The End of An Era: My Apartment...

[angry_youth]

Well...I'm moving. I'm giving up everything that I've worked to keep here. I need out. Dave tells me that it's a good choice for me, and at certain moments, it does feel like a good choice, but at the same time I feel like a complete and total failure. I've had nothing but roomates that manipulate and depend on me because they are irresponsible and lazy. When a bill is due and they don't have the money, it's me that they depend on. When the house is a mess and they don't feel like cleaning it, it's me they depend on. And I'm so SICK TO DEATH of being the responsible one. I have my own shit to deal with. I don't need to be the one to stand over everyone else and babysit. It's done. I'm leaving. I'll be out by August 1st. Where I'm moving to you ask? A place that no one would guess. I'm moving with my sister, Michele, in Greece. I wont be there long. Maybe a year or so, until Dave and I take the next step and get a place together. It'll help me save money. I wont be working only to pay the bills and survive. Dave and I will be able to take trips and do things that we've talked about. My $250 rent plus utilities will be taken down to about $135 and that includes everything. I'll also be about 3 minutes from the lake, which is a big thing for me. It's one of the only things that would take me back to Wolcott for a visit. It was my escape when the the world was crashing down, and I don't have a place like that here. I don't have anything here. As much as I love this apartment, it isn't home. It isn't even close. I'll be with my parents again, and as hard as that's been in the past, I need them closer. There are drawbacks that I'm sure I'm not considering, but I don't care at this point. It'll give me a chance to catch up on some bills (being that a particular roomate refuses to give me the $200 that she owes me that would've taken care of that months ago.) And I wont be as stressed about how I'm going to get the bills paid if my hours get cut. Less stress would lessen the tension between Dave and I as well. We're doing great, but all of my problems aren't fair to him and our relationship. I'm so amazed to have him. I fall in love with him more and more every day. And even though my past still haunts me, I'm begining to feel that I can completely dive in and love him with all that I have. I'm getting over the fear of him just up and leaving. I know he's better than that. He's got an amazing heart, and I'm so thankful to be the one that he's loving with it.

On that note, I need to get ready for work.
xoxox//Billie