I'll Stand Solid While The Paradigm Is Shifting ...
Where to begin ...
I guess at the begining would be the best place, no?
I didn't ask to be a mod at FFU. Aeris asked me, from what I understand, after Shakeystephens told her he thought I would do well.
Shakey and Aeris, thanks for thinking I would do a good job ... even if neither of you ever read this, you guys were great.
At first, the job was pretty easy, just sign in, close a thing or two, drop a warning here or there ... then off the to the babble board. I liked it. I enjoyed it.
Then came the 'Capn Action Debacle.' Talk about a change of current ... after that everything changed. Aeris was hardly able to sign into FFU at first. She said that everytime she did, she would just cry. Then the REALLY hard stuff started popping up, and it was all looking more and more like a big hoax. That's when the detective work started as well. Aeris and Admin were checking IP addresses, chat logs, they were going over phone numbers and e-mail addresses. However thorough a job Dh and the boys over at FFO thought they were doing ... Aeris and Admin were doing twice that. It was a thing of wonder really. They were determined to get to the bottom of it all. They just had to make sure that everything they told FFU in the end was total and complete fact. It would do no good to put out half-truths only to have them thrown back as being poor investigation later.
Then came the infamous chat log. To anyone who recognized it as such, it was a thing of beauty. Aeris completely punked Capn Action/Aias out. And she did it perfectly. That log bought her the time she needed to finish running her checks, and also provided a window for Aias to come clean. I could finish fleecing Call for FFO's information, Aeris could double-check FFO's investigations, as well as her own, and Aias had the chance to come clean. Then we could take all the facts, all the information ... the whole story could be taken to FFU, and it could have ended right then and there. It was the perfect damage control.
Then the log got leaked by, who was at the time, the most unlikely of people. I honostly believe that crushed Aeris worse than anything that Aias did, but that is mostly just guessing. When the log went out, it through everything to dust. See, what the general population didn't know was how careful Aeris was being. She was playing Capn Action for time, but all everyone else saw was the Capn and Aeris cooberating togather to keep things going another couple of days. Everyone made a big deal about how FFO put everything up right away. They didn't. FFO still waited 12 hours before making their announcement. They knew, just like Aeris, Admin, WarAngel, and I knew that everything had to be checked. Unfortunatly, the log being leaked changed everything.
There was no way we could wait for everything to be checked before going public. Damage Control became almost impossible ... all we could do was finish up everything for our own knowledge, and hope that everyone would be rational when all the facts came out.
That didn't get us very far of course.
Right after everything became known, Aeris went into hiding for a bit, and I really can't blame her at all. She was emotionally torn from the Capn Action thing, and then by a betrayal that was most bitter to her ... all us mods were in a state of disarray ... So I did what I thought needed to be done to get things back on track. I started asserting myself. I made sure that the things that needed to be done got done. I figured it wouldn't last for to long, that Aeris would be back after a bit ... then she took off on her convention tour, and things just stretched longer.
The "Ody's Last Thread [NOW A VERY IMPORTANT DEBATE]" thing was the next major occurance. I signed on to FFU after being gone for about a day and a half and had about 10 PMs ... I checked them and they were all about the same thing ... Athene, and WarAngel both sent me PMs telling me not to flip out ... then I actually saw the thread. WoW! Talk about your random stupidity.
I didn't even read the whole thing at first, I just looked through and tried to get the jist of everything. I did my best to ignor the slighting comments towards myself that were made mostly by Kali ... which I could never care less about what Kali thought anyway, he always seemed to be the first to jump on the rebellion bandwagon. I think it's just his nature to "go against the man" it would of course help if he made a sensical argument, but I guess that is beside the point as far as he is concerned. ... I mainly just read the actual problems that people had that came from both the members and the mods, and I realized that nothing had been decided in the least. The other mods had drawn their lines, and the members had drawn theirs. So I made my big long post trying to address as many issues as possible, and I called for a vote on banning Aias. I think it was Athene that lead the charge on banning him, but dead honostly, the guy hadn't done anything but lie and get caught. Now obviously he put some people through some emotional tramua, and he hurt a lot of people, but that is the risk you take when you get involved with anyone, even when it's on the internet. I couldn't ban the guy for wanting to be something that he wasn't. So I presented the best damned case I could for not banning him.
I guess I made a lot of sense to the other mods and for the most part, they agreed with me. Aias was not banned. ... and this is when I started walking the line.
That was when I realized just how crazed things were. This debate over Aias, and over how the mods oporated almost consumed me. It was completely illogical to me. How could things have gotten this unsturdy?
