(Untitled)

[anidyke]

i feel like i need something to change in my life. which is odd cause i have already changed SOO much about it in the past couple of months. pretty much since i started T and ended things with andrea i think i have grown so so much. i got a car and started going food shopping and cooking healthy fresh food. i started T. i sorta work out, i was for

Comments

[blue2u]

So, I don't think you need to change something in you're life. I think the important think to remember is that, YOU are changing...and growing. The things that once made you feel great and happy just do not suffice now. For example, the whole lifestyle of going out, partying, getting crazy...From what you've told me, and what I've seen-It's almost as if,it is a search for you- you continue you're desire of going out to find that happiness again, or to fill that spot in you're heart that used to exist, to fill that void. And you are no longer the person you used to be, you are growing up. (Not to mention you are completely changing you're idenity and gender.) Trust me, I've been having the same dilema for the past 2 years. You look at you're life, and you think you are fullfilling everything you want, everything you need, everything seems right on track, and you ask your self, what is it? what is it that I need right now, something HAS to be missing. But the truth is, nothing at all is missing. And I still get these moments of wanting to get all dressed up, go to a club, go to sisters, the idea of it all seems so appealing-but you get there, and you look around the room, all the people having a good time, and you think to you're self, damn, I am just not on the same page as these people, it's not what it USED to be. But the reality of it all, is that you're just not what you used to be. I think once I realized that, things started to fall into place. Although I still have trouble accepting it. I mean, this whole past year, I've had to totally re-arrange my lifestyle, to discover myself without consumption, without any of that. To just be. To do my obligations, come home and clean, and cook-do the extra things that I love to do. You need to focus on doing, the things that you love. And I absolutely think this Trans party is exactly what you need because I know you are so passionate about putting it together and making it happen. Just don't forget about you're passions. Don't forget that you aren't the only one going through this. This is you're time now ty, you gotta keep going. focus on the things that you have, not about the things you think you should have.
but that's just my 2 cents, maybe 3 or 4 cents....sorry about my novel here, I just understand what you're going through right now.
anyways freaky freaky, love ya !
-shellie

[anidyke]

shellie you never cease to amaze me. some how, you know exactly what to say. i think you know me alot better than i thought and i never really thought of it like that till now. i think your totally right about me searching for something. and i know your right that its me changing, and thats not necessarily a bad thing. i could use less nights out at clubs anyways. i think you should analyse me more often heh. its rather accurate. and sometimes, all you need is to to hear someone say it to you, for it to really sink in.