Football Hatred, Its Varying Types
I was talking with applegnat today (who is fortunately not blown up, despite terrorists attacking her city last night), and we were discussing the disgraceful tragedy that is Juventus FC winning 5-1. (Against Livorno. But still.) Juve, you see, we hate. As in, the sight of black-and-white striped jerseys makes us physically ill. And this is despite being fond, almost against our better judgment, of some particular players who play or have played for the blancaneri. I will not comment on how Alessandro del Piero is actually looking cute again now that he has hair. Again. But then there is Inter, of course, and we hate them to, or at least we say we do, so there is that. And this, really, led to this discussion:
There is football hate, and then there is football hate. (This is similar to there being bad baby names, and then there being bad baby names. OH TOTTERS, WHY.) There is hatred of a team because it has a long-standing rivalry with your team, and then there is hatred of a team because they are evil, or occasionally, Evil. It is really very different.
I am rossonera, this is long-established fact. Being rossonera carries with it certain obligations, one of which being unstinting hatred of That Team Across Town, the Ones We Play The Derby Against, the Devils In Black And Blue. It's not like we're Rome, mind (although things might be easier if we were, because while I'd never claim to be a Roma fan, Lazio really is evil), but cross-town rivalries are cross-town rivalries, and a certain amount of anti-Inter feeling is required. So I do hate Inter, and even the graciousness instilled in rossoneri by their Dolce&Gabbana-wearing idols allows for a little mocking when they, you know, draw 1-1 against Udinese through an own goal. Especially because we all know that they will happily turn around and mock us when our entire back line suddenly develops dodgy knees and our strikers hit the post fourteen times in three games. It's a mutual, cheerful hatred, and it's Just What Football Is About.
That kind of hatred, though, can allow for wiggle room. It means I can get away with being completely slightly obsessed with a certain gigantic, clinically insane Swede who has the intelligence of a PhD student and the emotional maturity of a twelve year old and who can outplay entire teams singlehandedly (-footedly?), even though he plays for the Devil. Because he doesn't, you see, play for the Devil, he just plays for the Devil. He doesn't play for Juve. Juve really is evil. Surely I don't have to explain why? Well, for those German fans on my flist who don't like and don't follow Serie A, let me just tell you: the reason why you don't like Italian football? That can all be summed up in one team. If the glory and the tragedy of Italian football can be encapsulated by Paolo Maldini Milan, than the ugliness of Italian football can be encapsulated by Juventus. Calciopoli may have been on the one hand a farce and on the other a pack of lies, but Juve is still evil. Calciopoli just pointed that out to us. So there is hatred, my darling idiotic collection of Argentinians, a giant Swede, and Matrix Materazzi, and then there is hatred. Buffon is awesome. He still plays for the Devil.
Or take the Bundesliga. I am a Werder fan. Everyone knows this. As a Werder fan (well, actually, as an anyone-but-Bayern fan), I am obligated to hate Bayern. Which I do. But as we all know, this hatred can't really stand up to Andi's grin, Marcell's hair, or Phil's eyebrows, so really, it's just trash talk by this point. I want Werder to win, of course, I want Werder to win everything, even things they're not playing. But I'm still pretty excited when Andi scores against them. I may hate Bayern because they're The Devil and they have too much money and their management is distinctly more competent at evil than Milan's and they get horrified by finishing fourth so they go and buy everyone else's strikers just to insure that they'll win the league by Christmas, but I still watch every single one of their games. And write porn about them.
But then there's Schalke. Schalke, whose management isn't evil, actually, but has a fan base so infernally smug and a playing style so dependent on breaking the opposition's ankles that they manage to be the Bundesliga's biggest Devil anyway. Or as Bill once put it, "I might like Schalke a little more if they didn't field an entire team consisting of players who make me want to throw up every time I see them". (Except for Levan Kobiashvilli, of course.) So Schalke, Schalke I hate. Schalke I hate so much that I get snippy and rather bitter when Schalke players score for Germany, and what am I doing getting angry at anyone who scores for Germany? Well, when that person is Kevin Kuranyi, what exactly I am doing is pretty obvious. (For non-Germany fans, the answer is: trying not to hurl.) I don't write porn about Schalke. Schalke is the Devil.
I can extend this argument to the EPL, too, and say that my hatred of Tottenham yadda yadda yadda, nothing compared to hatred of Chelsea (for being Evil) and Man U (for being Man U) etc. etc. etc., except that I hate the EPL in general so I can't really be bothered. You're not Arsenal, you're an English club, I don't like you. Either stop breaking people's ankles and get fans who don't break down people's doors when they lose, or get over it.
Besides that, I think you've gotten my point. There is hatred, and there is hatred. I shouldn't feel these emotions, of course, I am a highly educated, civilized, and sophisticated young woman. I am not a soccer hooligan. But hell, this is sport. Why do I follow football? Because football is the closest thing we have to human passion in a physical form. And that, I'm afraid, includes both the beautiful (Sandro Nesta's ankles) and the ugly (shoving the scudetto up Inter's arse).
When is the next game, then?