much news
So much has been happening in my life and, as usual, I am a terrible poster.
I am always running from one place to the next, and I rarely have time to sit for a minute. Even the most inconsequential tasks seem monumental, frequently. When I work at Meijer, though, it's such mindless work that all I do is think. I write a lot of LJ posts in my head when I work there; if only they were all posted here, I'd be great at keeping up with LJ. Unfortunately, I cannot post while I work :(
I've had a lot of things on my mind, lately. The sorority, my impending life changes, my spiritual and emotional wellbeing, my family, some of my friends, my habits.
Not everyone has heard this yet, but here's the news: in the first couple days of March, I will be moving to Takoma Park, MD. I have signed a lease for an apartment there for one year. I will be living with a girl who worked at Victory Fund, where I interned. Her name is Stephanie, she has a cat, and I like her. I think we have many similarities. I am excited for the move because I want to escape from Michigan, I love the DC area, and they don't have much winter there. I am worried because I do not have a job and I will be leaving all my friends behind, and Oscar! But I am hoping this will end up working out. Omg independence!
Sorority-wise, I was hoping that I would get the chance to have a baby before I moved. My family line perished and I really wanted to renew that. It looks like that won't be possible, which really makes me sad because this was probably my last chance to make it happen. It does free up a bit more of my time, though, as the time quickly approaches for me to move. I think this move will be good for me for a lot of reasons, but I think mostly I just need to get my life together and the move can serve as a new beginning. Lately I've been so busy and trying to keep the small stuff going that I've lost all sight of the big picture. What kind of person am I right now? Where am I going? What am I trying to accomplish? All these things have fallen by the wayside, and I think that I'm being someone who I am not. There is something inside me that needs to get out and I need to figure out what that is, but I can't do it here. I'm hoping for a fresh start, a new beginning in MD that will enable me to become the person that I want to be. I hope this happens. I hate how right now I am so busy that I can't do anything, can't spend time on things important to me. My communication has really been reduced, both to my friends and my family. I just need a new leaf, so I think this move will be timely.
I am going to miss Oscar, but not the other crazy in my family so much. And my cousins; I'll miss them. Friend-wise, I have a lot of people to miss. God, I'm going to freak! I'm excited to move closer to some of my friends, though: Bridget and McCoy in NY, Aaron in Philly, and soon Lynde in VA. And of course I still have my excellent friendships that endure distance, like those with several of my sisters, with Erika, with Andre, etc. I hope that the friendships I currently have here in Holland can also survive the test of distance and I won't lose any of those who I really hold close. I'm trying to see everyone before I leave, and I'm excited that Erika will be back for a while so I can catch up with her! It's been nice having Lynde back as well; we've hung out a few times and had lots of fun :)
I feel like things are looking up for me (as long as I find a job!) and I hope that I can become a happier person in this move. I think one of the negative changes for me in this time here in MI has been that I have become very adept at acting happy and cheerful when I don't feel that way at all. It's been a long, long time since I've felt really happy, but most of those who see me now would say that I am. I think that I'm still getting over some Jacob baggage, maybe. Maybe not. I know that winter isn't helping; it always depresses me. And I'm a very tactile person and I just miss touch. I mean, I don't know the last time I've really touched anyone, you know. Not necessarily in a sexual way, at all, just really touching someone. A huge hug that doesn't stop, holding someone close, holding hands. It's been way too long, and it's killing me.
I could go on and on, but I have to shower and go to work. I'm excited to go to the club tonight with Wanda and Danielle. Wanda and I have started going to the bar almost every night when I don't work, just for a couple of drinks and to see what's going on. There's really nothing else to do in Holland.... I am newly obsessed with margaritas, and cannot get enough of them! They are love.
I love and miss many and all of you.
Alpha phis...any requests for phone calls and songs in the upcoming weeks? Let me know :)
I am always running from one place to the next, and I rarely have time to sit for a minute. Even the most inconsequential tasks seem monumental, frequently. When I work at Meijer, though, it's such mindless work that all I do is think. I write a lot of LJ posts in my head when I work there; if only they were all posted here, I'd be great at keeping up with LJ. Unfortunately, I cannot post while I work :(
I've had a lot of things on my mind, lately. The sorority, my impending life changes, my spiritual and emotional wellbeing, my family, some of my friends, my habits.
Not everyone has heard this yet, but here's the news: in the first couple days of March, I will be moving to Takoma Park, MD. I have signed a lease for an apartment there for one year. I will be living with a girl who worked at Victory Fund, where I interned. Her name is Stephanie, she has a cat, and I like her. I think we have many similarities. I am excited for the move because I want to escape from Michigan, I love the DC area, and they don't have much winter there. I am worried because I do not have a job and I will be leaving all my friends behind, and Oscar! But I am hoping this will end up working out. Omg independence!
Sorority-wise, I was hoping that I would get the chance to have a baby before I moved. My family line perished and I really wanted to renew that. It looks like that won't be possible, which really makes me sad because this was probably my last chance to make it happen. It does free up a bit more of my time, though, as the time quickly approaches for me to move. I think this move will be good for me for a lot of reasons, but I think mostly I just need to get my life together and the move can serve as a new beginning. Lately I've been so busy and trying to keep the small stuff going that I've lost all sight of the big picture. What kind of person am I right now? Where am I going? What am I trying to accomplish? All these things have fallen by the wayside, and I think that I'm being someone who I am not. There is something inside me that needs to get out and I need to figure out what that is, but I can't do it here. I'm hoping for a fresh start, a new beginning in MD that will enable me to become the person that I want to be. I hope this happens. I hate how right now I am so busy that I can't do anything, can't spend time on things important to me. My communication has really been reduced, both to my friends and my family. I just need a new leaf, so I think this move will be timely.
I am going to miss Oscar, but not the other crazy in my family so much. And my cousins; I'll miss them. Friend-wise, I have a lot of people to miss. God, I'm going to freak! I'm excited to move closer to some of my friends, though: Bridget and McCoy in NY, Aaron in Philly, and soon Lynde in VA. And of course I still have my excellent friendships that endure distance, like those with several of my sisters, with Erika, with Andre, etc. I hope that the friendships I currently have here in Holland can also survive the test of distance and I won't lose any of those who I really hold close. I'm trying to see everyone before I leave, and I'm excited that Erika will be back for a while so I can catch up with her! It's been nice having Lynde back as well; we've hung out a few times and had lots of fun :)
I feel like things are looking up for me (as long as I find a job!) and I hope that I can become a happier person in this move. I think one of the negative changes for me in this time here in MI has been that I have become very adept at acting happy and cheerful when I don't feel that way at all. It's been a long, long time since I've felt really happy, but most of those who see me now would say that I am. I think that I'm still getting over some Jacob baggage, maybe. Maybe not. I know that winter isn't helping; it always depresses me. And I'm a very tactile person and I just miss touch. I mean, I don't know the last time I've really touched anyone, you know. Not necessarily in a sexual way, at all, just really touching someone. A huge hug that doesn't stop, holding someone close, holding hands. It's been way too long, and it's killing me.
I could go on and on, but I have to shower and go to work. I'm excited to go to the club tonight with Wanda and Danielle. Wanda and I have started going to the bar almost every night when I don't work, just for a couple of drinks and to see what's going on. There's really nothing else to do in Holland.... I am newly obsessed with margaritas, and cannot get enough of them! They are love.
I love and miss many and all of you.
Alpha phis...any requests for phone calls and songs in the upcoming weeks? Let me know :)