Nan update.
Well I found out some upsetting news on Sunday night and it's taken me this long to have the strength to sit down and write. We have been waiting to find out the results of the biopsy from a portion of the tumour that they removed between her bladder and kidney a month ago. Sunday night whilst at the church of the Mollys I received a call from my Mother with an update from the Doctor and the news isn't great.
Basically from what I could understand, if her condition goes untreated then she has 12 months to live. They are talking about doing radiation, chemo etc. The problem is that she is 89 years old and has dementia so it becomes a question of what is treatment and what is just cruel. When she was in the hospital for the tumour removal she kept forgetting that she had a catheta (sp?) in and the confusion led to anger and distress. I don't know what the family will decide and I'm not sure where I fall on the issue.
On one hand I am selfish and I want her to be around for many years to come but I feel guilty because I moved to America 11 years ago and I've only been home once to see her so that's an awful lot of wasted days I could have spent by her side. I also feel like it would be cruel to force her to go through harsh and painful treatments like chemo and make her final years uncomfortable. I don't know... When the idea of getting treated a year ago was presented to her she made it quite known that she was uninterested in such invasive measures.
I wonder if I'll get to see her again before she passes, I wonder how my Mother will cope when she does, I wonder if my Nan would even remember if I did go home and visit before the end, I wonder if I'm an awful person because I chose to live here with the people I have come to love over the last few years rather than go home to be with my family. I wonder if I'll ever be strong enough to talk about this without crying.
I want to thank all of the people who have been so incredibly supportive and kind during this difficult time. My hubby has been a rock for me. Mark has provided a warm shoulder to cry on, a friendly ear to listen, and strong arms to hold me, thank you Sweetheart. Thank you to my kind friends who have enquired about how Nan is doing and sent their sympathies.
Basically from what I could understand, if her condition goes untreated then she has 12 months to live. They are talking about doing radiation, chemo etc. The problem is that she is 89 years old and has dementia so it becomes a question of what is treatment and what is just cruel. When she was in the hospital for the tumour removal she kept forgetting that she had a catheta (sp?) in and the confusion led to anger and distress. I don't know what the family will decide and I'm not sure where I fall on the issue.
On one hand I am selfish and I want her to be around for many years to come but I feel guilty because I moved to America 11 years ago and I've only been home once to see her so that's an awful lot of wasted days I could have spent by her side. I also feel like it would be cruel to force her to go through harsh and painful treatments like chemo and make her final years uncomfortable. I don't know... When the idea of getting treated a year ago was presented to her she made it quite known that she was uninterested in such invasive measures.
I wonder if I'll get to see her again before she passes, I wonder how my Mother will cope when she does, I wonder if my Nan would even remember if I did go home and visit before the end, I wonder if I'm an awful person because I chose to live here with the people I have come to love over the last few years rather than go home to be with my family. I wonder if I'll ever be strong enough to talk about this without crying.
I want to thank all of the people who have been so incredibly supportive and kind during this difficult time. My hubby has been a rock for me. Mark has provided a warm shoulder to cry on, a friendly ear to listen, and strong arms to hold me, thank you Sweetheart. Thank you to my kind friends who have enquired about how Nan is doing and sent their sympathies.