Mornin (Codiasi)
Title Mornin
Author angrbooa
Pairing hints at Codiasi
Summary Cody has a nervous breakdown and is lost in sad thoughts...what if YOU are the source of your own problems?
Words 2079
Disclaimers Not mine, not at all. Codys private thoughts and his private personality are none of my business and I don't know them. It's all fiction.
Warnings: Bad language and sadness. No sex (WHAT?) [and bad english]
Author’s Notes
First fanfiction of Codiasi.
First fanfiction of wrestling.
First fanfiction in english.
I know there are a lot of mistakes. Please name them, but be kind. Not everybody is a native speaker. Also, this is based on a true situation. This has (partly) happened.
Posted on codiasi
Dedication lady_tavington ❤
They say night is the darkest right before dawn.
What if there is no dawn, no morning? What if all hope is just gone, because the problem isn't something you could fight against? When you are the problem...
Codys whole body shivered. Not because of the cold air, but because he was crying so hard. He was crying so hard that he had difficulties breathing, murmuring "Why god, why am I like this??"
Earlier...The day had such a great beginning:
Cody breathed in the cold, fresh morning air. He was sure that this day would be different. This day he'd impress the trainer. This day would be good. He was in a great mood, not least because the sun was shining after sunless winter months. Man, that sucked about travelling. Most of the countries were fucking cold and sunless. Waaaaaay too cold and sunless for him.
With a smile on his face he entered the arena. When he saw his trainer, his heart sunk a bit and he prepared himself for the verbal beating he was getting every time. He really tried to be forearmed.
Soon he was focused on defeating Evan. He tried to make the Chross Rhodes perfect, he was total lost in concentration when he heard the voice of his trainer: „Rhodes?! How often did I tell you to not make that stupid face? Keep your damn face straight!“ Cody bit on his lower lip, promising to himself to try even harder to impress his trainer. But the yelling went on and on:
like... „What the HELL, Rhodes? Aren't you able to at least PRETEND you believe your own words on the mic?“
and... „STOP! RHODES, keep that mic to your damn mouth. Nobody understands what you're mumbling!“
or... „Fuck, Rhodes, you stand there like my six years old daugther on her first day of school.“
Cody shut his eyes, not capable of taking more criticism. The last weeks were as if he was only stringing mistakes together. He knew his trainer was right, he knew he was trying to help him to get better. But damn, he was already TRYING REALLY HARD. What the fuck should he do?
„Do you even listen to me, Rhodes??“
He knew he should say something. Now. 'Say something! Anything! Tell him to shut the fuck up!', he yelled at himself in his thoughts. But he didn't. He just stood there, near to tears.
When he was in the locker room to get a break and calm down a bit, Randy came in. „Cody, what's wrong?“
„What do you mean?“
„Why aren't you listening to the trainer? You're standing there like it's the first time you're wrestling.“
„I'm...“ Cody swallowed hard. No tears!, he sweared himself desperatly. „I'm trying, you know?“
„Obviously not hard enough. You're a superstar now. Act like one. There is no chance you can be at RAW for a long time when you keep being this shy. You have to be cocky so the people remember you, hate and admire you in some way. You got to be confident!“
Confident. That was the key word. That was what all of them were criticizing about him...he was not confident. Not at all. He tried his best, but he was still shy, still not present in the ring, still...diffident. And he hated himself for that. He worked really hard on his self-esteem the last years. But he just could not do it.
„Cody, you got to -...“
„I KNOW, okay?? I know!!!“, Cody yelled at his leader and left the locker room in a hurry, tears streaming over his face. He just grabbed a jacket and his beanie and ran outside. He couldn't stop the tears. And he didn't wanted to. He walked until he saw a big meadow, covered in the snow that kept falling the last days.
He sat down on a cold bench, the cold air already making his face ache. But he didn't care. All he was thinking about was one question: „Why...why am I not confident? Why am I like this?“
As long as he could think back he has never been confident. He tries to be for years now, but it wasn't working! No matter what he does, he still was so...unsure of himself.
The hot tears fell on his cold, red cheeks, warming them before almost freezing on his skin. It hurt. The cold air hurt his skin, he was freezing. But he did not care.
