Bill Simmons I will defeat you
So while I sit here trying to digest the scores from two NCAA tournament broadcasts at once (UT v. American, and Drake v. WKU) my brain has kicked into full sports mode and now I need a place to dump all this shit running through it. I'm going to just run down the bigger leagues and nitpick things. Perhaps, together, we can solve some problems in the sports world. It's likely though that I will just waste a few thousand words. Apologies to those of you who hate sports.
NCAA Basketball
Simply speaking, the only thing wrong right now with college hoops is the regular season doesn't matter for the first 2 months. However the postseason is so great who the fuck really cares? Last night Dick Vitale started into rant bout the NBA's 1 year rule (it keeps high school kids from entering into the NBA draft until 1 year after they graduate) but while I think the rule is hardly a good compromise, let's be real. Vitale wants some sort of group that will "fairly" evaluate high school players and determine if they can skip college and enter the pros. The idea being that "one and done" players like O.J. Mayo and Beasley won't have to pretend like their actually going to class when we know they aren't. The problem is if you try to set up some sort of basketball tribunal that determines whether or not a player is pro worthy then I think you enter rabbit hole that could really spoil the game. I don't care how smart the people running it are, players will still get screwed, and what's worse is you'll have established a basketball oligarchy that has real power to bully people that they don't like. Fuck that shit.
(By the way, I am paying attention to the WKU/Drake game, and it is a really fun high scoring game.)
NCAA Football
Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs.
And:
MLB
What I'm about to suggest here is baseball blasphemy, but I don't care. Shorten the season. All you have to do is cut off one month. This year the regular season starts March 25th. What. The. Fuck. Can we at least wait until May for baseball to start, you know, when it won’t be snowing in the northern part of the United States. Baseball, you know you’re a warm weather sport, stop trying to spread your fat ass into cold weather months.
NFL
The NFL is kind of cocky, every time something bad happens in the sport it’s like everyone gets mad for like 5 minutes then says “Awww I’m sorry big guy, come here and give me hug.” The Superbowl was amazing this year; it actually lived up to the hype. But there is this ugly stink the Patriots are still leaving behind. Sorry Boston fans, but your team is officially the New York Yankees of Football. If the NFL is to continue their dominance they need to move forward, like free online broadcasts of games (ad supported again I would assume). Also, stop being douchey to players that are trying to have fun, a silly dance shouldn’t cost a player $10,000.
NASCAR
You guys have a good thing going with the segment of the populace you cater to. However, these TV ratings are getting to your head I see. So now you got a “post-season” to determine a champion. Here’s the news fellas: nobody gives a fuck who the NASCAR Champion is, not even the people who love your “sport”. Just concentrate on packing 200,000 drunken rednecks into the stands of a track and selling them Dale Earnhardt neck pillows and you’ll still be rolling in cash.
NHL
There are some people who say that hockey is back. These same people all seem to be from the traditional hockey territories (Canada). Look for now it’s hard to care about hockey, I can probably name more soccer players than hockey players. The outdoor game is cool, and should be a yearly event. Hell, make a weekend of it each season where you have multiple games outdoors. Warm weather cities be damned, I want to watch these guys outside. The Stanley Cup playoffs last too long. But I think I have a solution for that in my NBA section.
NBA
I like what you got going right now NBA, you entertain me. But the first round of your playoffs puts me to sleep. Now I’m about to present the craziest solution of the day, and in doing so I will break a holy rule of American sports: copy the World Cup. Let the top seeded teams in each conference have a buy out of the group round, and then have the championship play out like a regular 7 games series. I imagine I’m the only person that likes this solution, and there is no chance in hell that this will ever happen, but there it is.
Alright, the game is in overtime, and I think I shot my sports load, time to go watch my heart get ripped out.
EDIT: FUCK YES! WESTERN KENTUCKY WINS! I LOVE BEING WRONG!
NCAA Basketball
Simply speaking, the only thing wrong right now with college hoops is the regular season doesn't matter for the first 2 months. However the postseason is so great who the fuck really cares? Last night Dick Vitale started into rant bout the NBA's 1 year rule (it keeps high school kids from entering into the NBA draft until 1 year after they graduate) but while I think the rule is hardly a good compromise, let's be real. Vitale wants some sort of group that will "fairly" evaluate high school players and determine if they can skip college and enter the pros. The idea being that "one and done" players like O.J. Mayo and Beasley won't have to pretend like their actually going to class when we know they aren't. The problem is if you try to set up some sort of basketball tribunal that determines whether or not a player is pro worthy then I think you enter rabbit hole that could really spoil the game. I don't care how smart the people running it are, players will still get screwed, and what's worse is you'll have established a basketball oligarchy that has real power to bully people that they don't like. Fuck that shit.
(By the way, I am paying attention to the WKU/Drake game, and it is a really fun high scoring game.)
NCAA Football
Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs. Playoffs.
And:
Click to viewMLB
What I'm about to suggest here is baseball blasphemy, but I don't care. Shorten the season. All you have to do is cut off one month. This year the regular season starts March 25th. What. The. Fuck. Can we at least wait until May for baseball to start, you know, when it won’t be snowing in the northern part of the United States. Baseball, you know you’re a warm weather sport, stop trying to spread your fat ass into cold weather months.
NFL
The NFL is kind of cocky, every time something bad happens in the sport it’s like everyone gets mad for like 5 minutes then says “Awww I’m sorry big guy, come here and give me hug.” The Superbowl was amazing this year; it actually lived up to the hype. But there is this ugly stink the Patriots are still leaving behind. Sorry Boston fans, but your team is officially the New York Yankees of Football. If the NFL is to continue their dominance they need to move forward, like free online broadcasts of games (ad supported again I would assume). Also, stop being douchey to players that are trying to have fun, a silly dance shouldn’t cost a player $10,000.
NASCAR
You guys have a good thing going with the segment of the populace you cater to. However, these TV ratings are getting to your head I see. So now you got a “post-season” to determine a champion. Here’s the news fellas: nobody gives a fuck who the NASCAR Champion is, not even the people who love your “sport”. Just concentrate on packing 200,000 drunken rednecks into the stands of a track and selling them Dale Earnhardt neck pillows and you’ll still be rolling in cash.
NHL
There are some people who say that hockey is back. These same people all seem to be from the traditional hockey territories (Canada). Look for now it’s hard to care about hockey, I can probably name more soccer players than hockey players. The outdoor game is cool, and should be a yearly event. Hell, make a weekend of it each season where you have multiple games outdoors. Warm weather cities be damned, I want to watch these guys outside. The Stanley Cup playoffs last too long. But I think I have a solution for that in my NBA section.
NBA
I like what you got going right now NBA, you entertain me. But the first round of your playoffs puts me to sleep. Now I’m about to present the craziest solution of the day, and in doing so I will break a holy rule of American sports: copy the World Cup. Let the top seeded teams in each conference have a buy out of the group round, and then have the championship play out like a regular 7 games series. I imagine I’m the only person that likes this solution, and there is no chance in hell that this will ever happen, but there it is.
Alright, the game is in overtime, and I think I shot my sports load, time to go watch my heart get ripped out.
EDIT: FUCK YES! WESTERN KENTUCKY WINS! I LOVE BEING WRONG!