my poetry sucks :P
i find myself swimming in the sea of thoughts filling my head
muscles sore
nerves twitching
goosebumps taking over
i look around and every sight is a new sight
im realizing its only a glass bowl....
till it falls and breaks
releasing me to grow legs
i walk away from the broken glass
stepping diligently as to not cut myself on the shards
no longer a glass bowl, but the remains of what once was
i NEVER write poetry...and i still dont think this is really poetry lol, but this is my ATTEMPT to put some of me into words that wouldnt normally be spoken directly out of my mouth. i notice that my writing is very elementary. i write what i think (or what i would be saying if i was thinking out loud) im not good at the abstract or anything like that. this is probably the best i have, sadly.
im feeling very crappy today....(as if you couldnt tell)
maybe its the weather, or maybe its the fact that its stupid valentines day. in my eyes valentines day has always been nothing but a horrible day. i dont think i have EVER really been with anyone on valentines. i mean i have had valentines (katie and jenn and stuff) but never a significant other ya know. its actually quite sad. most of my relationships seem to end by early february just in time. gotta love the timing in my life. it just keeps getting better and better. to add icing on the cake im now getting a guilt trip from chelsea b/c im a big meanie and douche and told her i wasnt interested in anything with her. i was probably too blunt for her own good tho. i need to learn how to soften the blow.
WTF is wrong with me!!! this T is definitely kicking in! i think i jacked off 4 times yesterday and not only that but, i have a crush on 2 straight girls!!...one works in the gym here at my work and she is sorta iffy. she is always coming up to the office to talk to me and she does things that might be construed as flirting..i dont wanna over look it tho. i also have a crush on meg's roomate heidi...who doesnt tho lol. she is SOO cute...and i really dont think she is as straight as she says she is. no "straight" girl goes to the bar and then does what she did. and its not like this is the only time she ever hooked up with me or another girl for that matter...she is just in denial. i was really hoping to get a call from her this weekend but oh well....i just have to be patient. the way i look at it, if she were to give a bio girl a shot at something i probably have decent chances being that im the closest thing to a bio guy in that setting (aside from gay men). hrmmm. im trying to not think about it much tho. i know what i want out of a relationship, now i just need to find the person willing to give it to me. i want a relationship, i want trust, i want intimacy, i want reciprocal love, i want communication, i want to feel important to someone, i want to be a priority (or close to it), i want to be understood, i want to be respected (namely in public when other people are around(dont ignore me infront of your friends type of thing)), i want to be secure, i want comprimise...all things i feel vital to a lasting relationship. maybe im asking for alot but ya know what, i dont care! im sick of this stupid bullshit i go through with trying to find someone. why cant it just be easy. i spent 3 years of my life trying out relationships but none to avail more than 4 months, then i spent at least the past year saying "fuck it" and that i hate relationships and the pain they bring is more than the time put into it. so then i finally found someone i thought could change the way i looked at things and looked at relationships and it has once again proven to me that its useless. i dont trust relationships, and apparently they dont trust me. right back to ground zero where i was left off almost a year and half ago. i just hope you know....you had that potential
im walking away, slightly buised and cut but none-the-less ok :)
muscles sore
nerves twitching
goosebumps taking over
i look around and every sight is a new sight
im realizing its only a glass bowl....
till it falls and breaks
releasing me to grow legs
i walk away from the broken glass
stepping diligently as to not cut myself on the shards
no longer a glass bowl, but the remains of what once was
i NEVER write poetry...and i still dont think this is really poetry lol, but this is my ATTEMPT to put some of me into words that wouldnt normally be spoken directly out of my mouth. i notice that my writing is very elementary. i write what i think (or what i would be saying if i was thinking out loud) im not good at the abstract or anything like that. this is probably the best i have, sadly.
im feeling very crappy today....(as if you couldnt tell)
maybe its the weather, or maybe its the fact that its stupid valentines day. in my eyes valentines day has always been nothing but a horrible day. i dont think i have EVER really been with anyone on valentines. i mean i have had valentines (katie and jenn and stuff) but never a significant other ya know. its actually quite sad. most of my relationships seem to end by early february just in time. gotta love the timing in my life. it just keeps getting better and better. to add icing on the cake im now getting a guilt trip from chelsea b/c im a big meanie and douche and told her i wasnt interested in anything with her. i was probably too blunt for her own good tho. i need to learn how to soften the blow.
WTF is wrong with me!!! this T is definitely kicking in! i think i jacked off 4 times yesterday and not only that but, i have a crush on 2 straight girls!!...one works in the gym here at my work and she is sorta iffy. she is always coming up to the office to talk to me and she does things that might be construed as flirting..i dont wanna over look it tho. i also have a crush on meg's roomate heidi...who doesnt tho lol. she is SOO cute...and i really dont think she is as straight as she says she is. no "straight" girl goes to the bar and then does what she did. and its not like this is the only time she ever hooked up with me or another girl for that matter...she is just in denial. i was really hoping to get a call from her this weekend but oh well....i just have to be patient. the way i look at it, if she were to give a bio girl a shot at something i probably have decent chances being that im the closest thing to a bio guy in that setting (aside from gay men). hrmmm. im trying to not think about it much tho. i know what i want out of a relationship, now i just need to find the person willing to give it to me. i want a relationship, i want trust, i want intimacy, i want reciprocal love, i want communication, i want to feel important to someone, i want to be a priority (or close to it), i want to be understood, i want to be respected (namely in public when other people are around(dont ignore me infront of your friends type of thing)), i want to be secure, i want comprimise...all things i feel vital to a lasting relationship. maybe im asking for alot but ya know what, i dont care! im sick of this stupid bullshit i go through with trying to find someone. why cant it just be easy. i spent 3 years of my life trying out relationships but none to avail more than 4 months, then i spent at least the past year saying "fuck it" and that i hate relationships and the pain they bring is more than the time put into it. so then i finally found someone i thought could change the way i looked at things and looked at relationships and it has once again proven to me that its useless. i dont trust relationships, and apparently they dont trust me. right back to ground zero where i was left off almost a year and half ago. i just hope you know....you had that potential
im walking away, slightly buised and cut but none-the-less ok :)