(no subject)

[angry_youth]

god..where do I begin? I'm in college now..living on campus. It started off great, but now I miss home. I miss my mom and my dad and...Jared. I wish he felt the same. Some bullshit got around and back to him and he told me that he never wanted to see me or hear from me again. I never even got a chance to say anything. That made me feel like he didn't care what I had to say. It hurts so much. I'm always on the verge of crying..and I can't eat very much of anything. I'm a wreck. I want to talk to him face to face, but I know things are really over this time. What are you supposed to do when everything in your life that matters, is ripped away from you in an instant? There's no one there to help you pick up your pieces and move on. God I'm lost without him. I can't wait to go home tomorrow. I mean, I like it here, but I just want to go home for a while. This is too much for me to handle all at once. And I hate how there isn't anyone here for me to talk to. All of my friends are in college..they don't have time for me anymore. I mean, I have my roomates and they are great, but they don't know my history, they don't know much about me at all..and I really don't want to tell them my entire life story to get advice that I'd hate to hear anyways. I hate how I'm out in the city, and I can't just go drive and let out my sadness and frustration, I have to save gas. Everything is so much more expensive now. I definately took advantage of living at home. Ugh..I don't even know what to write. I just need to do something so I don't keep crying. I wish I could take back the last 5 or so years of my life, and do them again, but do them right. With Jared in my life, I'm a lost cause. He's the only person I'm dependant on, and now he's gone. I can't even look at his picture without crying. Every time I see an eclipse, I see his face all giddy. The only thing I could turn to, is music, and it seems like every song I listen to, is about him. Ugh..what am I going to do??

Well, I'm going to go for now, and attempt some homework..hopefully tomorrow morning will fly by, and I can be home before I know it.

Leave something sweet. I need it desperately right now.