Red Rubber Balls
...someone posted something not too long ago that mirrored some of the thoughts I have and worry about.
I'm generally like a red rubber ball. You throw me down, and no matter how hard I will bounce back up. Usually pretty fast...seemingly the harder you throw me, the faster and harder I will bounce back.
I worry though...what if one day, I stop bouncing back? What if the air lets out, maybe slowly, so I don't notice it, and then all of the sudden I'm down and all my rubbery goodness is gone. I guess that sounds weird, but I've always had a good knack for bouncing back from situations, and while I may still be melancholy or sad from time to time about my losses, I move on with my life and don't let it hold me down.
I have a friend who's been pining over the same guy for over 2 years. She won't let him go. He doesn't want her. He's with another woman. One he left her for. She just sits and waits. Letting life pass her by. I can't be that person. I want to LIVE. The rubber has all gone to goo from her ball I guess.
What makes me so different than her? I had the traditionally fucked up childhood (not as bad as soon, but not as well off as others) with my verbally abusive father. I bounced back. I have a knack for picking men who are ALL wrong for me, have major major major problems (drug abuse, trauma, overall loserness) and I bounce back. I lose my beloved job, I bounce back. I make bad decisions, I bounce back from those too.
Is it because I am tenacious? Then again, what MAKES me tenacious? Is it because my dad affected me the OPPOSITE way that abuse usuaully affets and instead became stronger? Is it because I've had shit slung at me from all directions in different times throughout my life and I learned how to cope and manage?
I really don't know why I am the way I am. I am glad that I am though. I hope I never lose that rubber.
Also leads me to the question of confidence...why do I have so much of it? Sure, I have my moments of self-doubt, and I make HORRIBLE choices in men...but not because that's what I think I deserve, but more because I think, subconsciously, that I think I can make their lives better. But overall, I am confident. When it comes time to move on, I move on. I talk to strangers. I go out and eat by myself. I go out to a bar by myself. I will go on vacation, by myself. I walk into a place and people notice because I hold my head up and don't back down.
Where do I get it from? Is this my rebellion against my father because he always told me I was crap? Is that me saying HA! You are such a lair. I AM FANFUCKINGTASTIC!!!
I'm generally like a red rubber ball. You throw me down, and no matter how hard I will bounce back up. Usually pretty fast...seemingly the harder you throw me, the faster and harder I will bounce back.
I worry though...what if one day, I stop bouncing back? What if the air lets out, maybe slowly, so I don't notice it, and then all of the sudden I'm down and all my rubbery goodness is gone. I guess that sounds weird, but I've always had a good knack for bouncing back from situations, and while I may still be melancholy or sad from time to time about my losses, I move on with my life and don't let it hold me down.
I have a friend who's been pining over the same guy for over 2 years. She won't let him go. He doesn't want her. He's with another woman. One he left her for. She just sits and waits. Letting life pass her by. I can't be that person. I want to LIVE. The rubber has all gone to goo from her ball I guess.
What makes me so different than her? I had the traditionally fucked up childhood (not as bad as soon, but not as well off as others) with my verbally abusive father. I bounced back. I have a knack for picking men who are ALL wrong for me, have major major major problems (drug abuse, trauma, overall loserness) and I bounce back. I lose my beloved job, I bounce back. I make bad decisions, I bounce back from those too.
Is it because I am tenacious? Then again, what MAKES me tenacious? Is it because my dad affected me the OPPOSITE way that abuse usuaully affets and instead became stronger? Is it because I've had shit slung at me from all directions in different times throughout my life and I learned how to cope and manage?
I really don't know why I am the way I am. I am glad that I am though. I hope I never lose that rubber.
Also leads me to the question of confidence...why do I have so much of it? Sure, I have my moments of self-doubt, and I make HORRIBLE choices in men...but not because that's what I think I deserve, but more because I think, subconsciously, that I think I can make their lives better. But overall, I am confident. When it comes time to move on, I move on. I talk to strangers. I go out and eat by myself. I go out to a bar by myself. I will go on vacation, by myself. I walk into a place and people notice because I hold my head up and don't back down.
Where do I get it from? Is this my rebellion against my father because he always told me I was crap? Is that me saying HA! You are such a lair. I AM FANFUCKINGTASTIC!!!