Fishing for sharks with a baseball bat.

[angrysuburbaner]

The silence is deafening and the bed is cold. I think about you all the time. Your name rings in my ears every time someone asks about you and my cat keeps waiting on you to walk in the door. I can't believe I worked up the audacity to do this and now I must follow through... I must endure the pain and horror, fighting back vomit and tears thinking about worst case scenarios. Self medication isn't really a option anymore because it takes down these mental walls I put up to function. Maybe I truly am a glutton for punishment.

I take pictures down and put them back up. I'm pretty sure that the only thing I can do right is do things wrong anymore.

I'm fucking losing my mind,

I can't look anywhere in this goddamn room without being reminded of you. I even left your last message on the dry erase board for false hope. Praying that the words will still mean something sometime soon.

I miss the small talk and the laughs, I miss my best friend.

I miss your smell and your lips.

I miss they way I feel when I'm with you, I miss my lover. I miss being the big spoon all the time.

I just want you to want to. sleeping pills are kicking in...