After all this training, after all the compliments from both men and women he got for his looks, after he achieved his dream of being on RAW...it was clear that this shyness... it was in himself. In his personality. It was part of that quintessence of ones personality that makes you what you are, that you can't change...no matter how hard you try. It would never change.
That realization hit him hard deep inside. He shut his eyes as he felt a new stream of tears coming to his eyes. Uncontrollable sobbing made his young, muscular body shake. He could...never change it. Never.
He burried his face in his hands. But he wanted it to change! So much! There was nothing in this world that he loved more than wrestling. He had to be a wrestling star, it was his destiny! But you can't be a shy superstar. That's not possible. If Vince wouldn't not kick him out, the crowd would forget about him. They would not even boo for him... They're just booing right now, because there are Randy and Ted and the three of them were the top heel stable in WWE right now. But once they'd part...
Cody gasped for air. He didn't even recognize he was holding his breath. Sobbing and crying he sat on the lonely bench in the middle of a foreign country having a huge nervous breakdown. „Oh fuck!“, he spat out „Oh fuck fuck fuck!“
What could he do? What the fuck could he do? He tried everything. Fucking everything. He couldn't change who he was. And he seemed to be a feeble, whiny, shy sissy.
He saw his life fading before his eyes. No wrestling career...no time with his friends anymore, no Legacy... He swallowed hard. His father would be so disappointed. His brother too. Everybody would laugh at him. Fucking everybody.
He tried to get where this shyness came from...thought about his family. The huge fights betweend Dustin and his father came to his mind. Two of his most beloved persons fighting, screaming at each other. - Cody rembled in every limb on the bench. - Then his brother left. - Cody felt his heart breaking again, as it did back then when he was so young, so unaware. The tears wouldn't stop.
„Cody?“
Cody frowned. No. Not now. Not...now. He was in the middle of a breakdown, he didn't want anybody to see him. Especially not his best - and oh so confident - friend Ted Dibiase jr. Fuck no, could this day get any worse?
He had his face still burried in his hands, refuse to look up and show the other man his tears. He wished he just could stay like that. He wished Ted would go away. Please, go away. Please?
„Cody, man! What are you doin'? I searched for you fucking everywhere!“ Ted sounded so nonchalant, so full of life. Well, HE had a great life. He had a self esteem. Ted would be a huge superstar in the future. A future hall of famer, Cody was sure of that.
„Codes?“ Ted sounded apprehensive now. He placed a big hand on Codys shoulder, shaking him a little to make him look up.
And Cody looked up.
Ted gasped at the sight. The reddened face of the younger man covered in tears, the normally clear blue eyes swollen and darkened with deep sadness, it broke his heart.
He sat down beside his best friend. „Codes, what's wrong?“
Cody didn't answer. He only shook his head. New tears coming to his eyes. He could not speak now. His voice would break, he would sob between the words... pathetic. He was so damn pathetic. And now he was crying in front of his best friend who never cries at anything. Fuck.
He felt himself pulled to the side and strong arms embraced him. Ted was...hugging him? Why?
„Don't cry, Cody.“ The older men said, his voice full of concern. „Don't cry.“
The soft words and the warm embrace felt so good, were so needed, that Cody felt a new spat of sobbing coming over his body. He threw himself at Teds broad chest. He could not help it, could not fight it. He needed the comfort right now. He was lost and he needed to be saved.
Ted held him tight, remained silent, while Cody was crying and sobbing on his chest.
Ted was so warm and soft. He felt so good. Cody inhaled the familiar scent of his best friend and began to calm down slowly.
„Who did that to you?“ Teds voice was surprisingly stern.
„Hmm? What-at do you me-mean?“ Cody hated himself for not calming down enough to speak properly.
„Who made you cry?“
„Nobody. I mean, the trainer...and Randy, but...the reason is... myself.“ Cody confessed.
„Codes, your words don't make any sense.“ Ted smirked a little. Cody rubbed the back of his hand over his eyes...and looked like a cat that cleaned itself. So cute.
„Ted...“ Cody looked up with watery eyes „I'm... I'm not confident enough! I'll never be! That's just not my.... it's not in me. You know...? It's...I'll never be a good superstar.“ Cody looked at the snow again.
