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Managed Friendship Plan
Welcome to Managed Friendship, a whole new way of thinking
about friends and relationships. The Managed Friendship Plan
(MFP) combines all the advantages of a traditional friendship
network with important cost-saving features.
How Does It Work?
Under the Plan, you choose your friends from a network of
pre-screened accredited Friendship Providers (FPs). All your
friendship needs are met by members of your Managed Friendship
Staff.
What's Wrong with my Current Friends?
If you're like most people, you are receiving friendship
services from a network of providers haphazardly patched
together from your old neighborhoods, jobs, and schools. The
result is often costly duplication, inefficiency, and conflict.
Many of your current friends may not meet national standards,
responding to your needs with inappropriate, outmoded,or even
experimental acts of friendship. Under Managed Friendship, your
friendship needs are coordinated by your designated Best
Friend, who will ensure the quality and goodness of fit of all
your friendly relationships.
How Do I Know That the Plan's Panel of Friends Is Not Made Up
of a Bunch of Losers Who Can't Make Friends on Their Own?
Many of today's most dedicated and highly trained Friendship
Providers are as concerned as we are about delivering Quality
Friendship in a cost-effective manner. They have joined our
network because they want to focus on acting like a friend
rather than doing the paperwork and paying the high
bad-friendship premiums that have caused the cost of
traditional friendship to skyrocket. Our Friendship Providers
have met our rigorous standards of companionship and loyalty.
What If I Need a Special Friend, Say, for Poker or Fishing?
Special Friends are responsible for most of the unnecessary and
expensive activities that burden already costly relationships.
Under the Managed Friendship Plan, your Best Friend is
qualified to pre-approve your referral to a Special Friend
within the Managed Friendship Network should your needs fall
outside of the scope of his/her friendship.
Suppose I Want to See Friends Outside the Managed Friendship
Network?
You may make friends outside of the Managed Friendship Network
only in the event of a Friendship Emergency.
What is a Friendship Emergency?
The Managed Friendship Plan covers your friendship needs 24
hours a day, 365 days a year, even if you need a friend out of
town, after regular business hours, or when your Best Friend is
with someone else. You might be on a business trip, for
instance, and suddenly find that you feel lonely. In such
cases, you may make a New Friend, and all approved friendly
activities will be covered under the Plan, provided you notify
the Managed Friendship Office (or 24-hour Friendship Hotline)
within two business days.
What Friendly Activities Are Covered Under the Plan?
Friendly Activities that are typically covered include: *
Agreeing with you * Appearing sympathetic * Chewing the fat *
Dropping by * Feeling your pain * Gossiping * Hanging out *
Holding your hand (up to 5 minutes per activity)* * Joshing *
Kidding around * Listening to you whine * Partying * Passing
the time * Patting your back * Ribbing * Sharing a meal *
Shooting the breeze * Slinging the bull * Teasing (up to 15
minutes under the Premium Gold Friendship Plan)
What Friendly Activities Are Not Covered Under the Plan?
Activities that would not be pre-approved include (but are not
limited to): * Bar hopping * Bending over backwards * Drinking
to excess * Giving a hoot * Going the extra mile * Lending
money * Real empathy * Truly caring * Using illicit drugs
How Can I Find Out More About the Managed Friendship Plan?
A simple call is all it takes. If you need a friend, just call
our toll-free number. Or visit our web site. Sign up for the
Managed Friendship Plan and rest easier that all of your
appropriate friendship needs will be met.
Who Decides What's Appropriate for Me? We do. Isn't that what
friends are for?
Love IKEA?
Welcome to Managed Friendship, a whole new way of thinking
about friends and relationships. The Managed Friendship Plan
(MFP) combines all the advantages of a traditional friendship
network with important cost-saving features.
How Does It Work?
Under the Plan, you choose your friends from a network of
pre-screened accredited Friendship Providers (FPs). All your
friendship needs are met by members of your Managed Friendship
Staff.
What's Wrong with my Current Friends?
If you're like most people, you are receiving friendship
services from a network of providers haphazardly patched
together from your old neighborhoods, jobs, and schools. The
result is often costly duplication, inefficiency, and conflict.
Many of your current friends may not meet national standards,
responding to your needs with inappropriate, outmoded,or even
experimental acts of friendship. Under Managed Friendship, your
friendship needs are coordinated by your designated Best
Friend, who will ensure the quality and goodness of fit of all
your friendly relationships.
How Do I Know That the Plan's Panel of Friends Is Not Made Up
of a Bunch of Losers Who Can't Make Friends on Their Own?
Many of today's most dedicated and highly trained Friendship
Providers are as concerned as we are about delivering Quality
Friendship in a cost-effective manner. They have joined our
network because they want to focus on acting like a friend
rather than doing the paperwork and paying the high
bad-friendship premiums that have caused the cost of
traditional friendship to skyrocket. Our Friendship Providers
have met our rigorous standards of companionship and loyalty.
What If I Need a Special Friend, Say, for Poker or Fishing?
Special Friends are responsible for most of the unnecessary and
expensive activities that burden already costly relationships.
Under the Managed Friendship Plan, your Best Friend is
qualified to pre-approve your referral to a Special Friend
within the Managed Friendship Network should your needs fall
outside of the scope of his/her friendship.
Suppose I Want to See Friends Outside the Managed Friendship
Network?
You may make friends outside of the Managed Friendship Network
only in the event of a Friendship Emergency.
What is a Friendship Emergency?
The Managed Friendship Plan covers your friendship needs 24
hours a day, 365 days a year, even if you need a friend out of
town, after regular business hours, or when your Best Friend is
with someone else. You might be on a business trip, for
instance, and suddenly find that you feel lonely. In such
cases, you may make a New Friend, and all approved friendly
activities will be covered under the Plan, provided you notify
the Managed Friendship Office (or 24-hour Friendship Hotline)
within two business days.
What Friendly Activities Are Covered Under the Plan?
Friendly Activities that are typically covered include: *
Agreeing with you * Appearing sympathetic * Chewing the fat *
Dropping by * Feeling your pain * Gossiping * Hanging out *
Holding your hand (up to 5 minutes per activity)* * Joshing *
Kidding around * Listening to you whine * Partying * Passing
the time * Patting your back * Ribbing * Sharing a meal *
Shooting the breeze * Slinging the bull * Teasing (up to 15
minutes under the Premium Gold Friendship Plan)
What Friendly Activities Are Not Covered Under the Plan?
Activities that would not be pre-approved include (but are not
limited to): * Bar hopping * Bending over backwards * Drinking
to excess * Giving a hoot * Going the extra mile * Lending
money * Real empathy * Truly caring * Using illicit drugs
How Can I Find Out More About the Managed Friendship Plan?
A simple call is all it takes. If you need a friend, just call
our toll-free number. Or visit our web site. Sign up for the
Managed Friendship Plan and rest easier that all of your
appropriate friendship needs will be met.
Who Decides What's Appropriate for Me? We do. Isn't that what
friends are for?
Love IKEA?