psycho raving banana peel world series
Do you ever get REALLY pissed off about something that, in the grand scheme of things, is pretty trivial? Holy shit, I just got REALLY freaking mad -- to the point where I felt like I had to throw things, but not to the point where I didn't realize the fact that being pissed off and throwing shit can break said shit or possibly other shit. I threw some flip flops against the back door, but that was stupid and didn't have any therapeutic value at all. I'm totally embarrassed to admit that I watch The Real World Denver (my excuse is that I only started watching it after a friend told me about the psycho raving bitch who was having a meltdown while walking down the street one day trying to find a nail salon and saying that she was in the OMG GHETTO even though first of all there is no ghetto in Denver but even if there was it wasn't where this bitch was walking down the street in her tight ass coochie shorts that made her look like a ridiculous prostitute who came from Littleton or some other place where people don't know how to dress and then gets mad when people comment on her ass but HI your ass is RIGHT OUT THERE saying HELLO to the world so WTF put your ass away if you don't want it to have a conversation) but I swear and I am not proud to say this I wanted to have a meltdown like the psycho raving bitch who like screams and swears and flaps her chicken arms as if that could ever scare anybody. But it's not really fun to get all mad raving crazy if you're not on national TV where everybody can see and make fun of you for years, so WTF. I needed to THROW THINGS.
THEN I HAD THE ANSWER and I was so pleased with myself I wasn't even that mad any more. I took some overripe bananas, put on my jacket (it's freaking COLD out) and some shoes, and went out to the back yard where I threw the overripe bananas, as hard as I could, against the back of the garage. They landed with a thud at first and sort of split open, but it wasn't the cathartic mess I needed, so I picked them up and it's like I was Jose Mesa and the garage was Omar Vizquel and I stood on the mound of snow and frozen ground and hopefully no fresh dog poo and it was like the World Series and I threw those motherfucking bananas against the garage Bobby Jenks speed and it was so awesome because one of them fell to the ground and then -- this is the best part -- the dog started eating it, which was hilarious and you can't be mad when you're outside hoping nobody sees you whipping bananas at your garage and laughing to the point of tears when your dog starts eating one and holy crap he's even eating the PEEL that can't be good and I'm sure he's going to have the poops later. So then I threw another one and it exploded into banana mush that actually stuck to the garage and the peel plopped to the ground and the soggy banana goo on the garage was just as awesome as the dog now coughing up the banana peel and then eating it again. So then I dragged the dog away but he's totally obsessed with eating stuff so he managed to eat the peel and that can't end well but the person who pissed me off can worry about cleaning up whatever results from this.
And I am totally not mad any more. Therapeutic banana throwing is the shit.
THEN I HAD THE ANSWER and I was so pleased with myself I wasn't even that mad any more. I took some overripe bananas, put on my jacket (it's freaking COLD out) and some shoes, and went out to the back yard where I threw the overripe bananas, as hard as I could, against the back of the garage. They landed with a thud at first and sort of split open, but it wasn't the cathartic mess I needed, so I picked them up and it's like I was Jose Mesa and the garage was Omar Vizquel and I stood on the mound of snow and frozen ground and hopefully no fresh dog poo and it was like the World Series and I threw those motherfucking bananas against the garage Bobby Jenks speed and it was so awesome because one of them fell to the ground and then -- this is the best part -- the dog started eating it, which was hilarious and you can't be mad when you're outside hoping nobody sees you whipping bananas at your garage and laughing to the point of tears when your dog starts eating one and holy crap he's even eating the PEEL that can't be good and I'm sure he's going to have the poops later. So then I threw another one and it exploded into banana mush that actually stuck to the garage and the peel plopped to the ground and the soggy banana goo on the garage was just as awesome as the dog now coughing up the banana peel and then eating it again. So then I dragged the dog away but he's totally obsessed with eating stuff so he managed to eat the peel and that can't end well but the person who pissed me off can worry about cleaning up whatever results from this.
And I am totally not mad any more. Therapeutic banana throwing is the shit.