(no subject)
I WONDER if anne boyer ever actively avoids writing the way i do. it resonated with me so much when katya said that thing ABOUT JUST doing literally anything else than you the thing you need to, or whatever.
took photos of today,charlie finally called last night to update me on her life. we had a very good conversation and i tried my damndest to listen as a friend of hers from high school died in an accident horrifically influenced by alchohol consumption. what a robotic way to convey that. it just happened...
took photos of nathan today and i guess my new thing is doing my little meth stash and providing the unassuming friend (i say this like its a huge pattern ongoing but its just been nathan and charlie and thats valid right) supplying them with adderrall, i mean, hello,heres the legal meth, get on my level. solve all the worlds problems. we get very little done, i mean, actually i think its pretty substantially productive for them. im tired. at 31 you cannot binge and have a full time job. you must sleep. codependency is so much nagging at my entire being, wondering if the pillars of all of my relationships have been this fucking faulty and insecure and really unable to withstand basic human healthy separations and wow so much writing stays in my fucking head i cant get any of this out right now....
nathan says hes sso frustrated there is not a universal language. one thing during the motley crue myriad of stimulant stipulations. alliteration is not good...stop. anyway i thought this was such an interesting concept rto feel so strongly about... i think my bose headphones are on the way, but food stamps? idk... i need to get nathan his for sure. and his damn stimulus, fucxkery. im exhausted and life is something else. nathan virtually begging me to ask him for rides and its very kind. im not sure ive ever felt this comfortable with a dude before,...idk something different about it. certainly not one ive worked with, except mitch. and we know how that goes. i think the strength of relationships is so much championed by the sharing of trauma. i also have to remember what he said about the vest at dirt cheap, a formal looking black vest for a child attending a fancy choir recital or something, you know, stained across the front with something murky and white...he held it up across his chest and turned to face me, "this just screams pedofilia" i always spell that incorrectly...anyway, back to charlie. texted a smidgen earlier after she had reached out for coffee and i didn't respond. i love her. i just need
took photos of today,charlie finally called last night to update me on her life. we had a very good conversation and i tried my damndest to listen as a friend of hers from high school died in an accident horrifically influenced by alchohol consumption. what a robotic way to convey that. it just happened...
took photos of nathan today and i guess my new thing is doing my little meth stash and providing the unassuming friend (i say this like its a huge pattern ongoing but its just been nathan and charlie and thats valid right) supplying them with adderrall, i mean, hello,heres the legal meth, get on my level. solve all the worlds problems. we get very little done, i mean, actually i think its pretty substantially productive for them. im tired. at 31 you cannot binge and have a full time job. you must sleep. codependency is so much nagging at my entire being, wondering if the pillars of all of my relationships have been this fucking faulty and insecure and really unable to withstand basic human healthy separations and wow so much writing stays in my fucking head i cant get any of this out right now....
nathan says hes sso frustrated there is not a universal language. one thing during the motley crue myriad of stimulant stipulations. alliteration is not good...stop. anyway i thought this was such an interesting concept rto feel so strongly about... i think my bose headphones are on the way, but food stamps? idk... i need to get nathan his for sure. and his damn stimulus, fucxkery. im exhausted and life is something else. nathan virtually begging me to ask him for rides and its very kind. im not sure ive ever felt this comfortable with a dude before,...idk something different about it. certainly not one ive worked with, except mitch. and we know how that goes. i think the strength of relationships is so much championed by the sharing of trauma. i also have to remember what he said about the vest at dirt cheap, a formal looking black vest for a child attending a fancy choir recital or something, you know, stained across the front with something murky and white...he held it up across his chest and turned to face me, "this just screams pedofilia" i always spell that incorrectly...anyway, back to charlie. texted a smidgen earlier after she had reached out for coffee and i didn't respond. i love her. i just need