(no subject)
I'm just about the verge of tears.
It's because you are so much more better, I can't stand the sight of myself. My existence is something merely invisible, untouchable, intangible. I can only do so much, and yet I don't. I don't know what more I can do because you are in so many ways so much better then me and every single time I try,every time I try and make an effort for us to get closer, I fail miserably. I don't think I have ever tried so hard at anything, and you don't notice, or maybe you do notice, but you just don't care. and I think thats what kills me the most. Because I haven't ever cared about anything so much, I I haven't ever cared about anybody so much.
I want to cry every time I see you, and to question myself over and over, pushing myself to the edge and trying to understand the reason I am just not anything other then a little girl to you. I just can't go on this way, but no matter what, that's all I will ever be to you. and i dont know what to do, what to say, to change it all. And i know in my heart that there isn't even the possibility of changing anything, i just can't go on without you, but I can't go on like this, so I just don't know.
I don't know. I just want to give up so badly but I know that If I did, it would be the biggest regret of my life because you are just so fucking amazing and I just dont know.
I hate myself because I will never know and because I will never dare to go that far, to push my limit, and the find out the truth I have kept somewhere within me. Because I am that scared, and I spend too much time thinking about this, and simply cannot comprehend the meaning behind all this.
And I want to, so much, to cry every single time when I see someone else taking that position that I have so passionately wanted to fufil, but I simply cannot do that, I can't even begin to think about, I am so incapable of satisfying you, and I just feel so stupid, so young, so stranded.
It's because you are so much more better, I can't stand the sight of myself. My existence is something merely invisible, untouchable, intangible. I can only do so much, and yet I don't. I don't know what more I can do because you are in so many ways so much better then me and every single time I try,every time I try and make an effort for us to get closer, I fail miserably. I don't think I have ever tried so hard at anything, and you don't notice, or maybe you do notice, but you just don't care. and I think thats what kills me the most. Because I haven't ever cared about anything so much, I I haven't ever cared about anybody so much.
I want to cry every time I see you, and to question myself over and over, pushing myself to the edge and trying to understand the reason I am just not anything other then a little girl to you. I just can't go on this way, but no matter what, that's all I will ever be to you. and i dont know what to do, what to say, to change it all. And i know in my heart that there isn't even the possibility of changing anything, i just can't go on without you, but I can't go on like this, so I just don't know.
I don't know. I just want to give up so badly but I know that If I did, it would be the biggest regret of my life because you are just so fucking amazing and I just dont know.
I hate myself because I will never know and because I will never dare to go that far, to push my limit, and the find out the truth I have kept somewhere within me. Because I am that scared, and I spend too much time thinking about this, and simply cannot comprehend the meaning behind all this.
And I want to, so much, to cry every single time when I see someone else taking that position that I have so passionately wanted to fufil, but I simply cannot do that, I can't even begin to think about, I am so incapable of satisfying you, and I just feel so stupid, so young, so stranded.