(no subject)
It seems more and more like all my posts are just objectional.. well not objectional, but more about happenings and events and less about thinking things through. I would really love to be able to think that I could say everything on my mind right now with nothing held back and have no regrets... but there are consiquences for the truth and for everyone knowing it, especially if it's only A truth but gets taken as THE truth.
Rachael called me tonight at about 12:30. Knowing that she knows that I have no reception in my house at that hour I was a bit worried that something might have happened, so I rushed to call her back. Thankfully nothing was in great disarray at the moment, though events loom ahead that might cause things to be that way. Damn College. I feel such empathy for what she's about to go through with Casey, but at the same time as it's a sad thing I have this nagging little voice that says,"haha, now you know how I feel." The thing is, that I know in reality I can't compare. The two of them have spent practically every day together since I left Michigan and I kind of have this little hope that maybe I had something to do with the two of them getting together. Whenever I hear either of them talking about the other or just hear them interacting together on the other end of the phone I have this bitter-sweet sadness mixed with immense joy that's just like: they have what I wish for. They have something that is so damn hard to find. I wish I could have a piece of it, just a little nibble, ya know?
(So.. Casey and Rachael... if you read this... don't mess it up! LOL)
The immense joy is that they're troopers. I just want to give them each a huge hug. I kinda feel like what they have right know is a huge step for people kind. They're not just one of those disgusting mushy "Oh baby, I wuvlle douvelle you Soooooooo much!" These two are the real thing.
Personally I would say that Sarah is the closest I've come to that feeling... I just wish that maybe there could be a tweek here and there, as I'm hella sure she woud say about me, too, lol. But you can't establish a relationship on that. It's all or nothing, you can't change people to conform to you.
I know I come off as a little bit of a player somtimes... hey, I like kissing, and now I'm paying the price... I may not be able to kiss a girl for 18 months... do you know what kind of hell that is!!!?? But what can I say? I think it will make me focus on the more important part of a relationship... love. Not that instant spark, persay, but that drive that makes you see someone else and care about them so much that you have this drive to say "No matter what we're going to do everything within our abilities to make this work!"
Without that it doesn't seem like a relationship would have much substance...
Here's where I would lose point on my philosophy papers:
Love is like me and my puppy. We piss the hell out of one another, testing each others limits. I stir sleep-drunk out of my bedroom to go to the bathroom and trip on her sleeping in the doorway, shake a fist, go pee and then stop on my way out to curl up next to her just to feel her warmth and listen to her breathing. (<-actually just happened)
(A few days earlier)I wake up from a mono-nap and waddle downstairs in my blanket to sit in the middle of the kitchen floor. My ears and throat are in such pain that I begin to cry. Kali searches her way through my mess of blankets to give me kisses and nest herself next to me as a gardian to protect me until I'm all better.
The thing is that this is all second nature.. you don't have to think of it as common courtesy or obligation.
I consider this to be hard-core love... and it's what romatic love requires to last. So... if you know the plot of 40 Days and 40 Nights, try about 540 Days and 540 Nights of being mono contagious.
Remember: all the ideas expressed in this livejournal are the sole responsability of Angst Pirate and are her personal views on life which, in no way, do she consider finite or universal except in her mind at the exact moment when these views are expressed. Understanding this... comment away.
Rachael called me tonight at about 12:30. Knowing that she knows that I have no reception in my house at that hour I was a bit worried that something might have happened, so I rushed to call her back. Thankfully nothing was in great disarray at the moment, though events loom ahead that might cause things to be that way. Damn College. I feel such empathy for what she's about to go through with Casey, but at the same time as it's a sad thing I have this nagging little voice that says,"haha, now you know how I feel." The thing is, that I know in reality I can't compare. The two of them have spent practically every day together since I left Michigan and I kind of have this little hope that maybe I had something to do with the two of them getting together. Whenever I hear either of them talking about the other or just hear them interacting together on the other end of the phone I have this bitter-sweet sadness mixed with immense joy that's just like: they have what I wish for. They have something that is so damn hard to find. I wish I could have a piece of it, just a little nibble, ya know?
(So.. Casey and Rachael... if you read this... don't mess it up! LOL)
The immense joy is that they're troopers. I just want to give them each a huge hug. I kinda feel like what they have right know is a huge step for people kind. They're not just one of those disgusting mushy "Oh baby, I wuvlle douvelle you Soooooooo much!" These two are the real thing.
Personally I would say that Sarah is the closest I've come to that feeling... I just wish that maybe there could be a tweek here and there, as I'm hella sure she woud say about me, too, lol. But you can't establish a relationship on that. It's all or nothing, you can't change people to conform to you.
I know I come off as a little bit of a player somtimes... hey, I like kissing, and now I'm paying the price... I may not be able to kiss a girl for 18 months... do you know what kind of hell that is!!!?? But what can I say? I think it will make me focus on the more important part of a relationship... love. Not that instant spark, persay, but that drive that makes you see someone else and care about them so much that you have this drive to say "No matter what we're going to do everything within our abilities to make this work!"
Without that it doesn't seem like a relationship would have much substance...
Here's where I would lose point on my philosophy papers:
Love is like me and my puppy. We piss the hell out of one another, testing each others limits. I stir sleep-drunk out of my bedroom to go to the bathroom and trip on her sleeping in the doorway, shake a fist, go pee and then stop on my way out to curl up next to her just to feel her warmth and listen to her breathing. (<-actually just happened)
(A few days earlier)I wake up from a mono-nap and waddle downstairs in my blanket to sit in the middle of the kitchen floor. My ears and throat are in such pain that I begin to cry. Kali searches her way through my mess of blankets to give me kisses and nest herself next to me as a gardian to protect me until I'm all better.
The thing is that this is all second nature.. you don't have to think of it as common courtesy or obligation.
I consider this to be hard-core love... and it's what romatic love requires to last. So... if you know the plot of 40 Days and 40 Nights, try about 540 Days and 540 Nights of being mono contagious.
Remember: all the ideas expressed in this livejournal are the sole responsability of Angst Pirate and are her personal views on life which, in no way, do she consider finite or universal except in her mind at the exact moment when these views are expressed. Understanding this... comment away.