„So that's why you're crying?“ Cody just nodded.
„Codes...“ Ted hold him a little thighter placing his head on his best friends shoulder „You don't have to put pressure on yourself like that. Look, you're young. Man, you're only 24 years old! You're on RAW for not even 3 years now. Give yourself some time to get some self-esteem. He wouldn't tell anybody, but even Randy was nervous at first.“
„You're not. You're not soo much older than me and man, I'm almost a year longer on RAW than you are - but you are still...“
„Cody, listen. As I said, you need to give yourself some time. And besides... you said that that it's in you, right?“ Cody nodded slightly. „Well, yes, you know what? You're not the most confident person I know. You're kinda shy and secluded. Guess that's your personality, because you have no fucking reason to be like that. … BUT you should see the good side too: You're way more sensitive for other feelings. You know, that's why were such a great tag team. You sense the feelings and thoughts of the opponents and I'm the power...we both react quickly and the others stand no chance.“
Cody couldn't help but smile at Teds nice words and his memories of winning the tag team titles. Yes, he had achieved at least some things.
„You're much more calm and reasonable than most of the guys on the rooster. Those damn hotheads. You should accept yourself the way you are. You know, everybody has flaws and everybody has his own talents. You're going to be more comfortable in the ring and then you can play out your talents. Being all cocky makes you blind anyways. I mean look at Randy and his use of babyoil.“
Cody chuckled and Ted felt relieved.
„And you're not alone. Randy is there to guide us and as you mentioned: I'm new to this too. We have a lot to learn, but that's okay. We gonna make it. As a team. Okay, Codes?“
„Yeah.“ Cody smiled and wiped his tears away.
„So how about we get some hot choclate? I'm kinda freeeeeziin'!“ Ted just knew how much Cody loved hot choclate.
„Perfect idea. … But we still have training. Our break was like...over long long time ago.“
„Hmm...Screw training.“
„WHAT? You never skip training. Never!“
„There's always a first time, I guess. Not in the mood anymore. Or do you want to go back?“
„Hell no. But we're gonna get in trouble.“
„Totally worth it.“
Author angrbooa
Pairing hints at Codiasi
Summary Cody has a nervous breakdown and is lost in sad thoughts...what if YOU are the source of your own problems?
Words 2079
Disclaimers Not mine, not at all. Codys private thoughts and his private personality are none of my business and I don't know them. It's all fiction.
Warnings: Bad language and sadness. No sex (WHAT?) [and bad english]
Author’s Notes
First fanfiction of Codiasi.
First fanfiction of wrestling.
First fanfiction in english.
I know there are a lot of mistakes. Please name them, but be kind. Not everybody is a native speaker. Also, this is based on a true situation. This has (partly) happened.
Posted on codiasi
Dedication lady_tavington ❤
They say night is the darkest right before dawn.
What if there is no dawn, no morning? What if all hope is just gone, because the problem isn't something you could fight against? When you are the problem...
Codys whole body shivered. Not because of the cold air, but because he was crying so hard. He was crying so hard that he had difficulties breathing, murmuring "Why god, why am I like this??"
Earlier...The day had such a great beginning:
Cody breathed in the cold, fresh morning air. He was sure that this day would be different. This day he'd impress the trainer. This day would be good. He was in a great mood, not least because the sun was shining after sunless winter months. Man, that sucked about travelling. Most of the countries were fucking cold and sunless. Waaaaaay too cold and sunless for him.
With a smile on his face he entered the arena. When he saw his trainer, his heart sunk a bit and he prepared himself for the verbal beating he was getting every time. He really tried to be forearmed.
Soon he was focused on defeating Evan. He tried to make the Chross Rhodes perfect, he was total lost in concentration when he heard the voice of his trainer: „Rhodes?! How often did I tell you to not make that stupid face? Keep your damn face straight!“ Cody bit on his lower lip, promising to himself to try even harder to impress his trainer. But the yelling went on and on:
like... „What the HELL, Rhodes? Aren't you able to at least PRETEND you believe your own words on the mic?“
and... „STOP! RHODES, keep that mic to your damn mouth. Nobody understands what you're mumbling!“
or... „Fuck, Rhodes, you stand there like my six years old daugther on her first day of school.“
Cody shut his eyes, not capable of taking more criticism. The last weeks were as if he was only stringing mistakes together. He knew his trainer was right, he knew he was trying to help him to get better. But damn, he was already TRYING REALLY HARD. What the fuck should he do?
