A change of heart, a change of train of thought.
I for once feel content with saying I do have faith in something, and that something is the power in myself and the few people in my life that are able to touch me enough that I can say they make a differance in my life, I believe in us.
I'm not a religious person, most know this.
But not many know I am spiritual.
I often hid it because I was afraid and ashamed to say it.
I'm not anymore, without that belief in spiritual movement, I wouldn't be growing as a person.
And just to let you know, I do go to church, Unity of Tucson. But the shocker is, that church doesn't focus on god or jesus.. It focuses on spiritual beings and a spiritual universe.
It took me a while to understand this, there's a differance between mentioning gods name in a serman, and focusing on god.
At this church the name is brought up, but it is not the basis of the sermans. At first, I was hard headed and fought with the people there questioning their beliefs of God and Jesus.. I pissed the minister off, and for a while wore my welcome there. But I started going again, I started un-blinding myself from the hatred of religion and the idealism of god, and saw that they never focused on god... I just percieved it to be that way.
I take the vail of shame off now. If you're my friend, you'll accept this. You'll accept the me I'm going to show from now on.
No I'm not going to become some nut case tree hugging hippie with the belief of me being some messenger or enlightened person.. Not a guru by any means...
I'm just going to share the in depth Kristen only few of you have actually gotten a chance to see.
Among the few are Justin, James, Tiffany, Tamara, my brother and the friends of mine in Y.O.U,
the friends I just spent three days with. And boy did it do me good.
I really needed to get in touch with others that were on the same path of search and acceptance.
This weekend I tackled a very big issue of mine in workshops we did at Fall Rally.
Accepting the negative and positive traits in myself. I learned the most helpful lesson. Everything I despise about someone else, I only despise because subconsciously I carry those traits as well. Everything I despise I have become lately. And I've been struggling with that.
This weekend I took a few people I have MAJOR issues with, pointed out the things that really bug me about them, and found that I myself carried those traits rather dominantly. And I did the hardest thing. I accepted those traits. No more hiding more changing.
I believe the shadows casted upon a wall, because I've grown to accept that as my reality; dim, unable to see the real objects that cast such shadows. Too afraid to accept the reality. Because I was comforted and use to the shadows, I only knew shadows. This weekend I was forced to be taken from the shadows I stared so adimently upon, and pained with the light and realization of what things that casted those shadows I grew to believe and form my reality around. I now have objects, tools, and have cast the shadows aside. I was exposed to real life, and real solutions. I plan to use this.
This calls for seeding out and exposing myself to differant things. I've changed my SN and I plan on getting a new journal sometime soon.
I want to start new, if I do not give you my SN or new journal name. Do not be offended, it does not mean you're lesser of a friend. It means I need space right now; eventually you'll get to see within those things and be placed back into my life.
I'm not a religious person, most know this.
But not many know I am spiritual.
I often hid it because I was afraid and ashamed to say it.
I'm not anymore, without that belief in spiritual movement, I wouldn't be growing as a person.
And just to let you know, I do go to church, Unity of Tucson. But the shocker is, that church doesn't focus on god or jesus.. It focuses on spiritual beings and a spiritual universe.
It took me a while to understand this, there's a differance between mentioning gods name in a serman, and focusing on god.
At this church the name is brought up, but it is not the basis of the sermans. At first, I was hard headed and fought with the people there questioning their beliefs of God and Jesus.. I pissed the minister off, and for a while wore my welcome there. But I started going again, I started un-blinding myself from the hatred of religion and the idealism of god, and saw that they never focused on god... I just percieved it to be that way.
I take the vail of shame off now. If you're my friend, you'll accept this. You'll accept the me I'm going to show from now on.
No I'm not going to become some nut case tree hugging hippie with the belief of me being some messenger or enlightened person.. Not a guru by any means...
I'm just going to share the in depth Kristen only few of you have actually gotten a chance to see.
Among the few are Justin, James, Tiffany, Tamara, my brother and the friends of mine in Y.O.U,
the friends I just spent three days with. And boy did it do me good.
I really needed to get in touch with others that were on the same path of search and acceptance.
This weekend I tackled a very big issue of mine in workshops we did at Fall Rally.
Accepting the negative and positive traits in myself. I learned the most helpful lesson. Everything I despise about someone else, I only despise because subconsciously I carry those traits as well. Everything I despise I have become lately. And I've been struggling with that.
This weekend I took a few people I have MAJOR issues with, pointed out the things that really bug me about them, and found that I myself carried those traits rather dominantly. And I did the hardest thing. I accepted those traits. No more hiding more changing.
I believe the shadows casted upon a wall, because I've grown to accept that as my reality; dim, unable to see the real objects that cast such shadows. Too afraid to accept the reality. Because I was comforted and use to the shadows, I only knew shadows. This weekend I was forced to be taken from the shadows I stared so adimently upon, and pained with the light and realization of what things that casted those shadows I grew to believe and form my reality around. I now have objects, tools, and have cast the shadows aside. I was exposed to real life, and real solutions. I plan to use this.
This calls for seeding out and exposing myself to differant things. I've changed my SN and I plan on getting a new journal sometime soon.
I want to start new, if I do not give you my SN or new journal name. Do not be offended, it does not mean you're lesser of a friend. It means I need space right now; eventually you'll get to see within those things and be placed back into my life.