Sometimes I wish . . .
. . . I could be mired in minutia.
The general day-to-day talk that is the thing small-talk is made of.
I've tried having non-commital conversations with people . . . new people. Old people. Somehow it always turns into either an argument over some point of contention or into a deeper idea.
I don't know how this reads . . .
It's like . . . standing at Starbucks, right? And everybody is having a conversation about . . . let's call it sex. Now, honestly, I have very little to add to this conversation. Maybe I'm just too white bread when it comes to the discussion, but I really have nothing to offer. There's fetish, there's tactic, there's . . . hell, there's execution to discuss. But, not what really matters about sex. The why's and 'to what purposes' . . . of it.
I know that to actually digress as to WHY somebody is int BDSM, or, even the simple ideas of why oral feels good pyschologically as opposed to just physically is . . . taboo.
Or, movies for example. Now, I can bandy about actor names, movie titles, and the like with the best of them. Don't get me wrong. But . . . it always kind of seems pointless unless we're actually talking acting styles, meanings of the movie etc. etc. etc. Which is where this generally heads without even meaning to.
It just seems incredibly pointless to me unless there's some purpose to the discussion.
Now, that this tends to result in is . . . well, -D- and I are having coffee and there's nothing that's happened to us recently . . . so we sit there, sure, enjoying eachothers' company, but having relatively little to say because either I don't see the point in talking about it, or there's really just nothing to say.
Whenever I meet someone, I like to go for the heart really quick. Not, like, with a sword, or even in a violent manner . . . but I will dance upon their tripping tongue to literally build a dossier in my head of who they are. Where they're coming from. How best to either keep this person around or ditch them. And, over the years, I've gotten pretty good at it
But this doesn't make sitting next to a new person or a friend you've known for years and literally having nothing to say any easier. Or, the social ramifications of my lack of small talk any less real. IE, it's hard to be friends with somebody if you never talk to them. And, in a large way, the genesis of friendship is mainly in that very minutia.
Friendship isn't born of drive, or actual conscious ideas to achieve friendship with a person. It's born in long afternoons over latte. Because there's nothing else left to do. In discussing things that don't really matter, and avoiding that which does. Because, god help you if you demonstrate something real too soon into the friendship. Suddenly you become damaged, or, more commonly with myself, simply scary.
All this because I can't small talk. Maybe it's just a dance to which I haven't learned the steps. Maybe I simply don't want to because life is too short.
Eh. Steam ran out.
Should probably get ready for work.
Freakin' One-hour. *Grr*
-M-
The general day-to-day talk that is the thing small-talk is made of.
I've tried having non-commital conversations with people . . . new people. Old people. Somehow it always turns into either an argument over some point of contention or into a deeper idea.
I don't know how this reads . . .
It's like . . . standing at Starbucks, right? And everybody is having a conversation about . . . let's call it sex. Now, honestly, I have very little to add to this conversation. Maybe I'm just too white bread when it comes to the discussion, but I really have nothing to offer. There's fetish, there's tactic, there's . . . hell, there's execution to discuss. But, not what really matters about sex. The why's and 'to what purposes' . . . of it.
I know that to actually digress as to WHY somebody is int BDSM, or, even the simple ideas of why oral feels good pyschologically as opposed to just physically is . . . taboo.
Or, movies for example. Now, I can bandy about actor names, movie titles, and the like with the best of them. Don't get me wrong. But . . . it always kind of seems pointless unless we're actually talking acting styles, meanings of the movie etc. etc. etc. Which is where this generally heads without even meaning to.
It just seems incredibly pointless to me unless there's some purpose to the discussion.
Now, that this tends to result in is . . . well, -D- and I are having coffee and there's nothing that's happened to us recently . . . so we sit there, sure, enjoying eachothers' company, but having relatively little to say because either I don't see the point in talking about it, or there's really just nothing to say.
Whenever I meet someone, I like to go for the heart really quick. Not, like, with a sword, or even in a violent manner . . . but I will dance upon their tripping tongue to literally build a dossier in my head of who they are. Where they're coming from. How best to either keep this person around or ditch them. And, over the years, I've gotten pretty good at it
But this doesn't make sitting next to a new person or a friend you've known for years and literally having nothing to say any easier. Or, the social ramifications of my lack of small talk any less real. IE, it's hard to be friends with somebody if you never talk to them. And, in a large way, the genesis of friendship is mainly in that very minutia.
Friendship isn't born of drive, or actual conscious ideas to achieve friendship with a person. It's born in long afternoons over latte. Because there's nothing else left to do. In discussing things that don't really matter, and avoiding that which does. Because, god help you if you demonstrate something real too soon into the friendship. Suddenly you become damaged, or, more commonly with myself, simply scary.
All this because I can't small talk. Maybe it's just a dance to which I haven't learned the steps. Maybe I simply don't want to because life is too short.
Eh. Steam ran out.
Should probably get ready for work.
Freakin' One-hour. *Grr*
-M-