I realized then that shakey was right. I needed to stand back a bit, and be as detached as I could ... only for different reasons. Yes, being detached would help me to moderate, but it would also help me find an equalibrium between the net and my real life. I had become way to addicted to FFU, and I had to get unhooked quickly.
I started to post less and less. I tried to listen a bit more closely to the concerns of the members, and also that of the mods. It was quickly obvious to Licken, but he didn't really understand why I was doing it all ... to be honost, I couldn't tell him everything. If I did, it would keep me just as wrapped in. I started going much easier on the members. When I posted or got on to someone, it was always a courteyous, but strict warning.
The mods started telling me that I was different ... and of course I was. I was pulling back and trying to change my moderation style to something that was far different from what it had been ... from what they were accustomed too ... and for a couple of them, different from what they wanted it to be.
I became less hated by the members, but hated by the mods. I think this is when my days at FFU became truly numbered.
Man oh man ... I was careful. I took in everything I could from the members, and tried to temper it with the mods. It worked for a little while. For about a month everything was hunky-dorey.
Some of the members that had hated me began to respect me again, the mods were slowly begining to acclimate to my new style ... Aeris had even showed up and changed and added a few things. I thought that maybe everything was finally going to work itself out.
Boy was I wrong. Turns out, shakey and Athene had been doing some research, but I was shocked to never see an IP trace or anything. I really don't know how long they were doing this, and frankly, at the time I didn't concern myself with it. I just wanted everyone to freaking drop it.
Then Aias had to make that god-aweful post. Stir things up with the people who already were merely tolerating him.
I find it funny how words can be twisted to turn them into what you want to hear when you have a hatred for someone or something. The people who didn't like Aias did a good job of that. Some of my words got twisted and everyone thought Aias was free game. When people started talking to him, they refused to listen to what he had to say, they just wanted him to tell him what they wanted him to tell them. That is what happened with Athene's precious chat log.
There wasn't a single damned fact in that whole mess of a conversation. Hell, she never even ran an IP search. Had she run one of those, just about everything could have been laid to rest right then and there.
I had the worst flash-back of when Shakey leaked the log to "Teh IRC CREW" only this time, it was Athene to "Teh Posse" ... it's creapy how things repeat themselves sometime. Someone who doesn't understand the need for checking and being careful with sensitive information comes into some, and then they give it to the very people who want nothing more than to inflame the situation to make more drama to give their lives a bit of meaning. It's sick. Totally sick.
Nothing was handled the way it should have been, and what's worse ... they didn't want it handled the way it should have been. They didn't want facts or reason, they just wanted to hear what they wanted to hear so they could perform their little lynching in hopes that it would give them some sick form of pleasure. I called it a witch-hunt. Athene said that was harsh ... but what else do you call it when people ignor facts, ignor the reasonable course of action, work strictly on an unbridaled hate of something they refuse to understand, and then call it a just and righteous act. It was a witch-hunt. And it makes me sick that I couldn't do a thing to stop it.
I tried to reason my way through things in the mod forum a few days later, I tried to explain everything out to Athene Miranda from the begining, but she really didn't care at all. She just sort of laughed it off and turned my perfectly logical explination into a personal slight ... which tends to be what I do when I'm losing an argument, so she was probably doing the exact same thing.
Course, I had already realized that FFU was totally not worth it anymore. I know a few people will jump me for saying this ... if anyone reads this ... but IT IS THE FREAKING INTERNET PEOPLE! GET OVER IT! There is no need for all the hate, for all the drama, for the attachment ... I mean really ... There is a big world out there, with a lot to offer. Is it that fearsome for everyone? Is it so bad that you have to replace the solid world for one where you can never be sure who you are talking to? Are the masks of the people you play so important to you that it's easier to lay them on in this world of user-names and little pictures than it is to lay them down and take on the world outside who might see through them?
I'll be real. Most of the people I've met online, I like. They are good people for the most part ... but I also realize that most of them, and at one point not to long ago, myself, are filled with fear of the world outside. They seem to think that the world outside doesn't understand them, but what they miss is that the longer they stay on these little boxes ... the more the world will not understand. Or at least, the more you think the world will not understand. Break free people, I beg you. Don't allow yourselves to remain stuck in this. You've got to become aware that there is nothing solid, and nothing permanent about this, it's not worthy of your tears.
I'm off to bigger and better things. Thank you everyone for the good times and the bad ... but in the grand scheme of things, I understand now that they will be trivial in my real life.
