Explanation of I Hate Me
So I wanted to explain the verses of I Hate Me and I figured that it wouldn't be all that wise explaining it in the entry since it could probably be itself and just be what you want it to be so :/
This is be a bit long but I'll try to make as sense as possible.
--
I wanted to chase the sun
But I didn’t want to leave the clouds
I wanted the sky, the stars and the world
But, no, this was fine, this was perfectly alright
The world was perfect and it was great
But it wasn’t, I don’t really think it was
I needed more, I needed the ocean
But I wanted all my rivers and I had to choose
I want big things for myself, for my life and all that but I never try anything. I always tell myself that, okay, this is 'good enough', I don't have to try to be better. I feel like I can be and get what I really want but the thing is I just don't have it in me to try to get out of my comfort zone. I'm too comfortable in my comfort zone, it's just not my comfort zone anymore and people don't know I do what I do because I'm afraid of stepping out of my circle. Or square. Whatever is symbolic or something.
Daffodils littered my bright purple room
I hated curtains but thin white sheets covered my windows
I never left my room, I always stayed on my bed
I hated the floor, I hated the ground
I liked things simple. I was a girl who truly wanted a simple life, despite wanting big things. Purple prose means exaggeration, highly imaginative writing. I imagine myself a colorful life, I guess. Just...never do anything about it.
I always wanted to know everything. I loved being able to say that oh, I know that. I understand that. I like feeling wise, and not with just useless, random facts. But at the same time, I hated knowing things. I hated how things were and I just wish they weren't there. Or that I never knew them.
I love my room, literally. It's something I'm used to. I don't get problems there and everything is just simple. The ground is a symbol of the real world and I hated that. I didn't want to go out there.
I didn’t like the outside so help me get away
I hated the loud, loud sounds, stop the screaming
The people were so so so ugly out there
But it wasn’t fair! There were so pretty, too
[...three verses after...]
I wrote about how men were pretty but disgusting
How women were perfect but just so vile
I love my humans but hated our people
Give me back all my toys while I destroy some more
I hated how horrible people could be, how horrible they can think and act. And I guess I'm being hypocritical of myself. But I hated how they could be just because they can but I loved people because people just. Can't. Not love. They will love and love even if there's something wrong with love because we just can't exist without it. But people could just be pretty. They could just be something this wonderful and I loved them and everything and wow, you know?
I'll talk about the last line later.
The sky was dying but no, that was just me
Run, run, run away, I love the sky but it was dying
My mother said I should stop being ridiculous, get back here
But they don’t understand, my sky was dying and peeling
Sometimes, I feel like I'm ruining my life. I'm doing these things that make it so much less than it could be. And people don't know that because I never tell people anything. It's just half of me is unknown to people because I never show it to anyone. It's not like I'm doing anything outrageous, just that I don't do anything.
I painted my room brown and blue and gold
I destroyed all my toys and put dolls and spaceships
I threw away all the paper in the house and burned them
So I could draw on the walls and write my lies
[...last line of the next verse...]
Give me back all my toys while I destroy some more
I always try to be an adult and know all these things. I try to mature myself up because I want to feel like I’m wise beyond my years. But I don’t to grow up. I’m comfortable living the easy part of life because I don’t want to go out there. Nothing has ever gotten me to grow up and I'm afraid of what will happen when I do. I still feel like a child and I don't know how I can ever manage.
I forgot the symbolism of the third line of the verse actually ^^; But mostly, I wanted people to pay attention to me and see what I'm trying to say because I'm never going to learn to speak up. I lie to make myself feel better and worse and people may never truly understand me because I don't think I don't open up to people and they won't know what's wrong with me because I don't let them see.
Tell me I’m beautiful, tell me I’m perfect
Tel me I’m disgusting and gross and horrible
Tell me everything you want to hear
And I’ll tell you everything you don’t
I always want people to say good things about me because I either think I'm not good enough or that I'm being vain thinking I'm this good. I soak up on compliments like a sponge but I want people to tell me the bad things about myself. I fear that I'd get a huge head and that I'd become this narcissist and this selfish person and I don't want to become something I hate without even realizing it. I don't want to become the biggest hypcrite in the world.
I want to hear things everyone wants to hear. I want to feel special but most of the time, I don't give others the privilege to hear that from me. I tell them things that they literally don't want to hear. Things that humanize them (and not in a good way) and things that make them seem less as good as they may usually seem. I don't know how harsh I really am but I'm trying to learn how to be less mean but I'm still trying to figure that out.
I made a little white doll I love
She has beautiful button eyes and lips
I sew her up everyday with black yarn
I put her under the laundry to keep her safe
I make myself a puppet. Or people make me a puppet. I feel what most people feel. Be what people want me to be (to some degree). I want to be someone who is the way they want to be and not something the world expects them to be (no matter how involuntary it is) but I know I'm a long way there.
I find people do what their age tells them to be. They try to be perfect or imperfect, unconciously or otherwise, because people are never truly everything they want to be. All of us are actors in one way or another and we try to be the perfect 'me'.
My room was so beautiful and lovely
It was all mine, mine and no one else’s
Nobody can make it theirs
Nobody else can ever understand it
I like to believe that no one can ever touch my thoughts and my inner self because it's who I am and they can't truly change that. I'm possessive of my thoughts because I feel like no one can ever truly understand it and it's just all me. It's my logic and no one else's.
