3rd post in less than 12 hours
Today is downright evil. I've been ranting for the past half day and been carrying burdensome sadness in my brain. What have I done to deserve this? I've diligently done my household chores all summer long. I've gone to mars and back home to train. I've edited a million times and lost some money in order to print whatever I edited. The point is, I've been a very very very very very very very good person, ranting a little here and there, but doing my tasks all the same. I haven't thrown a bitch fit at those who have made me do what I should do. I haven't shown them my exhaustion. I haven't given them reason to hate me. I haven't shoved into their throats how I feel so helpless and I need a break. Simply put, I took in everything. And I've been a very very very very very obedient slave. So what reason does earth/karma/Higher Being/nature have to give me this bad-ass shit of a day?
earth/karma/Higher Being/nature: you are the one who's thinking that your day is a bad-ass shit.
ME: Oh, really? Try analyzing these!
1. Oh no you didn't. Shit. You did.
So you have title. And with that title you have a task. The other person has a different title. And with that different title is a different task. Blur the lines a little. Other person can do your task while you are also doing it. BUT WAIT! Other person does it so much better. What do you do? How would you feel?
I feel insulted, annoyed, pushed aside, dishonored. I have no reason to continue, I shall give up the title. And seriously, I am so going to do that. But I think I want to have fun first. I want to try some sarcasm, I will applaud you for being so damn great. And guess what? People won't figure out my anger. And indeed, they didn't They applaud you too for being so damn great. And here I am pushed aside, ranting my wits out on my Livejournal that no one reads. I really need to resign, succumb to your greatness. I need to have a life. After all, my horoscope for today reads
"It's admirable that you keep plugging away, oblivious to all naysayers and rain clouds on the horizon. It takes a lot of strength to stay so focused -- but it also takes a lot of strength to know when to say when. You're approaching the point where your energy output is exceeding the amount of payoff you'll ever see. Hand off the work to someone who has a fresh perspective, or cut your losses and move on. Use your energy to get the reward you deserve -- treat yourself to a little splurge." (Yahoo Shine, 2011)
Swak sa banga.
2. Poster girl for "letting nature take its course"
I remember how I felt some affinity to Confucianism's wuwei, or letting nature take its course, back in high school. Amazingly, that has been my motto for all human relationships I experience. I remember how I disliked the clique-ish system that was so apparent in high school, talk about how you have to choose friends in group works, field trips, retreat room assignments, congress room assignments, and all those fun stuff to do with a friend. I didn't dislike it for not having a friend. In fact I have many friends, because I am very tolerant and accepting, or not. Okay, I did have friends, but I didn't have a barkada. There I wrote it, it's all about that clique system wherein you're more likely to pair up with a friend in your barkada, rather than your friend who's not a part of your barkada. I don't fight for pairing up with my friends, because I am not aggressive, but sometimes my go with the flow ways also make me end up with good friends. Even if it felt so bad to pair up with a person I don't really like, it was meh, okay for me, but it hurt.
Here comes college, a patch of fresh insight, a haven for new experiences. I was hoping for the non-existence of the clique system, the group with your best friend system. So far, it hasn't occurred, until today. Until this wretched, hell-broke-loose day. So pair up. I was kind of pretty sure I'd get a friend I appreciate, but someone needs this friend more, and I didn't fight for my happiness. Hence ending up with a partner I don't really hate but I don't really like as well. Oh life, you put me in the middle all the time. You put me where I am not sad and not happy and you wonder why I am never contented. I don't plan to make a fuss out of this because I am mature. I know how to handle things, but sometimes, I think, when will I learn to fight for people I would like to be with? It hasn't happened before, sure did not happen today, because all I want is for these people to fight for me too.
But I don't think that they want me as badly as I want them, so I just surrender and go with the flow, anyway, with almost twenty years of doing so, I think I am flexible enough, but I just realized how sad it is to give the second best for yourself when it comes to human relationships (because in everything else I know how to make a statement in getting what I want). I don't know why, but it sounds so sad. This must be the reason why I've never been so happy.
