jump in when the temperature's right!
So I think I'm going to be writing here again. I think I left for a variety of reasons - tumblr, my breakup with Jeff, my now very busy life, my loss of wanting to actually write. But I think I do need this space again to write about me, about my life, my feelings, without feeling ashamed or shy or like it's a huge fucking spectacle.
So much has changed, there are so many new things and dynamics going on in my life. So let's start with the easiest things first. I moved to Colorado from Michigan with B, Jon, and Zadie last July. We've been here in Denver for a year and we all fucking love it. Right before we moved here I had been telling Jeff that Jon and B were my partners, but that I wasn't any less devoted to him, that I didn't mean for it to happen like this, but they were my family.
There had definitely been a shift coming for a long time, a realigning of my priorities and letting go of the dream that I would someday return to Texas when things were better. Jeff was more and more distant and cold, could never meet any of my compromises, and was just unhappy in our relationship. I guess it couldn't be helped with a 9 month separation. And it was getting harder to deny, that despite not having sex with either of them, I had a more than friendly relationship with B and Jon. Add to the mix the fact that I would weep when I thought about not being with Zadie in the long run.
Jeff and I broke up, it was hard and terrible and I was the one to initiate it. I'm sure I'll actually write more about it later. I have been writing about it, in notepad on the computer, heh. I have a backlog of various writings, none of them short with Jeff as subject. I rebounded with this dude named Nick Connell. I do that sometimes, use a person's whole name when I like them a whole lot. He and I didn't last super long and it was probably for the best.
During this time, I really embraced being poly and talking with B and Jon about being my partners. They agreed that it had felt that way already. And it does. I'm still not having sex with either of them (which doesn't mean that I don't want to, just not right now - you know, dynamics and stuff) but we are still very much partners. We raise a child together and the way each one of us adds to the family just makes it work. I love being a part of this, my life has never been this good or happy.
Being poly is so fucking wonderful. I think it really was all the baggage with Jeff that made it hard before. It can be hard at times, but it's so rare. Often I just feel so loved and adored by many people. It feels right.
But I digress - there will be oh so many updates now. Mainly I wanted to start writing again to cope with day to day things and adjust to the task of being with Zadie 40+ hours a week. I think it's going to be good, I really do, but I need to make sure to check in and reflect on the regular. In other news, I'm learning how to drive stick shift!
So much has changed, there are so many new things and dynamics going on in my life. So let's start with the easiest things first. I moved to Colorado from Michigan with B, Jon, and Zadie last July. We've been here in Denver for a year and we all fucking love it. Right before we moved here I had been telling Jeff that Jon and B were my partners, but that I wasn't any less devoted to him, that I didn't mean for it to happen like this, but they were my family.
There had definitely been a shift coming for a long time, a realigning of my priorities and letting go of the dream that I would someday return to Texas when things were better. Jeff was more and more distant and cold, could never meet any of my compromises, and was just unhappy in our relationship. I guess it couldn't be helped with a 9 month separation. And it was getting harder to deny, that despite not having sex with either of them, I had a more than friendly relationship with B and Jon. Add to the mix the fact that I would weep when I thought about not being with Zadie in the long run.
Jeff and I broke up, it was hard and terrible and I was the one to initiate it. I'm sure I'll actually write more about it later. I have been writing about it, in notepad on the computer, heh. I have a backlog of various writings, none of them short with Jeff as subject. I rebounded with this dude named Nick Connell. I do that sometimes, use a person's whole name when I like them a whole lot. He and I didn't last super long and it was probably for the best.
During this time, I really embraced being poly and talking with B and Jon about being my partners. They agreed that it had felt that way already. And it does. I'm still not having sex with either of them (which doesn't mean that I don't want to, just not right now - you know, dynamics and stuff) but we are still very much partners. We raise a child together and the way each one of us adds to the family just makes it work. I love being a part of this, my life has never been this good or happy.
Being poly is so fucking wonderful. I think it really was all the baggage with Jeff that made it hard before. It can be hard at times, but it's so rare. Often I just feel so loved and adored by many people. It feels right.
But I digress - there will be oh so many updates now. Mainly I wanted to start writing again to cope with day to day things and adjust to the task of being with Zadie 40+ hours a week. I think it's going to be good, I really do, but I need to make sure to check in and reflect on the regular. In other news, I'm learning how to drive stick shift!