It threw me....
I was kind of praying at the time. Not in a deliberate, somber, reflective fashion, but closer to the way that people spontaneously shriek "JESUS!" as they narrowly miss getting hit by a car. At some level, it's your autonomic nervous system and conciousness jointly crying to the Word in this pure moment where indifference doesn't exist. At some level it's just swearing in surprise. In any case, this was a bit like that.
I was walking home in the dark. I was moping that I was walking instead of being driven. I was seething over another week unaddressed. I was close to concluding that waiting...was over. And then I kind of had a fit. I kept walking, but every!fiber!and nerve!criedout! to God!that I was sickofthis!and canIplease!have something!else! But more than that, I internally shrieked
WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH ME??????
and my phone rang. It wasn't Him, and it wasn't him. Instead.........it was the very interesting.....other him. The tenor. Who intentionally insulted someone to end a theological conversation where I was both behaving badly and was being verbally manhandled. Who meticulously blows his smoke exactly downwind because he suspects it makes me worse if I breathe it in. Who teaches me things. Whom I cannot predict. He called to offer me a ride, as he does every week, as I never dare to expect. And then he asked about my week, and we talked for entire moments. I'll see him tomorrow, when he gets me, when I hear him sing.
it's a coincidence, but I'm a little thrown. Am I sliding? Am I changing? (Am I giving up on you?)
I was walking home in the dark. I was moping that I was walking instead of being driven. I was seething over another week unaddressed. I was close to concluding that waiting...was over. And then I kind of had a fit. I kept walking, but every!fiber!and nerve!criedout! to God!that I was sickofthis!and canIplease!have something!else! But more than that, I internally shrieked
WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH ME??????
and my phone rang. It wasn't Him, and it wasn't him. Instead.........it was the very interesting.....other him. The tenor. Who intentionally insulted someone to end a theological conversation where I was both behaving badly and was being verbally manhandled. Who meticulously blows his smoke exactly downwind because he suspects it makes me worse if I breathe it in. Who teaches me things. Whom I cannot predict. He called to offer me a ride, as he does every week, as I never dare to expect. And then he asked about my week, and we talked for entire moments. I'll see him tomorrow, when he gets me, when I hear him sing.
it's a coincidence, but I'm a little thrown. Am I sliding? Am I changing? (Am I giving up on you?)