Too much for realizations. I still carry a heavy burden in my mind. This may seem like a release of bad energy, but it does not feel so. I've had too much all summer long. Hopefully the following week will be the inverse of all these bad vibes I have collected for the past month. All I want is that and all I can do is hope.
earth/karma/Higher Being/nature: you are the one who's thinking that your day is a bad-ass shit.
ME: Oh, really? Try analyzing these!
1. Oh no you didn't. Shit. You did.
So you have title. And with that title you have a task. The other person has a different title. And with that different title is a different task. Blur the lines a little. Other person can do your task while you are also doing it. BUT WAIT! Other person does it so much better. What do you do? How would you feel?
I feel insulted, annoyed, pushed aside, dishonored. I have no reason to continue, I shall give up the title. And seriously, I am so going to do that. But I think I want to have fun first. I want to try some sarcasm, I will applaud you for being so damn great. And guess what? People won't figure out my anger. And indeed, they didn't They applaud you too for being so damn great. And here I am pushed aside, ranting my wits out on my Livejournal that no one reads. I really need to resign, succumb to your greatness. I need to have a life. After all, my horoscope for today reads
"It's admirable that you keep plugging away, oblivious to all naysayers and rain clouds on the horizon. It takes a lot of strength to stay so focused -- but it also takes a lot of strength to know when to say when. You're approaching the point where your energy output is exceeding the amount of payoff you'll ever see. Hand off the work to someone who has a fresh perspective, or cut your losses and move on. Use your energy to get the reward you deserve -- treat yourself to a little splurge." (Yahoo Shine, 2011)
Swak sa banga.
2. Poster girl for "letting nature take its course"
I remember how I felt some affinity to Confucianism's wuwei, or letting nature take its course, back in high school. Amazingly, that has been my motto for all human relationships I experience. I remember how I disliked the clique-ish system that was so apparent in high school, talk about how you have to choose friends in group works, field trips, retreat room assignments, congress room assignments, and all those fun stuff to do with a friend. I didn't dislike it for not having a friend. In fact I have many friends, because I am very tolerant and accepting, or not. Okay, I did have friends, but I didn't have a barkada. There I wrote it, it's all about that clique system wherein you're more likely to pair up with a friend in your barkada, rather than your friend who's not a part of your barkada. I don't fight for pairing up with my friends, because I am not aggressive, but sometimes my go with the flow ways also make me end up with good friends. Even if it felt so bad to pair up with a person I don't really like, it was meh, okay for me, but it hurt.
Here comes college, a patch of fresh insight, a haven for new experiences. I was hoping for the non-existence of the clique system, the group with your best friend system. So far, it hasn't occurred, until today. Until this wretched, hell-broke-loose day. So pair up. I was kind of pretty sure I'd get a friend I appreciate, but someone needs this friend more, and I didn't fight for my happiness. Hence ending up with a partner I don't really hate but I don't really like as well. Oh life, you put me in the middle all the time. You put me where I am not sad and not happy and you wonder why I am never contented. I don't plan to make a fuss out of this because I am mature. I know how to handle things, but sometimes, I think, when will I learn to fight for people I would like to be with? It hasn't happened before, sure did not happen today, because all I want is for these people to fight for me too.
But I don't think that they want me as badly as I want them, so I just surrender and go with the flow, anyway, with almost twenty years of doing so, I think I am flexible enough, but I just realized how sad it is to give the second best for yourself when it comes to human relationships (because in everything else I know how to make a statement in getting what I want). I don't know why, but it sounds so sad. This must be the reason why I've never been so happy.
Too much for realizations. I still carry a heavy burden in my mind. This may seem like a release of bad energy, but it does not feel so. I've had too much all summer long. Hopefully the following week will be the inverse of all these bad vibes I have collected for the past month. All I want is that and all I can do is hope.