(no subject)
Sometimes I hate the whole system. You know what I'm fucking saying. I hate it all. The powerlessness, the pointless expectations, the hate, the ambiguity. A combination of it all is wearing me down. ITs carving away at me like a cheese grater to my soul.
The powerlessness is the worst. Every problem in my life could be resolved, if I was in control of it. But I suppose I'm half a person. Well, I guess I'm less than that, because what are you, if you don't control your future? Because that's who you are, right? You're your future. Everything you do now is in preparation for who you're about to be. You drink that beer so you'll be drunk in the future. You eat, so you won't be hungry in the future. You're perpetually sculpting the man who you are. The combination of these actions is the sum that equals the person. So if I no control over these actions, then I am not a man. I'm an extension of my parents. And extention of the system of this society, and its expectiations and comparisons of success. I suppose that I do my homework, read my books, and write in my journal. I suppose that I eat right, and work out.
All of these things are a sum that equal a success. My future is to be successful. So why don't I feel like a success?
Things have been okay I suppose. I just kinda sit around and play guitar. I've written a few songs, but I don't know how good they'll sound until I get home and layer them up. I need to download some drum tracks.
Yesterday I went out with Katrina, to the city. It was a really fun time actually. I bought some cool shirts, and we went to this cool bar and watched this really average australian indie-popish band. We then returned to my house and played Halo.
Last night I went to bed at 4pm, and woke up at 12am. Then I went to bed at 4am, and woke up at 3pm. Strange.
Tomorrow: King Kong with the brother.
I really need some new music. I haven't had much time to listen, over the past few weeks, though. I really need to find something new, and interesting. I remember when I first found indie pop. It was like nothing I've ever really heard before. Now, ever band in that vein sounds fundamentally similar, and its too grating to put any real time into them. I need something new, and something different. Leave a band, if you actually read this, because I am kinda stuck in a rut.
Seeya guys.
Andrew Jones.
The powerlessness is the worst. Every problem in my life could be resolved, if I was in control of it. But I suppose I'm half a person. Well, I guess I'm less than that, because what are you, if you don't control your future? Because that's who you are, right? You're your future. Everything you do now is in preparation for who you're about to be. You drink that beer so you'll be drunk in the future. You eat, so you won't be hungry in the future. You're perpetually sculpting the man who you are. The combination of these actions is the sum that equals the person. So if I no control over these actions, then I am not a man. I'm an extension of my parents. And extention of the system of this society, and its expectiations and comparisons of success. I suppose that I do my homework, read my books, and write in my journal. I suppose that I eat right, and work out.
All of these things are a sum that equal a success. My future is to be successful. So why don't I feel like a success?
Things have been okay I suppose. I just kinda sit around and play guitar. I've written a few songs, but I don't know how good they'll sound until I get home and layer them up. I need to download some drum tracks.
Yesterday I went out with Katrina, to the city. It was a really fun time actually. I bought some cool shirts, and we went to this cool bar and watched this really average australian indie-popish band. We then returned to my house and played Halo.
Last night I went to bed at 4pm, and woke up at 12am. Then I went to bed at 4am, and woke up at 3pm. Strange.
Tomorrow: King Kong with the brother.
I really need some new music. I haven't had much time to listen, over the past few weeks, though. I really need to find something new, and interesting. I remember when I first found indie pop. It was like nothing I've ever really heard before. Now, ever band in that vein sounds fundamentally similar, and its too grating to put any real time into them. I need something new, and something different. Leave a band, if you actually read this, because I am kinda stuck in a rut.
Seeya guys.
Andrew Jones.