where your using all your strength but still nothing seems to be happening. (almost how i feel with them in real life, i try so hard to be seen for myself but nothin happens, they are like lifeless creatures.)
so then after a long time of fighting my way to be heard, i come across my dad who is telling me im worthless, and all this other shit, and that im being stupid and over reactive (just like my dad always pushing problems under the carpet). he really really gets to me with all this. once again i start crying (good to knwo i can still do it in dreams) and i get real emotional and start screaming at him about our past. this is the part i vividly remember (right before i woke up the first time)i started screaming at him how my whole life he has never been there for me, how he did nothing but put me down, make me feel stupid. he raised his hand to me at this ime and i screamed "NOOO!!!" "you wont do this to me anymore! ever since i was 11 yrs old (which is perfectly accurate for a dream) i have hated you! you may not remember, but i do and i will never forget! all those times you told me you didnt know why ive been the way i am towards you all these years, and i tell you to figure it out. wel guess what! im ready to tell you! i will NEVER forget that day....i have hated and resented you since then!" "FUCK YOU!" so then in this whole huge fit while im sooooooo angry and hurt at the same time and flooding tears, it got too emotional and i woke up for the first time drenched...i quickly went back to bed......and more ont he 2nd hlf the dream when i get back..i must head out real quick now tho.
it started out at a family reunion thingy...i looked just like i do now...and all my uncles and brothers did too. although my grandma was still alive (but they were putting her in a nursing home which is her decline in health). so we were all around talking and whatnot...relatively normal...until people started saying things about me and the way i look and my disrespect and whatnot...i dont really remember all this part but stuff was being said to anger me so much to the point of tears. i ended up beating the shit out of my uncles (2 of them). it was that kind of dream hitting where your using all your strength but still nothing seems to be happening. (almost how i feel with them in real life, i try so hard to be seen for myself but nothin happens, they are like lifeless creatures.)
so then after a long time of fighting my way to be heard, i come across my dad who is telling me im worthless, and all this other shit, and that im being stupid and over reactive (just like my dad always pushing problems under the carpet). he really really gets to me with all this. once again i start crying (good to knwo i can still do it in dreams) and i get real emotional and start screaming at him about our past. this is the part i vividly remember (right before i woke up the first time)i started screaming at him how my whole life he has never been there for me, how he did nothing but put me down, make me feel stupid. he raised his hand to me at this ime and i screamed "NOOO!!!" "you wont do this to me anymore! ever since i was 11 yrs old (which is perfectly accurate for a dream) i have hated you! you may not remember, but i do and i will never forget! all those times you told me you didnt know why ive been the way i am towards you all these years, and i tell you to figure it out. wel guess what! im ready to tell you! i will NEVER forget that day....i have hated and resented you since then!" "FUCK YOU!" so then in this whole huge fit while im sooooooo angry and hurt at the same time and flooding tears, it got too emotional and i woke up for the first time drenched...i quickly went back to bed......and more ont he 2nd hlf the dream when i get back..i must head out real quick now tho.