„Do you even listen to me, Rhodes??“
He knew he should say something. Now. 'Say something! Anything! Tell him to shut the fuck up!', he yelled at himself in his thoughts. But he didn't. He just stood there, near to tears.
When he was in the locker room to get a break and calm down a bit, Randy came in. „Cody, what's wrong?“
„What do you mean?“
„Why aren't you listening to the trainer? You're standing there like it's the first time you're wrestling.“
„I'm...“ Cody swallowed hard. No tears!, he sweared himself desperatly. „I'm trying, you know?“
„Obviously not hard enough. You're a superstar now. Act like one. There is no chance you can be at RAW for a long time when you keep being this shy. You have to be cocky so the people remember you, hate and admire you in some way. You got to be confident!“
Confident. That was the key word. That was what all of them were criticizing about him...he was not confident. Not at all. He tried his best, but he was still shy, still not present in the ring, still...diffident. And he hated himself for that. He worked really hard on his self-esteem the last years. But he just could not do it.
„Cody, you got to -...“
„I KNOW, okay?? I know!!!“, Cody yelled at his leader and left the locker room in a hurry, tears streaming over his face. He just grabbed a jacket and his beanie and ran outside. He couldn't stop the tears. And he didn't wanted to. He walked until he saw a big meadow, covered in the snow that kept falling the last days.
He sat down on a cold bench, the cold air already making his face ache. But he didn't care. All he was thinking about was one question: „Why...why am I not confident? Why am I like this?“
As long as he could think back he has never been confident. He tries to be for years now, but it wasn't working! No matter what he does, he still was so...unsure of himself.
The hot tears fell on his cold, red cheeks, warming them before almost freezing on his skin. It hurt. The cold air hurt his skin, he was freezing. But he did not care.
After all this training, after all the compliments from both men and women he got for his looks, after he achieved his dream of being on RAW...it was clear that this shyness... it was in himself. In his personality. It was part of that quintessence of ones personality that makes you what you are, that you can't change...no matter how hard you try. It would never change.
That realization hit him hard deep inside. He shut his eyes as he felt a new stream of tears coming to his eyes. Uncontrollable sobbing made his young, muscular body shake. He could...never change it. Never.
He burried his face in his hands. But he wanted it to change! So much! There was nothing in this world that he loved more than wrestling. He had to be a wrestling star, it was his destiny! But you can't be a shy superstar. That's not possible. If Vince wouldn't not kick him out, the crowd would forget about him. They would not even boo for him... They're just booing right now, because there are Randy and Ted and the three of them were the top heel stable in WWE right now. But once they'd part...
Cody gasped for air. He didn't even recognize he was holding his breath. Sobbing and crying he sat on the lonely bench in the middle of a foreign country having a huge nervous breakdown. „Oh fuck!“, he spat out „Oh fuck fuck fuck!“
What could he do? What the fuck could he do? He tried everything. Fucking everything. He couldn't change who he was. And he seemed to be a feeble, whiny, shy sissy.
He saw his life fading before his eyes. No wrestling career...no time with his friends anymore, no Legacy... He swallowed hard. His father would be so disappointed. His brother too. Everybody would laugh at him. Fucking everybody.
He tried to get where this shyness came from...thought about his family. The huge fights betweend Dustin and his father came to his mind. Two of his most beloved persons fighting, screaming at each other. - Cody rembled in every limb on the bench. - Then his brother left. - Cody felt his heart breaking again, as it did back then when he was so young, so unaware. The tears wouldn't stop.
„Cody?“
Cody frowned. No. Not now. Not...now. He was in the middle of a breakdown, he didn't want anybody to see him. Especially not his best - and oh so confident - friend Ted Dibiase jr. Fuck no, could this day get any worse?
He had his face still burried in his hands, refuse to look up and show the other man his tears. He wished he just could stay like that. He wished Ted would go away. Please, go away. Please?
