(no subject)
i am still waiting for labor. its weird, having had a child before i know what kind of pain is coming. half the time i cant wait to get it over with, to have this baby. and the other half of the time, im scared. theres a lot of pain, and alot that can go wrong in labor. and then the whole needle in the spine thing too. thats the worst.
my due date is tomorrow. i got my super burst of energy on monday night. and the baby hasnt been moving alot since, enough not to worry, but not as often as before. which are all signs that the time is coming. bryan is out of town, in jacksonville working. and his work has been delayed for the psat 2 days, which means he wont be home until sunday or monday or even later. then hes off to lakeland after that. and i really want him here, for more than the obvious reasons. my mom is stressing me out. and i can see where she is coming from, but she is trying to force herself into the delivery room if bryan isnt here. but this is lynns turn. my mom was there for rory, and this time its lynn. and my mom has been using terms like "head coach". well its lynns turn. and besides my mom has talked mad shit about when i gave birth to rory, about how i was crying when i was pushing her out. well, shit, it fucking HURT!!! and my mom had 2 c - sections, so she doesnt know what its like doing it this way. lynn had 4 kids, all vaginal births, and 2 of those without anything for pain. i said lynn was going to be in there even before my dad died. im having 2 kids. have to be fair ya know.
i wish my dad was around. i really miss him, especially now. im reminded on a daily basis on how i still need him. we had our problems, and thats why he wasnt there when rory was born. shit he didnt even see her until she was 2 - 3 months old. i just wish he was still around. its going to be 6 months on the 19ht that hes been gone. its just so unreal. i still just cant believe it. its like hes just in jail again or something. like we're all jsut waiting for him to get out.
i am really wanting this baby out so that i can get back on my meds. i need them. especially since the whole 6 month thing is coming up. and my panic attacks are getting worse. and so are some other things. i need to get back on them asap.
hopefully the baby comes soon.
my due date is tomorrow. i got my super burst of energy on monday night. and the baby hasnt been moving alot since, enough not to worry, but not as often as before. which are all signs that the time is coming. bryan is out of town, in jacksonville working. and his work has been delayed for the psat 2 days, which means he wont be home until sunday or monday or even later. then hes off to lakeland after that. and i really want him here, for more than the obvious reasons. my mom is stressing me out. and i can see where she is coming from, but she is trying to force herself into the delivery room if bryan isnt here. but this is lynns turn. my mom was there for rory, and this time its lynn. and my mom has been using terms like "head coach". well its lynns turn. and besides my mom has talked mad shit about when i gave birth to rory, about how i was crying when i was pushing her out. well, shit, it fucking HURT!!! and my mom had 2 c - sections, so she doesnt know what its like doing it this way. lynn had 4 kids, all vaginal births, and 2 of those without anything for pain. i said lynn was going to be in there even before my dad died. im having 2 kids. have to be fair ya know.
i wish my dad was around. i really miss him, especially now. im reminded on a daily basis on how i still need him. we had our problems, and thats why he wasnt there when rory was born. shit he didnt even see her until she was 2 - 3 months old. i just wish he was still around. its going to be 6 months on the 19ht that hes been gone. its just so unreal. i still just cant believe it. its like hes just in jail again or something. like we're all jsut waiting for him to get out.
i am really wanting this baby out so that i can get back on my meds. i need them. especially since the whole 6 month thing is coming up. and my panic attacks are getting worse. and so are some other things. i need to get back on them asap.
hopefully the baby comes soon.