--
I literally did overdramatize myself because, well, that's how I am. I overdramatize things. So I apologize if I make everything so BIG ;)
This is be a bit long but I'll try to make as sense as possible.
--
I wanted to chase the sun
But I didn’t want to leave the clouds
I wanted the sky, the stars and the world
But, no, this was fine, this was perfectly alright
The world was perfect and it was great
But it wasn’t, I don’t really think it was
I needed more, I needed the ocean
But I wanted all my rivers and I had to choose
I want big things for myself, for my life and all that but I never try anything. I always tell myself that, okay, this is 'good enough', I don't have to try to be better. I feel like I can be and get what I really want but the thing is I just don't have it in me to try to get out of my comfort zone. I'm too comfortable in my comfort zone, it's just not my comfort zone anymore and people don't know I do what I do because I'm afraid of stepping out of my circle. Or square. Whatever is symbolic or something.
Daffodils littered my bright purple room
I hated curtains but thin white sheets covered my windows
I never left my room, I always stayed on my bed
I hated the floor, I hated the ground
I liked things simple. I was a girl who truly wanted a simple life, despite wanting big things. Purple prose means exaggeration, highly imaginative writing. I imagine myself a colorful life, I guess. Just...never do anything about it.
I always wanted to know everything. I loved being able to say that oh, I know that. I understand that. I like feeling wise, and not with just useless, random facts. But at the same time, I hated knowing things. I hated how things were and I just wish they weren't there. Or that I never knew them.
I love my room, literally. It's something I'm used to. I don't get problems there and everything is just simple. The ground is a symbol of the real world and I hated that. I didn't want to go out there.
I didn’t like the outside so help me get away
I hated the loud, loud sounds, stop the screaming
The people were so so so ugly out there
But it wasn’t fair! There were so pretty, too
[...three verses after...]
I wrote about how men were pretty but disgusting
How women were perfect but just so vile
I love my humans but hated our people
Give me back all my toys while I destroy some more
I hated how horrible people could be, how horrible they can think and act. And I guess I'm being hypocritical of myself. But I hated how they could be just because they can but I loved people because people just. Can't. Not love. They will love and love even if there's something wrong with love because we just can't exist without it. But people could just be pretty. They could just be something this wonderful and I loved them and everything and wow, you know?
I'll talk about the last line later.
The sky was dying but no, that was just me
Run, run, run away, I love the sky but it was dying
My mother said I should stop being ridiculous, get back here
But they don’t understand, my sky was dying and peeling
Sometimes, I feel like I'm ruining my life. I'm doing these things that make it so much less than it could be. And people don't know that because I never tell people anything. It's just half of me is unknown to people because I never show it to anyone. It's not like I'm doing anything outrageous, just that I don't do anything.
I painted my room brown and blue and gold
I destroyed all my toys and put dolls and spaceships
I threw away all the paper in the house and burned them
So I could draw on the walls and write my lies
[...last line of the next verse...]
Give me back all my toys while I destroy some more
I always try to be an adult and know all these things. I try to mature myself up because I want to feel like I’m wise beyond my years. But I don’t to grow up. I’m comfortable living the easy part of life because I don’t want to go out there. Nothing has ever gotten me to grow up and I'm afraid of what will happen when I do. I still feel like a child and I don't know how I can ever manage.
I forgot the symbolism of the third line of the verse actually ^^; But mostly, I wanted people to pay attention to me and see what I'm trying to say because I'm never going to learn to speak up. I lie to make myself feel better and worse and people may never truly understand me because I don't think I don't open up to people and they won't know what's wrong with me because I don't let them see.
Tell me I’m beautiful, tell me I’m perfect
Tel me I’m disgusting and gross and horrible
Tell me everything you want to hear
And I’ll tell you everything you don’t
I always want people to say good things about me because I either think I'm not good enough or that I'm being vain thinking I'm this good. I soak up on compliments like a sponge but I want people to tell me the bad things about myself. I fear that I'd get a huge head and that I'd become this narcissist and this selfish person and I don't want to become something I hate without even realizing it. I don't want to become the biggest hypcrite in the world.
I want to hear things everyone wants to hear. I want to feel special but most of the time, I don't give others the privilege to hear that from me. I tell them things that they literally don't want to hear. Things that humanize them (and not in a good way) and things that make them seem less as good as they may usually seem. I don't know how harsh I really am but I'm trying to learn how to be less mean but I'm still trying to figure that out.
I made a little white doll I love
She has beautiful button eyes and lips
I sew her up everyday with black yarn
I put her under the laundry to keep her safe
I make myself a puppet. Or people make me a puppet. I feel what most people feel. Be what people want me to be (to some degree). I want to be someone who is the way they want to be and not something the world expects them to be (no matter how involuntary it is) but I know I'm a long way there.
I find people do what their age tells them to be. They try to be perfect or imperfect, unconciously or otherwise, because people are never truly everything they want to be. All of us are actors in one way or another and we try to be the perfect 'me'.
My room was so beautiful and lovely
It was all mine, mine and no one else’s
Nobody can make it theirs
Nobody else can ever understand it
I like to believe that no one can ever touch my thoughts and my inner self because it's who I am and they can't truly change that. I'm possessive of my thoughts because I feel like no one can ever truly understand it and it's just all me. It's my logic and no one else's.
--
I literally did overdramatize myself because, well, that's how I am. I overdramatize things. So I apologize if I make everything so BIG ;)