„Cody, man! What are you doin'? I searched for you fucking everywhere!“ Ted sounded so nonchalant, so full of life. Well, HE had a great life. He had a self esteem. Ted would be a huge superstar in the future. A future hall of famer, Cody was sure of that.
„Codes?“ Ted sounded apprehensive now. He placed a big hand on Codys shoulder, shaking him a little to make him look up.
And Cody looked up.
Ted gasped at the sight. The reddened face of the younger man covered in tears, the normally clear blue eyes swollen and darkened with deep sadness, it broke his heart.
He sat down beside his best friend. „Codes, what's wrong?“
Cody didn't answer. He only shook his head. New tears coming to his eyes. He could not speak now. His voice would break, he would sob between the words... pathetic. He was so damn pathetic. And now he was crying in front of his best friend who never cries at anything. Fuck.
He felt himself pulled to the side and strong arms embraced him. Ted was...hugging him? Why?
„Don't cry, Cody.“ The older men said, his voice full of concern. „Don't cry.“
The soft words and the warm embrace felt so good, were so needed, that Cody felt a new spat of sobbing coming over his body. He threw himself at Teds broad chest. He could not help it, could not fight it. He needed the comfort right now. He was lost and he needed to be saved.
Ted held him tight, remained silent, while Cody was crying and sobbing on his chest.
Ted was so warm and soft. He felt so good. Cody inhaled the familiar scent of his best friend and began to calm down slowly.
„Who did that to you?“ Teds voice was surprisingly stern.
„Hmm? What-at do you me-mean?“ Cody hated himself for not calming down enough to speak properly.
„Who made you cry?“
„Nobody. I mean, the trainer...and Randy, but...the reason is... myself.“ Cody confessed.
„Codes, your words don't make any sense.“ Ted smirked a little. Cody rubbed the back of his hand over his eyes...and looked like a cat that cleaned itself. So cute.
„Ted...“ Cody looked up with watery eyes „I'm... I'm not confident enough! I'll never be! That's just not my.... it's not in me. You know...? It's...I'll never be a good superstar.“ Cody looked at the snow again.
„So that's why you're crying?“ Cody just nodded.
„Codes...“ Ted hold him a little thighter placing his head on his best friends shoulder „You don't have to put pressure on yourself like that. Look, you're young. Man, you're only 24 years old! You're on RAW for not even 3 years now. Give yourself some time to get some self-esteem. He wouldn't tell anybody, but even Randy was nervous at first.“
„You're not. You're not soo much older than me and man, I'm almost a year longer on RAW than you are - but you are still...“
„Cody, listen. As I said, you need to give yourself some time. And besides... you said that that it's in you, right?“ Cody nodded slightly. „Well, yes, you know what? You're not the most confident person I know. You're kinda shy and secluded. Guess that's your personality, because you have no fucking reason to be like that. … BUT you should see the good side too: You're way more sensitive for other feelings. You know, that's why were such a great tag team. You sense the feelings and thoughts of the opponents and I'm the power...we both react quickly and the others stand no chance.“
Cody couldn't help but smile at Teds nice words and his memories of winning the tag team titles. Yes, he had achieved at least some things.
„You're much more calm and reasonable than most of the guys on the rooster. Those damn hotheads. You should accept yourself the way you are. You know, everybody has flaws and everybody has his own talents. You're going to be more comfortable in the ring and then you can play out your talents. Being all cocky makes you blind anyways. I mean look at Randy and his use of babyoil.“
Cody chuckled and Ted felt relieved.
„And you're not alone. Randy is there to guide us and as you mentioned: I'm new to this too. We have a lot to learn, but that's okay. We gonna make it. As a team. Okay, Codes?“
„Yeah.“ Cody smiled and wiped his tears away.
„So how about we get some hot choclate? I'm kinda freeeeeziin'!“ Ted just knew how much Cody loved hot choclate.
„Perfect idea. … But we still have training. Our break was like...over long long time ago.“
„Hmm...Screw training.“
„WHAT? You never skip training. Never!“
„There's always a first time, I guess. Not in the mood anymore. Or do you want to go back?“
„Hell no. But we're gonna get in trouble.“
„Totally worth it.“