(no subject)

[anhatch]

here lately i have just be in the worst moods ever! its just that i am so depressed like the worse its ever been and the weird thing is, is that nate is doing great! he is happy and doing just fine. its like we swapped places. i just dont want to get out of bed i dont even really want to do anything with nate and coen. its bad i know, i should want to hang out with my kid but..... i'm just so stressed. i'm worried about school and how nate is going to do with coen and now nate is hanging out with an old friend that just came out of the blue and i'm just not ready to have him hanging out and talking to girls just yet. it really scares me! its just a ton of shit that is adding up and the weird thing is, is that nothing is really going on to make me feel this way. its just like all caught up to me and now i can't deal with it when things are going good. nate actually wants to talk and help me out and i feel like an ass cause i dont want his help right now and i dont really want to talk. i think once our insurance kicks in i am going to talk to a doctor cause i can't go to school feeling the way i do right now. i'm a mess! i cried just about the whole way home last night from jimmys and i cried the other day just cause nate was on the phone with this girl. it wasn't like he was even hiding it, its just the fact that i felt left out i think. i am always trying to get him to hang out with me and coen and he doesn't want to but when someone calls him he would rather talk to them. thats just how i feel whether its true or not i dont know.....

anyways.. on a good note coen can now say "hi" i swear that is what it sounds like! he can say HI daddy! well that is what we think he is saying so... yea he is saying hi daddy! :) he is getting so big. they really do grow up fast.