Good Luck to you all.
-Daniel
I guess at the begining would be the best place, no?
I didn't ask to be a mod at FFU. Aeris asked me, from what I understand, after Shakeystephens told her he thought I would do well.
Shakey and Aeris, thanks for thinking I would do a good job ... even if neither of you ever read this, you guys were great.
At first, the job was pretty easy, just sign in, close a thing or two, drop a warning here or there ... then off the to the babble board. I liked it. I enjoyed it.
Then came the 'Capn Action Debacle.' Talk about a change of current ... after that everything changed. Aeris was hardly able to sign into FFU at first. She said that everytime she did, she would just cry. Then the REALLY hard stuff started popping up, and it was all looking more and more like a big hoax. That's when the detective work started as well. Aeris and Admin were checking IP addresses, chat logs, they were going over phone numbers and e-mail addresses. However thorough a job Dh and the boys over at FFO thought they were doing ... Aeris and Admin were doing twice that. It was a thing of wonder really. They were determined to get to the bottom of it all. They just had to make sure that everything they told FFU in the end was total and complete fact. It would do no good to put out half-truths only to have them thrown back as being poor investigation later.
Then came the infamous chat log. To anyone who recognized it as such, it was a thing of beauty. Aeris completely punked Capn Action/Aias out. And she did it perfectly. That log bought her the time she needed to finish running her checks, and also provided a window for Aias to come clean. I could finish fleecing Call for FFO's information, Aeris could double-check FFO's investigations, as well as her own, and Aias had the chance to come clean. Then we could take all the facts, all the information ... the whole story could be taken to FFU, and it could have ended right then and there. It was the perfect damage control.
Then the log got leaked by, who was at the time, the most unlikely of people. I honostly believe that crushed Aeris worse than anything that Aias did, but that is mostly just guessing. When the log went out, it through everything to dust. See, what the general population didn't know was how careful Aeris was being. She was playing Capn Action for time, but all everyone else saw was the Capn and Aeris cooberating togather to keep things going another couple of days. Everyone made a big deal about how FFO put everything up right away. They didn't. FFO still waited 12 hours before making their announcement. They knew, just like Aeris, Admin, WarAngel, and I knew that everything had to be checked. Unfortunatly, the log being leaked changed everything.
There was no way we could wait for everything to be checked before going public. Damage Control became almost impossible ... all we could do was finish up everything for our own knowledge, and hope that everyone would be rational when all the facts came out.
That didn't get us very far of course.
Right after everything became known, Aeris went into hiding for a bit, and I really can't blame her at all. She was emotionally torn from the Capn Action thing, and then by a betrayal that was most bitter to her ... all us mods were in a state of disarray ... So I did what I thought needed to be done to get things back on track. I started asserting myself. I made sure that the things that needed to be done got done. I figured it wouldn't last for to long, that Aeris would be back after a bit ... then she took off on her convention tour, and things just stretched longer.
The "Ody's Last Thread [NOW A VERY IMPORTANT DEBATE]" thing was the next major occurance. I signed on to FFU after being gone for about a day and a half and had about 10 PMs ... I checked them and they were all about the same thing ... Athene, and WarAngel both sent me PMs telling me not to flip out ... then I actually saw the thread. WoW! Talk about your random stupidity.
I didn't even read the whole thing at first, I just looked through and tried to get the jist of everything. I did my best to ignor the slighting comments towards myself that were made mostly by Kali ... which I could never care less about what Kali thought anyway, he always seemed to be the first to jump on the rebellion bandwagon. I think it's just his nature to "go against the man" it would of course help if he made a sensical argument, but I guess that is beside the point as far as he is concerned. ... I mainly just read the actual problems that people had that came from both the members and the mods, and I realized that nothing had been decided in the least. The other mods had drawn their lines, and the members had drawn theirs. So I made my big long post trying to address as many issues as possible, and I called for a vote on banning Aias. I think it was Athene that lead the charge on banning him, but dead honostly, the guy hadn't done anything but lie and get caught. Now obviously he put some people through some emotional tramua, and he hurt a lot of people, but that is the risk you take when you get involved with anyone, even when it's on the internet. I couldn't ban the guy for wanting to be something that he wasn't. So I presented the best damned case I could for not banning him.
I guess I made a lot of sense to the other mods and for the most part, they agreed with me. Aias was not banned. ... and this is when I started walking the line.
That was when I realized just how crazed things were. This debate over Aias, and over how the mods oporated almost consumed me. It was completely illogical to me. How could things have gotten this unsturdy?
