More Mindless Ramblings..

[angry_youth]

I really enjoyed my horoscope today. =] Here’s a snip from it: Don't be afraid to dream in color. And with sound. Wishes are meant to come true. If you honor your wishes with your thoughts, fantasies and imagination, then anything is surely possible. It seemed to brighten my day a bit. Anyways, school is winding down and believe it or not, I’m not really stressed about classes so much. I withdrew from my environmental science class because the best grade I’d receive is a C. I know that I can do so much better than that, so I’ll repeat the course next spring with a different professor to see how it goes. I didn’t drop below full time so I won’t have to pay for the course. I also don’t have to be here until 2pm on Tuesdays and Thursdays now. I seem to see more perks in dropping the course than sticking through it and getting a crappy grade only to end up repeating the course anyways. I should’ve withdrawn sooner. I wish that my classes got out sooner. I mean, after graduating from high school at the end of June, I’m very lucky to be out by the end of May, however, many of my friends are out either this week or next, and for once I’m beginning to feel homesick. I just want to see Tonja and others and not have to worry about homework. I really need to get a hold of Jen and find out if she’s found a place for this summer or not. As much as I don’t want to, I’m going to end up transferring back home if I can’t find a place to live. That seems to be my only stressor. It was pushed into higher priority yesterday when I went “home” to find that Ro’s brother is going to be moving in as soon as I leave, if not before…so the pressure is on me to get out of there. I feel so bad that I stayed there in the first place. They helped me out so much, but it seems like her and Todd can’t ever get any peace. There’s always someone moving in when someone is moving out. If all works out, I’d like to take them out for a nice dinner as a thank you. It just is all going to depend on my financial status at the time. Speaking of jobs and money, after work tonight Danielle and I are going to head over to the mall so I can drop off a few more applications and check on some that are already there. I really need a summer job. I really want to work at Marshalls, and Mary keeps telling me that I’ll get the job, but we’ll see. I don’t want to get my hopes up yet. On a side note, I found out yesterday that I was accepted into the Peer Mentors for next fall (another reason for me not wanting to leave) and I was so excited to hear the news. I guess I assumed I was in already, but to actually hear it I was ecstatic. I already have a few ideas for programs and Danielle told me that she’d help. I feel like her and I never talk anymore, not that we’re drifting, but we both just have so much to do right now that our breaks never coincide with each other. I really hope that working with her next year will bring us back to the point where we were. Wow. Look at all that I’ve spilled out already. I really should be typing up a paper that’s due tomorrow, but it’ll give me something to do tonight I suppose. I miss Jared. I had another great weekend with him and it’s making me realize just how badly I want him in my life. I know that there are things that I need to take care of to better myself (college, jobs, etc.) but I want him to share the great moments with me. I hate how when I sit at home and watch tv or listen to music on the computer, thoughts of him just linger. It seems like I can take any minute thing and recall some sort of memory with him, or lyrics will twist themselves into a role of our relationship. People keep asking me if we’re back together, and I honestly don’t know what to tell them. We act like we are. We really haven’t changed at all. I was too scared to bring up the topic last weekend and ruin everything. I need to know, I yearn to know, but I think maybe that I’m scared of the answer. I guess I just need to keep focus on finishing school and take each day as it comes. It’s easier said than done, but I need to do it. I wish I could hear his voice right now. I’m just in one of those moods where I need him to make me laugh. Ugh..I started this in a good mood…where did I go wrong? I need to think about my trip. That’ll lift my spirits. I can’t wait to go white-water rafting. I’ve never been before so I guess I’m kind of anxious as to what will happen. I have to pack tonight so that’ll keep me from moping..at least for a little while. It will definitely be a good time for us all to relax and not worry about school. Next week is Spring Fling and you can bet your butt that I can’t wait to bash the crap out of that car. I need to release the tension that’s been building for so long.

Ok, I’m going to get going and put some finishing touches on my applications and maybe even review some sign language.
Have a nice evening everyone.

xoxox Billie