I realized then that shakey was right. I needed to stand back a bit, and be as detached as I could ... only for different reasons. Yes, being detached would help me to moderate, but it would also help me find an equalibrium between the net and my real life. I had become way to addicted to FFU, and I had to get unhooked quickly.
I started to post less and less. I tried to listen a bit more closely to the concerns of the members, and also that of the mods. It was quickly obvious to Licken, but he didn't really understand why I was doing it all ... to be honost, I couldn't tell him everything. If I did, it would keep me just as wrapped in. I started going much easier on the members. When I posted or got on to someone, it was always a courteyous, but strict warning.
The mods started telling me that I was different ... and of course I was. I was pulling back and trying to change my moderation style to something that was far different from what it had been ... from what they were accustomed too ... and for a couple of them, different from what they wanted it to be.
I became less hated by the members, but hated by the mods. I think this is when my days at FFU became truly numbered.
Man oh man ... I was careful. I took in everything I could from the members, and tried to temper it with the mods. It worked for a little while. For about a month everything was hunky-dorey.
Some of the members that had hated me began to respect me again, the mods were slowly begining to acclimate to my new style ... Aeris had even showed up and changed and added a few things. I thought that maybe everything was finally going to work itself out.
Boy was I wrong. Turns out, shakey and Athene had been doing some research, but I was shocked to never see an IP trace or anything. I really don't know how long they were doing this, and frankly, at the time I didn't concern myself with it. I just wanted everyone to freaking drop it.
Then Aias had to make that god-aweful post. Stir things up with the people who already were merely tolerating him.
I find it funny how words can be twisted to turn them into what you want to hear when you have a hatred for someone or something. The people who didn't like Aias did a good job of that. Some of my words got twisted and everyone thought Aias was free game. When people started talking to him, they refused to listen to what he had to say, they just wanted him to tell him what they wanted him to tell them. That is what happened with Athene's precious chat log.
There wasn't a single damned fact in that whole mess of a conversation. Hell, she never even ran an IP search. Had she run one of those, just about everything could have been laid to rest right then and there.
I had the worst flash-back of when Shakey leaked the log to "Teh IRC CREW" only this time, it was Athene to "Teh Posse" ... it's creapy how things repeat themselves sometime. Someone who doesn't understand the need for checking and being careful with sensitive information comes into some, and then they give it to the very people who want nothing more than to inflame the situation to make more drama to give their lives a bit of meaning. It's sick. Totally sick.
Nothing was handled the way it should have been, and what's worse ... they didn't want it handled the way it should have been. They didn't want facts or reason, they just wanted to hear what they wanted to hear so they could perform their little lynching in hopes that it would give them some sick form of pleasure. I called it a witch-hunt. Athene said that was harsh ... but what else do you call it when people ignor facts, ignor the reasonable course of action, work strictly on an unbridaled hate of something they refuse to understand, and then call it a just and righteous act. It was a witch-hunt. And it makes me sick that I couldn't do a thing to stop it.
I tried to reason my way through things in the mod forum a few days later, I tried to explain everything out to Athene Miranda from the begining, but she really didn't care at all. She just sort of laughed it off and turned my perfectly logical explination into a personal slight ... which tends to be what I do when I'm losing an argument, so she was probably doing the exact same thing.
Course, I had already realized that FFU was totally not worth it anymore. I know a few people will jump me for saying this ... if anyone reads this ... but IT IS THE FREAKING INTERNET PEOPLE! GET OVER IT! There is no need for all the hate, for all the drama, for the attachment ... I mean really ... There is a big world out there, with a lot to offer. Is it that fearsome for everyone? Is it so bad that you have to replace the solid world for one where you can never be sure who you are talking to? Are the masks of the people you play so important to you that it's easier to lay them on in this world of user-names and little pictures than it is to lay them down and take on the world outside who might see through them?
I'll be real. Most of the people I've met online, I like. They are good people for the most part ... but I also realize that most of them, and at one point not to long ago, myself, are filled with fear of the world outside. They seem to think that the world outside doesn't understand them, but what they miss is that the longer they stay on these little boxes ... the more the world will not understand. Or at least, the more you think the world will not understand. Break free people, I beg you. Don't allow yourselves to remain stuck in this. You've got to become aware that there is nothing solid, and nothing permanent about this, it's not worthy of your tears.
I'm off to bigger and better things. Thank you everyone for the good times and the bad ... but in the grand scheme of things, I understand now that they will be trivial in my real life.
Good Luck to you all.
-Daniel